Ambush on parents, or a genius idea to avoid immediate guilt trip about wedding?

Question

Should we tell our parents of destination wedding upon first meeting; they never met before .... tell them of our plans at first meeting?

My fiance and I have recently decided to have a destination wedding and not invite ANYONE, including our parents.

My parents divorced over 20 years ago and still HATE each other. Both have re-married since then.

My fiance's parents are still married and would really like us to have a TRADITIONAL wedding, as would my mother and my grandmother.

While they have an idea of our plans, we are thinking of having them (my mother and stepfather and his parents) meet for the first time for dinner and announce our wedding plan.

We think that they are less likely to get overly upset in the presence of future in-laws, and this will allow them to let the news settle in for a little while.

Is this an ambush to spring it on them like this, or a good idea, so we don't get a guilt trip?

They have a VERY good idea that we are planning on doing this, but we have not told them for sure yet.

Answer 1

Put yourself in this situation. You know you are telling them something very upsetting (that they aren't invited to their own child's wedding) and now you want to do it in a public situation.

a) it may avoid the guilt trip but it's like telling your spouse you're cheating on the Jerry Springer show, it's private material that should be left private so the parties involved have time to really think things out and react the way they want and not the way they think they should in public

b) it may not avoid the guilt trip at all, it may turn into teaming up on you if all others involved want you to have something more traditional.

I don't know what to tell you about breaking the news to them. Maybe get them together, you take your parents in one room and he takes his into the other. Deal with the situation earlier so that it's all said and done when you all come together. But i wouldn't do it like you plan, it may get ugly and you are going to hurt some feelings. You wouldn't want upsetting news given to you in public would you?

Answer 2

If you and your fiance are paying for it do what ever the two of you want to do. I would go off and get married like you are planning on doing and then when we come back I would have a nice intimate dinner with close family and friends. Maybe a separate one for your dads family. Don't let anyone guilt you into having the wedding they want.

Answer 3

it is your wedding ceremony, no longer theirs. traditionally, maximum human beings imagine of weddings as a celebration of two households coming jointly to have a good time their turning out to be a member of. Do what is going to make you and your destiny husband chuffed. at the same time as you would possibly want to smash some emotions, merely clarify to them that that is a few thing both of you determined might want to be correct for you. effective, you would possibly want to get a lot less wedding ceremony can provide, yet that is meant to be your chuffed day. Having mothers and fathers and in-regulations squabbling received't make for a contented day. I watched one among my maximum acceptable acquaintances get married, and her divorced mothers and fathers went at it in the course of the reception. The bride become in tears, and that i ultimately had to get hotel safe practices to throw the bride's mom out of the position. It become undeniable poor. savour your day. you're going to get a guilt vacation no count number what, yet you receives over it exceptionally quick. start up your new existence jointly on a contented word, and comprehend that you're starting up your own kinfolk, and that your mothers and fathers and in-regulations will develop into of a lot lesser importance.