How do I potty-train a child who does not want to be potty-trained?

Question

I am the child's nanny, and this is the first time I have been put so fully in charge of a child's potty training. I have successfully gotten her to sit on her little potty, and occasionally pee in it, but on some days, she refuses to do this, and she always refuses to wear panties or pull-ups. She repeatedly says that she just wants to wear diapers. The child will be three in May, and I have been trying this in earnest for a couple of months, having begun work with the family last Fall. Her training was originally delayed due to a move and to the birth of a brother, and it seems as though we've lost our window of ideal training time. We've tried videos and books; she enjoys watching and listening to these in her diapers and then not using the potty. We are also using a reward system of stickers that is having some limited successs.

Is it ever right to just say, "Sorry, but you are too old for diapers. You will have to wear these panties whether you like it or not"?

Answer 1

There is such a rush these days to get children out of diapers. I honestly believe that they will stop wearing them when they are ready. My son is now 8 years old. I never had to toilet train him. When he was about 3.5 he said to me that he didn't want to wear diapers anymore. I said to him, well that means you shouldn't wet your pants, and that was it! He started wearing underpants and didn't wet them. During winter when he was ill, he would still sometimes wet the bed, and during those times, we would just wear a night-time diaper. Basically, as long as your child can take themselves to the toilet all by themselves, by the age of 18 or so (before they leave home) then don't worry about it!!!! You don't want any of your children becoming "anal retentive".

Answer 2

Some how you have gotten into an adversarial relationship with this girl and are involved in "potty wars". Potty training before age three is not delayed. She needs to have an interest in big girl panties. Back off for awhile. She has had trauma with the move and the birth of a brother who uses diapers. She may resent giving up her baby position. By the time she goes to high school she will be trained. Pressing her for a couple of months is a large part of her life when she is developing into an autonomous toddler. She needs to get a focus on her internal signals as to when she needs to go potty rather than when someone outside of her thinks she need to go potty. You are most likely to get her aware of the internal rumblings after she has eaten—that is her tummy saying that it is time to go.

Answer 3

Well being a parent of a 4 year old, I do have to say that it is a challenge. But, DO NOT give up or let the child know that he/she wins because, they will know how to get out of using the potty or wearing panties. Just be a little firm with the child and (if possible) try not to give the child a choice. If you must sit in the bathroom with the child and talk to them about the good things about using the potty, try encouraging them, or even read the child a favorite book. But, always be sure to reward the child when he/she has used to potty. Encouragement and rewards make the child feel a sense of comfort, happiness and accomplishment.

Answer 4

Take the child to the store and make a fun, exciting event out of choosing "big girl panties." Let her find some with her favorite character on them. Then tell her (and remind her often) that one musn't pee in big girl panties.

Also, try a simple reward system. Put a chart in the bathroom at her eye-level, along with a bunch of shiny little stickers. Let her know that everytime she goes in the potty, she can put a sticker on the chart. Make sure the parents do it as well, so she has consistency. Sometimes the simplest things like this make a child want to participate.

P.S. Pull-ups are no better than diapers.

Answer 5

Sorry but my 2 year old is completely potty trained and doesn't wet the bed do you Know why because I got tired of buying diapers and pull ups. I got her some panties and showed her how to use the real toilet. let her watch you use the real toilet. then when she wets herself put her on the real toilet she will understand what you are doing. kids like to copy they're parents and do grown up things. She may feel like you are forcing her to do something unnaturual sitting on a potty chair especially if nobody else is doing it. Also, bring some other kids who are her age that are potty trained. believe or not this worked because the other kids will show her how to do it and she will be more excited to be like her friends. Anyway good luck!

Answer 6

This issue was spotlighted on a Dr. Phil show last year. Here is the information that Dr. Phil provided for his viewers. Hope this information helps!

Potty Train Your Child In Less Than a Day

What You Need
1. A doll that wets
2. A potty chair
3. Big boy/girl underwear (instead of diapers)
4. Lots of liquids for your child and the doll to drink
**Note that the following instructions using liquids also apply to potty training for bowel movements.

Consider Before You Begin
1. Development: The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests waiting until 2 years of age to potty train.

2. Modeling: You can demonstrate or have the doll demonstrate the process of "going potty."

3. Motivation: Find out who your child's superhero is. The hero will provide the motivation in this process.

Step 1: Teach a Doll That Wets
Your child will learn by teaching the doll how to go potty. Have your child name the doll and give it something to drink. Then walk the doll to the potty chair with your child. Pull the doll's "big kid" underwear down and watch the doll go potty together.

Step 2: Throw the Doll a Potty Party!
When the doll successfully goes potty, throw a potty party! Make it a big blowout with party hats, horns and celebrate. Give lots of attention to the doll so that your child understands that going potty is a good thing.

Let your child know that when he goes potty, he will have a potty party too. Not only that, your child gets to call his favorite superhero to report the good news!

Step 3: Get Rid of the Diapers
At the beginning of the process you placed underwear on your child's doll. Now it's time to take away the diapers and put underwear on your child.

Step 4: Drink Lots of Fluids
Give your child plenty of fluids to drink. The sooner he has to go potty, the sooner you can begin potty training.

Step 5: Ten Trips to Potty When Accident
Ask your child if he needs to go potty. Your child might say no and that's OK. Because you've given your child plenty of fluids, he will soon need to go.

If your child has an accident in his underwear, don't scold him. You want this to be a positive experience. Instead, take your child to the potty, pull his underwear down, and have your child sit down. Do this 10 times. This builds muscle memory and your child will eventually go.

Step 6: Let the Celebration Begin!
When your child successfully goes potty, throw him a potty party. Most importantly, your child can now call his favorite superhero and tell the hero about what he just did! Enlist the help of a friend or relative to play the hero and take the phone call.

When your child has an accident, simply take him/her to the bathroom ten times in a row as you did before. This will continue to build muscle memory. And don't forget to keep up the positive reinforcement.

Answer 7

Patience. There are so many books and info on potty training. If all elese fails.... Try the reward system. She goes potty on the little potty, give her a reward. A piece of candy. Those stickers don't do much... but if you tell her if she gets 10 star stickers, then she gets a toy, or a coloring book (you can get a coloring book on potty training for her) - Its a start. It worked for us as a starting base.

Answer 8

Well, if you believe she's ready and able and just not doing it, then maybe giving a deadline will help. The next package of diapers you open, tell her that this is the last package of diapers. After these are gone, there won't be any more for her. She will have to use panties. Then you need to be prepared to do a lot of cleaning up. Either she will show that she is ready, or that she's not...in which case you will just have to wait. Not all children are ready at age 3.

Answer 9

There is something that sometimes affects girls where they stop wanting to progress for a while. Children have a very clear idea of what is in store for them in terms of expectations. They flip-flop between baby talk and adult talk or do not take the step up to the potty.

She is the boss at the end of the day. Just encourage her and show her some reward for growing up. Right now she is facing the loss of attention from you and that is a bummer. Maybe you can offer some special activity she can do with mom.

Answer 10

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