How do I handle my future mother-in-law?

Question

My FMIL has been a constant nag about our wedding whether it be giving us "To Do" lists everytime we see her or telling us what we need to put on our registry. I hope this nagging doesn't continue into our married life, but I don't see that happening. What happens when we have kids!? How do I go about telling her to relax and let us handle our lives and that we aren't teenagers who need decisions made for them without being a jerk and offending my fiance'? This is really stressing me out and making me bitter towards the marriage when having to think that the rest of my life may be like this.

Answer 1

She's probably just trying to help but is getting carried away, I'd just talk to her and ask her to bring it down a few notches. That you welcome any suggestions that she has, but that she needs to please respect your decisions. It's a mom thing to want the day to be perfect, and she may not even realize that she's being overbearing.

Answer 2

Don't know if you are the bride or groom. If the bride's parents are paying for the wedding they do have a say in some of the things about the day since they probably have a budget to follow. Most moms like to help with the plans because it is fun. Are you sure she is just not trying to help and it is just coming across wrong? After the wedding and honeymoon, whoever's mom this is needs to sit down and have a talk with her. Tell her how much she is loved and thank her for helping so much BUT now that you are married she must let you live your lives as husband and wife. Are you bitter about the marriage or the wedding? You have to nicely put her in her place or "forever hold your peace". In the meantime, listen to what she says, thank her for her suggestion and go ahead and do it your way. Maybe between now and the wedding day you can keep the visits with her to a minimum.

Answer 3

I know how this feels. I am going threw it right now. I keep getting nagged about the SIZE of our wedding.. She has 8 brothers and sisters and his dad has 1 brother. She has 30 people to invite. But she is getting testie cause we can't have all her neices and nephews down too. Anyway I would talk to your fiance about this. Maybe he can sit his mother down and explain to her what she should be doing and shouldn't be. My FMIL is a bull. And she is trying to rule little things and I figure if I can cut her off at the little things, she might not even bother with the big ones....

Answer 4

Welcome to the club called "we married HER son" otherwise knows as "Daughter-in-law"

Its unfortunate, but no it wont ever end. Its also unfortunate that you will never be able to say anything, it will have to be your fiance and even more unfortunate, it will take ALOT to get him to speak up. I mean she is going to have to really p'iss him off.

I lived with it for 3 years, my husband didnt reach his breaking point until our first baby. But let me tell you this to give you some comfort, once your husband reaches his point and takes her to task, you will find things get ALOT better. It will never go away, but you MIL will come to realize certain things.
No matter what though you will always be a heinous b in her eyes. You will be the cause of his standing up to her, he never would have spoken to her like that before he met you. Everything will always be your fault and then when you have kids youwill find that you have litterally become invisible. It will be amazing, you will walk through a party with them and the only ones who will acknowledge you are the kids and the other ones who have married into his family.

Just remember, its her you dislike, not him, but he should know exactly how you feel about it.

ETA:I just realized that you might be a man. If this is the case then defintely speak to your fiance, she will take what you have to say to heart and most definitely tell her mom to back off. I am not sure the reason, but women usually dont have that much of a problem speaking to their mothers and saying flat out "back off". The only advice I would strongly suggest is that you dont go about speaking to your fiance as if you are picking a fight, you wll get much further with talking gently and telling her truly how your FMIL is making your feel, believe me. Its not as hard for women to choose the man she loves over her parents and keep her parents happy at the same time. Talk to her though, she will want to know how you are feeling. I promise this will most likely work out in your favor.

Answer 5

Your fiance needs to set some boundaries with her mom, and now. She probably means well, but she's crossing a line. She needs to tell her that while she appreciates her support, if she needs help with something she'll let her know. Have your fiance tell her that she has a wedding checklist (and make sure you all do, just search for one on the net if you haven't got one already) and she can just relax, she's got it under control. As far as the registry, if it's not something you two want, tell her thanks for the suggestion, but you really don't want (whatever it is). Congrats on the wedding, good luck!

Answer 6

My in-laws are like that. I learned to say, "I didn't think about that, I'll look into it" or "Wow good idea, I'll give it some thought." Let them talk but take it with a grain of salt. Realise that they do not know what's best for you or your family but never ever let them know they're getting to the best of you. After they saw that we know what we're doing, and I could take care of their son, it became easier. Maybe give her a job for the wedding. Something like setting up the guest book table or helping to pick the cake, food, etc. She probably would like to feel more involved. My MIL calmed down when I started asking her what she thought. I still call her just for her input. Talk to your fiance, but whatever you do, DO NOT PUT DOWN YOUR IN-LAWS IN FRONT OF HIM.

Answer 7

Well Nip it in the butt NOW because it will NOT get any better in the Future.I have a Mother in law and a step Mother in law Lol.! My started when My Daughter was getting sprinkled we was in the church and she was telling me how to raise my Daughter and I turned around and told her exactly how I felt I have had to do this many times with Both Mothers.Listening to there advice is one thing but when they expect you to take it is another thing.You and your Furture husband need to talk about this now and get it out in the open .Stand your ground! Good Luck

Answer 8

She's probably thinking that she knows best, remember that she raised your fiance and probably still sees him as that irresponsible kid, I have similar problems with my MIL. We tried to tlak to her gently, but it didn't really do much good, we found it most effective to live just far enough away that we have our own lives. We take everything in stride. We listen to what she has to say and then basically do what we want. That way it's still our life but she feels heard. Try to remember she really does have your best interest at heart :)

Answer 9

Join the club. Here is something to think about: move an hour or more AWAY from his parents after you get married. Men don't really call their parents so you won't hear from them much.
Just thank her for the input and say "I'll keep that in mind" and "thanks for the tip". Just because you said that DOESN'T mean you will follow what she said :)

Answer 10

i do have the same problem as yours. actually its his dad. he doesn't like me for his son. so we're kinda worried that he might not give us the blessings coz we're getting married this october.

all my friends told me, you're not marrying his dad. the most important thing is that you and your boyfriend love each other. just give him the respect that he deserves.

your fiance should be talking to his mom. that's what i did, i told my bf that he's supposed to be dealing with his dad's problem not me. so he's going to talk to him one on one to get things straighten out.

good luck.