What if an Indian/Hindu son repeatedly resists arranged marriage?

Question

What are some possible tactics Indian parents will use if their son repeatedly refuses to have an arranged marriage(if he is in love with someone else already)? If the parents have already tried using guilt, anger and threats, but that did not work over a long period of time, what would they do to get him to comply (to an arranged marriage)?

Answer 1

Dealing with today's generation is the toughest project; they think they are the smartest bread of people whereas their parents are centuries old creatures who know nothing in today’s cyber world. You are facing problem with your son & I just got my adamant daughter married off with guy of her choice with my folded hands. No use persuading your son on arranged marriage I tried it for 5 years but could not make my daughter change her mind & mind you tried every bit of tactics which you can imagine but failed on all accounts. So what I did was to get her married first legally under the Special Marriage Act, 1954 before the religious marriage ceremony knowing the benefits one get in this Act incase the marriage fails , keeping in mind if their marriage fail anytime & they want to go in for divorce without any much trouble. Being a lawyer by profession & knowing the difficulties married couple face in getting divorce I took this step. So dear friend what I suggest let them marry as they want tell them to get married under the Special Marriage Act,1954, commonly also known as court marriage, & make their life more save in case they fail in their matrimonial alliance.

Answer 2

You are asking for methods to avoid an arranged marriage. Look at the converse. What are the methods to get married to the one you want? Study the answer of this question first.
1. Tell your parents about the girl you like.
2. Convince them about the girl; her family background; her qualifications.
3. What is most appealing to you about her.
Then see your parents reasoning why the arranged marriage is preferable, or for you to marry the girl of your choice.
Matters of this nature are to be handled through dialogue and reasoning. You cannot get your way by blunt refusals, without any reasoning or logic. You parents will only think the best for you, at least in 90% of arranged marriages.
Then make your choice. Don't be hard headed. Be honest and reasonable. If you remain this way without bringing out the truth to your parents, you are just banging your head on the wall.

Answer 3

I am not Indian/Hindu however I do understand that this is a question of tradition. I will not force my traditions on you as I respect that every culture is different. I can only offer this tid bit of thought. Even in my own culture, times have changed. Girls are having sex way earlier and are having babies entirely too early. This is not traditional and yet it is happening. Before the boys would ask the fathers permission to take their girls out and pay for everything now...there are barely any fathers around and plenty of early dating anyways. Before young people would think 100 times over before sneaking around their parents back and now they barely think twice. The moral of the story is tradition is for a reason. Changing can have good results, but it can also have bad ones as well. All I could recommend is showing the good things that arranged marriages in your culture and family have brought about. If that doesn't help, then I wouldn't disown your son, but love him and mold him to be the best husband/son he can be. Like marriage, love should be to death do you part. Good Luck

Answer 4

What's Hinduism gott to do with it. If any son repeatedly resists marraige, his parents would show some kind of reaction.

But it's better to let the son decide when and whom to marry. And when you are talking about Hindu's - clear your basics. Hindu's have a tradition of children chosing the suitable partners. Remember 'Swayamvars'. In a traditional hindu family the parents just express their desire of their kids getting married and it's the duty of the kids to find a suitable match. There's nothing like imposition in actual hindu rituals.

However, society comes into picture and that's everywhere, not just in Hindus. Infact most of the parents are afraid that the society would start looking at their family through a different angle if the son resists marraige. And that actually happens to families who care more about what others would think. The question that arises in such situations is not "Dharm kya kahega?" The question is alway, "Log kya kahenge?"

Damn it... It's your family. He's your son. People are not gonna pour in to aid you guys if anything goes wrong. For heavens sake, look after yourself, your family, your son. Not the society. He is your son, not the society's...

:-)

Answer 5

Before passing some crude remarks, you need to realize that both have their positives and negatives. If it is an arranged marriage, parents ensure that they are putting their child into a proper family. They enquire the background of their in-laws etc.,Even boy/girl is given a choice. Issue here is that there won't be any love before the marriage. It's basically a marriage between two families.

Love marriages are mostly formed by infatuation than love itself. In the absence of control of parents, guys and girls will start doing all kinds of nasty things by the they become mature. Nothing is guaranteed in love marriage in most of the times.

Coming back to the original question, most of the times parents don't need ot use tactics. The bond between the parents and their children are much stronger here (Don't quote couple of stray incidents here and there to prove me wrong) that normally children listen to their parents.

Answer 6

I can not answer your question directly because forced compliance is flawed. The term "Hindu son" says it all. That son should have the freedom to determine if he wants to be Hindu, Rastafarian, Bhuddist, or none of them. The time when it was necessary to force procreation for the survival of the species is long gone, considering India's population. Perhaps the parents could show some love and understanding. After all, it's his life.

Answer 7

well shoot thats a hard one buddy.. well hMmM i have a lot of indian and paki friends, and most of them r doing the aranged marrige stuff.. but this is a hard queston, uMmM well the friends that are going to do the aranged marrige still get to choose who they could marrie, like they tell there mom, mom i want this girl blah blah balh and there parents might agree and ask the girls mom and dad etc..but.. idk some times things could be different.. hMmMM well if the son doesnt want to marrie who ever the parents want him tooo or the girl he was aranged too that could mean a few things like, maybe the girl is UGLY, or maybe she is good looking but has the worst personality, or maybe he is just simply in love with some one els..... if he is in love he will not comply no matter what you do, unless you do some thing very alful.. but this queston needs more info, more detel like whats going on what has happen what have the parents tryed and what does the boy feel.. i think what ever the son wants he should get maybe its for the best.. but if you can tell me more so i could help please do.. ps.. i have a queston for you.... Are you the parents asking this for help, or are you the SON.....

Answer 8

Arrange a marriage with the girl he loves!!!

Answer 9

im not indian/hindu, but we have arranged marriages where i come from.. and it really depends on the parents. if theyre really into traditions then they will NOT let him marry whoever he wants without their approval... but if theyrenot too into tradition, and a bit more open, then they will listen to him and might consider it... it really depends on the parents and the girl he is inlove with already...

Answer 10

First of all you should accept your son's choice of marriage. Let him live his life according to his wishes. Why are you so bent upon marrying him according to your choice. Are you eyeing on the dowry money? Parents like you should be banished from this society.
Shame on you to seek advise for your selfish question on this site.