Very tired and losing my mind!!!?

Question

I'm a single mother of 2. My 13yr old lives w/my mom cause she's defiant. My 9yr old is ungrateful, has an attitude problem, doesn't like anyone to be authoritative to him, isn't doing well in school, and is a pain in the ***.... i'm tired and ready to give up.. i'm seeing a therapist which is good for talking but what can i do to get my 9yr old to realize that their r many children that would be grateful to have a mother... it's getting to the point that the sight of him makes me sick because i do, do, do.. i feel like i'm being punished for having children.. i sometimes wish i could just go back or send them back... i've lost jobs because of them, been in court because of them and of course cause they don't listen and do what they wanna do i have to suffer and i'm just tired of it.. I feel like i wanna just send him away but to where???? the dad is a deadbeat and i'm a single parent playing the hand that was dealt to me.. Could be worse though right???? Suggestions please!!!

Not a teen mom, kids are in therapy to..

Even attended parenting classes.. it helps me but they still don't change their ways...

Answer 1

Being a single parent is not easy and today with all that our kids are exposed to makes it even tougher. I raised 4 for a long time on my own. Believe me I know! First of all do not murder your children, let them grow up to suffer parenthood too. You firstly need to find a single parent group that is concerned with parenting. Your counsellor should be able to help you there or the community you live in may have a family or parenting group or try a church of your choice. Since I don't know where you are from it is hard to tell what is available to you. Secondly, you need to worry about yourself. Surprisingly your children can survive without you for awhile. Stop doing doing for them you are trying too hard. You need to start taking care of yourself, have a bubble bath, go for coffee with a friend, take a short trip if you can afford it, and if not pretend (go to a travel agent in the mall and get brochures then dream). Get out of the house and into the world. You could take a course that is fun. If you are lower income sometimes there is a program to help pay for this. Call up old friends and get together with them. My daughter loved and adored me right up to the age of 13 then one day she came home and I couldn't do anything right. Seems like this is in some book that only kids have. Hopefully you have a supportive mom? If not that is not good for you and you need to distance yourself from her so she gets the crap not you. If your mom is supportive, relax, she is a parent with experience. With your daughter try to remember that the world is very big for her and she has dreams which are all screwed up thanks to t.v., peer pressure, and of course hormones. Nine year old boys are the big man wanna be's and can be scarey. If he does not do well in school because he is goofing off that is one thing, but if he is into drugs then you need to know what you are up against. Once again your counsellor, the school or the police station can give you information on what to be aware of so that you are informed and ready to help your children if needed. Goofing off in school should have consequences, such like "if you do not do your school work at school (or whatever) then no recreation t.v., playstation ( or whatever he likes to do). When you need to correct inappropriate behavior make the consequences logical ones. It is hard to enforce consequences if your child is really defiant. If that is the case, stop making supper, don't do the laundry, find the fuse box and turn off some circuits that support his fun. If he starts to get nasty, leave the house. If your son is violent which I hope he is not, but if he is, then he will have to pay the consequence of you calling he police. Sometimes we make the mistake of sacrificing ourselves rather than teaching children that life can be tough and that there are important rules to follow. You are a good loving mom who needs to be a woman now, have fun, worry less, get help by joining groups of like minded people. Believe me they do grow up and sometimes they really surprise you. It is worth it when they say, "Gee mom, I should have listened to you." or "Mom, help, my son/daughter doesn't listen to me and is having a temper tantrum...what do I do?" Better yet, "Thanks mom, I don't know how you did it." and if you are really lucky "I am soooo sorry mom, I acted like a creep." but don't hold your breath for that one. Eat properly, dance, sing, date, swim, paint, write a story, and take care of you first. As for being tired, when you feel yourself stressing out, go for a walk. Rain or shine a walk will clear your mind and give you some endorfins to help you cope. Once you decide that the world won't end for your kids if you go out or have a nap and don't cook dinner, you will find you are less tired. Keep seeing your counsellor. Make changes a bit at a time so you don't get overwhelmed. A couple of things that helped me were two sayings: "Do what you can and leave the rest to God." and "What is the worst that can happen?" (then refer to the first one.) Oh, it won't be easy to change things. The kids will make it tougher because they aren't happy with change, it is scarey. Stick to it and you will get back your self respect and be happy you did. Good luck!

Answer 2

DEAR MOM DO NOT LOOSE YOUR COOL OK THAT IS (#1)(#2) scents they are under your roof you need to set down grown rules really hard no play this is real here is how i will help you out OK. (3) limit video game time to 1 hour 2 TV time 1 hour that is if the grades are c- d- f IF a f then ask them what kind of punishment's they want make them pick 3 OK. no less give option's like (1) no internent 1 month no cell phone 1 month no video games 1 month. on the knees in the connor nose to wall 45 minutes plus spanking bring them to and from school just once and kids talk and say look at mommys baby had to be driven to and from school that will break it up. no hanging with friends week days weekends and when you are out get some grown up you can trust to baby sit them and let all there friends moms know too then that will go around school too

Answer 3

Your thinking is all wrong. Instead of thinking that the kids are lucky to have you for a Mom, you need to realize how blessed you are to have children in your life. You need to try family counseling, for you and your kids. Of course your 13 year old is defiant, that's no reason just to have someone else raise her. I'm not trying to be harsh, but you need to analyze yourself and your own actions and how they've contributed to the way your children behave. I'm serious, watch Supernanny and Nanny 911, they are very good at helping parents figure out how their behavior is contributing to the behavior problems their kids are having. You said, "could be worse" and you are right, there are many people who have more problems than you and are handling it much better. I truly wish you and your family lots of luck.

Answer 4

You need to get into a parenting class, fast! The parenting tools that you have are obviously not working, so get some new ones. If you cannot find a parenting class, call a local high school and find out what they recommend to teen moms, call churches to find resources, call the county to find resources. I would also worry less about getting yourself into therapy and more about your kids. Your kids sound like they both need some help too. Your children also need a positive role model. Get them into a big brother big sister program (if that is not available, look into martial arts classes)! Never give up on your children, they already had one parent that did that!

Answer 5

clearly ur kids are suffering from something and are acting out because of it. Does ur kids know u are feeling this way about them? some of the things u said would be totally hurtful for a child to know. i understand that is the way u feel but coming from their point of view, why should they be good and try if mommy dont even want them anyway. just becareful what u say and to whom u say it. I know and understand the feelings u feel are real but if ur kids hear it...... it will draw them deeper in the hole. Of course ur son and daughter both need a good butt woopen but its hard for me to tell u to do that cause i dont know how u have raised them to act like what! they to me clearly have internal issues. Maybe ur kids need to see a theripist and talk out their issues instead of u. maybe all of u do! u mention ur son should be grateful for having a mother cause some kids dont. well what kind of mother are u for anyone to be grateful? I dont know u, u could very well be the best mommy in the world, but honestly.... get real with urself. Are u being the best mom u can be or are there things u could be doing better. If there are things u have been slacking on, its not to late to jump in there and become a better mother, rolemodle, everything. Things wont change and become perfect all at once. it will take time, but ur kids need to learn to trust u. Instead of talking negitive, start talking positive. I want to hear what ur kids do right! most of all maybe THEY need to hear what they do right!

Answer 6

I'm seeing a lot of blame being tossed around here...first on your children then on their father...nowhere though have I seen anything about YOUR responsilbity. Obviously YOU have raised these children...and their behavior didn't just pop out of thin air. They sound as if they have been spoiled to death just about...and since their father (dead beat dad as YOU say) isn't around then where did they get this behaivor?

Answer 7

Try to see if you have a big brother big sister program in your area. Heck try to find a boot camp for them. Something to show them what is really out there waiting for them.