Hi, I'm 14, and my parents just divorced. My mom found an old friend of hers and they're dating now. They want to rent a house together next month, but I'm not really ready for this. First of all, I think they're going too fast (they've been dating for almost three months). When I tell this to my mom, she says that they're just picking up from where they left off 16 years ago, so it's not too fast. She also says that her boyfriend treats us (me and my bro) really well, but I'm worried that he might be faking and that when we live together he will turn really nasty. I try telling all this to my mom but she doesn't listen. . .I am not ready to share a future home with this guy I barely know!! Any tips, similar stories, solutions are gladly welcome. Thank you for your time.
2007-01-22 11:47:01 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Just for some info. . .my dad also has a girlfriend. My mom divorced him because he was cheating, drinking, and smoking pot. So I kinda don't trust him that much. . .
2007-01-22 11:54:25 · update #1
your mom is thinking about making this decision...she hasnt actually done it yet, has she? why do you think that he will be mean to you? If he loves and cares about your mom, he will be good to you....
If it turns out otherwise, there are people that you can talk to to help you...
No one ever knows if a relationship will work out...your mom knows this guy from way back...that helps....
I understand that you are scared, and it being so soon after your parents divorce is hard too, I am sure...maybe just trust your mom to make the right choice for all of you. Good luck!
2007-01-22 11:55:02 · answer #1 · answered by daisy31 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi hon, I'm sorry you're in the middle of this dilemma. Your world should be safe, secure, and structured during your teens years and, unfortunately, it's been turned upside down. Why not try and approach your mom from a different angle (since she's made up her mind). Tell her that you will give this new family arrangement a fair chance, but that you first want ground rules set so you can feel safe. For instance, this guy should never try to 'parent' you. That's your mom's job. Second, agree what chores you need to do around the house and stick to that agreement. Establish curfews now (for each coming year). Ask if you can have a lock put on your door with an agreement that you will only lock it when you go to sleep at night. Anything else you can think of that is worrying you, bring up (make a list). Hopefully, everything will go ok for you. If not, speak up loud and clear and go live with your father if you have to. Take care.
2007-01-22 11:58:08 · answer #2 · answered by mJc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom is moving too fast and she is not a teenager now, she has children that she needs to consider in all of this. My dad's second wife came really soon considering she was the reason my parents divorced. My mom got pregnant and remarried really fast too and once their kid came, things got really tough for me. I'm 24 now and I realize that their happiness is important, but at the same time I was a child and it was their responsibility to see to it that I have a nice adjusted home to live in. Tell your mom you realize that she is happy and you want her to be happy, but tell her to give you and your brother a little more time to develop some type of relationship with this guy first. Right now it's in the friends stage between you guys and he needs more time to be tested in the parenting aspect of things. His position will be harder than just parenting, I think being a step-parent is very difficult because you can't do what most parents do or you get that "your not my dad" thing and the child and step-parent have to each learn boundaries.
Your mom also needs to set a better example for you then just moving in with a guy after 3 months.
2007-01-22 11:57:43 · answer #3 · answered by 2007 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What makes you think he's faking his attitude toward you? These are the points that you need to make to your mom. But, be prepared, sometimes even parents have to learn from their own mistakes. I remember my step dad - He kept my sister and I one night while my mom was working and I remember opening his fridge while they were dating and found LOTS of beer in it. I begged my mom not to marry him, but she did anyway and it turned out he was an abusive alcholic. I don't say this to scare you. You're situation may not be this way. The point, badly put, is you should try to spend sometime with this guy to get to know him. You might find out he's not so bad or you might find more reasons to validate your complaint to your mom.
2007-01-22 11:55:28 · answer #4 · answered by reandsmom77 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you clarify this? Are you anxious about going fast or are you fearful for your safety?
When they are living together, he will be an authority to you. And if you are calling that "nasty" then yes he will turn. But if you think he'll abuse you and your mom then tell someone else. Not your dad. Tell a teacher or your friends mom. Say it now.
2007-01-22 12:07:22 · answer #5 · answered by Tamm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi i think its your own gut feelings that are telling you this, as you see mum is taken ib by her new guy just now mom wont hear see anything bad about him. i know but if you have to go along with mum maybe you carnt help that but you can learn to think of you first just in case thats keep eyes open think look at ways on how you can protect your own to feel stronger just for you maybe lean sleft defence that will help you know how to deal handel things if they do happen to you from that the best thing is you can show you not scared because you are strong can deal with things way better than now really its to benerfit you that matters .
2007-01-22 11:57:55 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes its hard but your mom wants to be happy and you will be gone soon in a few years so just get along for mom and time will go by fast u will c trust me,be happy study hard and then be on your own is so cool but not yet my friend good luck
2007-01-22 11:51:32 · answer #7 · answered by pirateron 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have been that same way but I am not going to go into details with that,but if you feel that way and your mother want listen, go talk to someone you can trust. Just don't keep that feeling in you because before you know it, that fakeness can turn into a nightmare.
2007-01-22 11:54:03 · answer #8 · answered by star200252 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey try it for a while he not your dad and maybe you just need to learn to trust again.it sounds like your dad hurt you really bad and that it was hard on all of you but i think if you take one day at a time it may work out all in the end good luck
2007-01-22 12:55:21 · answer #9 · answered by mary m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried talking to your father about it? Could you move in with him?
If not, maybe you should sit your mom and her boyfriend down and talk to the together?
I hope everything goes okay for you.
2007-01-22 11:51:24 · answer #10 · answered by gina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋