my children, 2 of 3, were invited to be in a wedding. My problem is my kids are close and close in age. girl - 9, girl - 8, boy - 6 and the 9 year old is not being asked to be in the wedding. the other 2 will be flower girl and ring barrer. there is another flower girl also in the wedding (not in my family). what is the polite thing to do?
2007-01-22 14:37:09 · 23 answers · asked by weaselswife 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
ok, buy a simple desposabel camera, and tell her her job is to take pictures of the kids before and after the ceremony, and she will never suspect a thing!
Good luck, but remember what ever you do, don't leav her out!, give her a part even if it is minor!!!!!
2007-01-22 14:41:20 · answer #1 · answered by ;) 2 · 6⤊ 1⤋
-If you think this will hurt the 9 year old and non of the kids know about the wedding yet then you might want to take the other two out. Im sure the person having the wedding will be a bit mad at you but you duty is to your kids not the person having the wedding.
- You could also leave the other two in the wedding and see if the 9 year old can be given something to do on the sidelines. Such as pass out the programs or show people to their seats.
2007-01-22 14:50:51 · answer #2 · answered by 2Negative 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would have been nice if the bride-to-be sat down with you before extending the invitation for two of your three children to be in the wedding party and explained her reasons. Perhaps she felt like it would make your oldest girl feel immature to be the "flower girl." I'm sure there were probably very good reasons for her decision, and it probably would have put your mind at ease to know what those reasons were.
With that being said, it is HER day, and she is free to invite one, two, or all three of your children to participate, or none at all. The decision you must make now is whether or not to take her up on that decision.
Personally, I would assume that she had good reasons and would be delighted that she thought of my children. If you are close enough to the bride to be, and the 9-year-old does truly feel left out (you really only mention your feelings in the question), then I would take the bride-to-be aside in a private moment and ask her if there's anything that the 9-year-old could do to help her on her special day, as she's feeling a little left out since her brother and sister are both in the wedding party.
I'm absolutely certain this wasn't intended to be a "slight" to your oldest child. I had NO children in my wedding party for this very reason - I didn't want to feel indebted to have EVERY child in a place in the wedding party, and there were children who I didn't feel were mature enough for a place of responsibility, but their parents would feel slighted if I had any children except theirs (my much younger brothers included in the children I didn't want playing any crucial role in the wedding party). I have seen and can share various horror stories about children in weddings!
Best wishes for your family and the marrying couple!
2007-01-23 01:16:33 · answer #3 · answered by JenV 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go to the wedding, it's polite. If you know the person well, make a joke about how your daughter didn't think that she liked her or something because she didn't get a part.ONLY if you know the person really well. Remember, planning a wedding is VERY stressful, and this person is doing their best. It was VERY nice of them to let your kids be flower girl and ring bearer, so bring your other little daughter to the wedding to watch and maybe get all of them something special for going.Even if it WASN'T proper etiquette, it IS their wedding, and they can do what they wa't with it. Have your daughter do something "important", like taking pictures of the service. She's probally mature enough to relize that not everyone an get a part and that weddings are very hectick......
2007-01-22 14:39:29 · answer #4 · answered by emilyy:) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the wedding isn't yours, you may need to explain about things not being fair to your 9 year old. I HATE things like that, because as a parent...you hate to see your children hurt, but life really isn't fair sometimes. It isn't because she's weird or not liked as well as the other kids...it's just because this is the way it worked out.
You could also speak with the bride and/or groom and explain that the 9 year old is feeling left out...and see if they might have a special job for her, like...making a short speech or announcing the dollar dance or something at the reception.
2007-01-22 14:40:34 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa E 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, unfortunately, you can't tell someone else who to put in a wedding. A good idea would be to take your daughter shopping and make it a special time to get her a pretty outfit for the wedding. Explain that you are not in the wedding either, but you are OK with it. Also explain there will be things in the future that she will get to do that her other sister and brother won't. This is a good life lesson moment.
2007-01-22 14:43:23 · answer #6 · answered by TwinkaTee 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
the 9 year old may be emotionally scarred for life, wondering what's wrong with her, that she's not as good as the other 2. If the children don;t know yet about the invitation, I would turn it down and spare the 9 year old's feelings, if they do know, it's a sticky situation. how could your friend or family member exclude her this way? it sounds cruel to me. 9 is a very vulnerable age emotionally.
I just read Hannah's answer......... what a great idea. Ask the bride and groom if they mind "including" your 9 year old as "special" photographer. it will make her feel honored.
2007-01-22 14:43:22 · answer #7 · answered by Squirrley Temple 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Allow the two children to be in the wedding. Doing ANYTHING else would not be good for any of your children. They are individuals, not part of a package deal and they need to know that. It probably is a relief to the 9 year old anyway! Buy him nice clothes to wear to the wedding and that he can wear later.
2007-01-22 14:42:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Like your son I'm also engaged to be married next year. We had said the we would have a wedding party of 4 people. My future in-laws told my fiancee that her 2 brothers and 1 brother in-law need to be in the wedding. She felt bad so now we have a wedding party of 8 people. Now they act like the wedding revolves around them. They want to have the "yes or no" on the place, food, colors. The wedding is for YOUR SON. Let him decide who he wants in his wedding party
2016-05-23 23:37:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a wonderful opportunity for your oldest daughter to learn how to be gracious and polite. So her younger Sib's are in a wedding....help her to be proud of them! Please don't take away from their fun and special memory because you want her included as well...she is invited to attend the wedding, and make sure that you take her shopping to pick out a nice outfit to wear. She is a young lady now, let her see this as an experience of being a very classy young lady and have fun at This wedding with all of your children. :)
2007-01-22 14:46:22 · answer #10 · answered by catywhumpass 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The eldest should not have been left out that is wrong. Should have made room for her somewhere as another flower girl or girl to hold the train of the wedding dress or something
2007-01-22 14:41:26 · answer #11 · answered by 'lil peanut 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋