How to (politely) tell Christian mother to not spam?

Question

Like many people, I don't like to read mass mailed poems or stories on the internet, but even when my mother sends me normal mail, she signs it with a Bible verse or quote that tells me to have integrity in a font that is larger than the message itself and highlighted in wacky colors. I choose not to be a religious person and I am offended that the implication of some of these quotes is that I'm NOT living a moral life when I see myself as a good moraled agnostic. How should I tell my mother to cease the spam in a way that won't invoke "the wrath of god"?

Answer 1

Tricky. Dealing with parents can often be difficult.

First of all, even if you're 65, provided your mother's still alive, she'll still think of you as her little baby. Parents are just that way. I could never deal with my parents until I just accepted that about them. Then, when they were being annoying I could just say, "okay, Dad" or "okay, Mom" and then go off and do what I thought best for myself.

Your mom probably wants you to "come back to Jesus". But, it's your decision. You believe that we can't really know what's true in the universe. So, what she's doing is pretty annoying at best. But, in her own misguided way, I'm sure she loves you and from her point of view it's an act of love.

You can try communicating with her and just explaining WHY you don't like it and I think it's generally good to try to communicate, but she may well not understand, because SHE believes in the Bible and thinks those verses are helpful to you. I guess what I'd ask you is what type of verses is she sending you? If she's just signing off with something like, "Love your neighbor as yourself," (in other words, nice things from the Bible that are generally good advice), she probably just sees that as a nice thing to say. You, as an agnostic, you can still appreciate the Bible as a work of literature and can still appreciate some of the things Jesus says in it as good ideas.

On the other hand, if she's signing off with wrath of God type stuff and the implication seems to be that God's going to rain fire and brimstone on your head or something if you don't "come back to Jesus", that's getting close to the realm of abuse. If that's the case, you may have to stand up to her and tell her that you think she's being abusive. But, be ready her to get real mad at you for awhile, because bullies who get stood up to usually do.

We can't control who we got as parents. Parents aren't always great people. Anybody woman who gets knocked up and decides to keep the baby is a mother, so there isn't really any filter to make parents be great, wonderful people. Even good mothers are never perfect. You can still keep your distance from your mother while holding out love. We can get a new family in our friends by choosing friends who are truly supportive of us. So, just because you love your mother and just because she bore you and raised you DOES NOT mean that you necessarily have to live in close contact with her all the time. Maybe dealing with her will just meaning seeing her on the holidays or something if she's going to treat you badly.

I've found it to be the case in every relationship I've ever been in that if I just keep being a good person it's ALWAYS better than if I start lashing back at the other person. I think it's generally important to communicate and set boundaries with people and we should certainly avoid being doormats in any relationship, but if we become aggressive or belligerent rather than communicative and boundary-setting, we'll only make things worse. In relationships in which I've always been ethical, I've found that people would eventually come to appreciate the fact that I HAD been.

Finally, do something to deal with your anger OTHER THAN lashing out at your mother. You can't communicate well if you're angry. It helps to acknowledge our anger in solitude or to a supportive friend. It can also help to keep a journal and right down all our angry thoughts in it. In many forms of Buddhism, people do a meditation in which they sit down and simply experience whatever emotion they're having. If you can sit down and just observe yourself being angry, that might really help, too. Often times, we need to aknowledge our emotions and allow ourselves to experience them while still avoiding hurting others before they'll go away. Ironically, sometimes when we do these things to experience emotions like anger, they actually go away and allow us to be more rational and ethical.

Answer 2

Is it only spam because of the scriptures? It's tagged on to normal mail but it's spam? Why do you feel that a quote encouraging you to have integrity implies that she is saying you don't have integrity? It's your feeling of inferiority that is the problem. Your Mom isn't judging you, she just loves you, and wants to encourage you. Do you really think that is so horrible?

Answer 3

I could never consider anything my mother sent me as spam whether I agreed with it or not. It was from her heart as a mother to me her child and that is not spam. The least you could do is be thankful she cares for you and desires your well being. You don't have to read it. I would think any child who thought so little of their mother could not truly call them self a good moraled anything. Sorry to put it so blunt but your trashing mom.

Answer 4

Start sending her stuff at the bottom of your messages like "Buddhism is the way to go" and "Up, guess I'm going to hell". Lots of stuff about different religions and then tell her to stop or you'll become a Mormon and that should do it because most christians would rather you be an atheist/agnostic than be Mormon.

Answer 5

Tell her that fwd's contain a lot stuff that the person sending them didn't even read. So if she wants to cut and paste the stuff you will open it. But if it is only a fwd you will not even bother to open or read.

Also so I have a Born again friend trying to convert me and sends me stuff like that. In her last FWD was a virus. So I told her if she is too lazy to open it I will block her.

Answer 6

Good question! I have an aunt who sends me all these emails about prayers and such and I'm suppose to forward them to twenty-eleven people in 7.32 minutes or I will enrage the gods of the internet. It's insane!

Answer 7

Explain to your mother that she is the one who raised you to be polite and follow the rules of etiquette and set an example for you to follow (assuming that's true).

Then explain to her that spam is in fact bad etiquette, and by spamming you she is undermining the very values that she spent a lifetime trying to instill in you.

Answer 8

I know mothers can be annoying...we do the things we do because we love our children.
Don't let it bother you so much. One day, she'll die, and then you won't have to put up with her "spam" any more.
Of course, you might find yourself missing her, when that happens...but, it will be too late to tell her about it.
Please, appreciate your mother while she is here for you.

Answer 9

Put a block on her mail until she gets a clue. You could also try formatting her mail in plain-text only so the logos are either not visible, or are all uniform in size.

Answer 10

There probably isn't a way to tell her that won't offend her, so the best course of action would probably be to just ignore it. I know it is annoying, but it's easier to ignore than confront.