Say ... your daughter is 24 and the boyfriend is also 24. He was married once ... his ex-wife cheated on him ... then they got divorced with one kid as the result of the marriage. So, your daughter didn't tell you that he's divorced when you first met him ... you both (you and your husband) really like the guy --> all in all very amazing man and you really like your daughter's choice this time. Then, when things got serious ... your daughter told you that he was married once with kid (but the kid is with the his ex). So, now what? Are you still ok with your little daughter dating and potentialy marrying this man? Or you have second thought because he now comes with a little baggage? ... After all it's not like his faults that the marriage failed ...
Anything people?
2007-01-22 13:58:48 · 42 answers · asked by Nicegal 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
well he may well be a good mate for your daughter.I can understand your concern though because thats your little girl and you don,t want her to get hurt..If it were my daughter,I would sit her down for a little talk and the questions I would ask would be#1 ..How do you feel about dating a man who has been married and has a child???#2 How often does he have his child? #3.has he been or does he have to be involved with his ex wife?#4.how do you feel about him having to take money out of your pocket and pay child support?#5.How does he feel about his ex wife? does he still have feelings for her?Is he on the rebound?..Openly without any judgement ask your daughter about these things and let her know of any potentiel problems that could occur and how will she deal with these issues?I think if the man is nice and is not abusive and truley loves your daughter,has a good job and can support her and she is ok with the ex wife and child then you will have to leave this choice up to her,however i would suggest she date him awhile and find out about things before jumping into a marriage.It is very possible that he is a good man and his wife did cheat,and he has good reason to be divorced....When you are talking to her let her know you have no objections to this man and that you like him but you just want her to be happy and want to know how she feels about all this...If you act like you don,t like it ,that will just push her right into his arms so its important that you let her know that you do like him
2007-01-22 19:23:54 · answer #1 · answered by slickcut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would prefer my daughter to date a single (preferably, not a divorced man), coz we can never tell how this one would go...being the man's "second time" around. I would like to shield my daughter from a life that would probably be chaotic, and would be happy to see her in the future, not having to deal with her husband's ex-wife or stepchild, because she chose a single, extra baggage-free husband instead. However, there's no manual for a marriage to work, whether it's with a divorced or a single man. It's really up to your daughter. If she's willing to take a chance with this man, not thinking about the "what if's"... then trust her on this. The real basis is LOVE and "Love is never wrong when it's real."
2007-01-22 14:36:39 · answer #2 · answered by Liit 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ME & my husband would not have a problem with it.Why would we.IF he was cheated on he had every right to get a divorce.And what is wrong with the fact that he has a child from his previous marriage.Children are a gift your parents ought to know that.I don't understand what you are so worried about.I mean for starters you are 24 you are a grown adult.What if you were married and had a child and your husband died and you got remarried it is the same thing.And one more thing children are not baggage they are human beings.OOPS I just realized you were talking about YOUR daughter..MY advice to you is leave her alone she is an adult and what do you think that you are some saint because you never got divorced.
2007-01-22 14:07:04 · answer #3 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is a good, kind man who's completely in love with your daughter, I'd say that you should be supportive. Especially since it's his wife that cheated. If it was him that left her or did the wrong, I'd be worried for your daughter, but in these circumstances I think all is good. However, if the two do get married, have them tell any of their future kids right from the beginning that the dad had another wife before. My parents, happily married for twenty years now, were married in this exact situation, with my dad having another wife before that was unfaithful, and they didn't tell me about it until I was fourteen, and my heart was shattered for a while and it deeply hurt me that this was kept secret.
I am not a parent, and I'm not even an adult quite yet, but I hope you'll find this answer helpful nevertheless.
2007-01-22 14:05:50 · answer #4 · answered by mandamandapanda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm in that situation, I'm not the parent, I'm the one married to the man with an ex and a child. If you really like him and she's in love and happy, I wouldn't worry about it. My husband might have an ex and a child but I'm ok with that. I adore him and he makes me very happy. We have a son together and he's the best father! I couldn't ask for anything more, he's perfect for me! My parents also adore him. They see how happy he makes me and how wonderful of a person he is. As long as your daughter can deal with the ex situation maturely and is willing to step up and be a stepmother I don't think you have anything to worry about. Honestly though I can see why you'd be concerned. Afterall she is your daughter. Like you said afterall it's not entirely his fault the marriage failed. Some things just aren't meant to be.
2016-03-28 21:59:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has some kind of baggage. So what if he is divorced and has a kid. He could be the best thing that ever happend or happens to this girl. In this day and age it would only be a matter of time before one meets and dates someone that is divorced.
2007-01-22 15:46:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Reverse the roles. If it were your daughter in his shoes would you feel the same. Everyone (almost) deserves a second chance. She is an adult. If this man is as good as you say, it sounds like you have nothing to worry about. As for the child, it didn't ask to be brought into the world to parents that couldn't keep it together. He/she shouldn't have to pay for their mistakes. Your daughter may be the best mother-like influence the child will have in its life. If the real mother is willing to cheat while in the bonds of marriage, she can't be that great of a role model. This could be the best experience for all of them. I know a few grandmothers who won't accept the sons stepchildren and won't have anything to do with them and it is sad. They are only children and are innocent in the whole situation.
Ask him to come to dinner and bring his child so everyone can get to know him/her. Get to know them and treat them like they were your own. That will mean more than you know. Best of luck!!
2007-01-22 14:10:14 · answer #7 · answered by country girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a parent, I would not forbid it, but I would have some doubts. I know that even though the divorce was basically the exwife's fault, it takes two to make a good marriage and seldom does a marriage end with only one person being at fault. I suggest you be truthful with your parents. Give them time to get to know your boyfriend completely. In the process I bet you will also get to know him even more which will make your relationship even stronger. If he really is the type of person you claim, I am relatively confident that your parents will come around and not only endorse your relationship, but encourage it.
Good luck.
2007-01-22 14:07:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I hate the term "little baggage", its a human being (child, with no fault), anyway. I am a single father of two daughters, and as long as she loves this guy and he loves her and has proven himself to me, they will have my blessing. Yes, its still my daughter's choice, and I will support her as best as I can, and even though, I was divorced with "as you say baggage", I raised my daughters alone and I raised them good. I will always pray and hope they make good choices in life in whatever they do, and they know they have my support and protection. Even though they get married, I will oversee their safety and well being, and make sure they are well treated, and taken cared of. I don't care how old they get, they are still my little girls and daddy is only a phone call away.
2007-01-22 14:26:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are adults. Let them be. Marriages have a 50/50 ratio of failing. Think about this. Do not judge someone by their past, unless they show a blatant history of repeating it. Try to turn it around. Would you want someone to shun your daughter just because her marriage ended and she already has a child? It's not the end of the world. Maybe the beginning of one where everyone, even this "baggage" child, wins.
2007-01-22 14:03:03 · answer #10 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋