daughter won't go to bathroom at school?

Question

my 8 year old daugter refuses (and always has) to go to the bathroom while at school. She holds it all day - her teachers tell me this is distracting her from her work - and goes immediately when she gets home. Apparently, this has always been a problem. I didn't know this until one day I stopped at the store en route home and she burst into tears because she had to go so badly. Why is she doing this? And what can I do?? She just tells me she "won't go at school."

Answer 1

It probably has something to do with either privacy or cleanliness. You need to talk to your daughter about it. I suggest that you pick her up from school and make a "pit" stop at he bathroom for yourself, and suggest that she go as well, because it will be awhile before you will have access to a restroom. But wait to say this until you are in the bathroom yourself. Make sure you at least pretend to go "potty". Then see what her reaction is. If she refuses, take the opportunity to ask her why. If she doesn't give you a direct answer, then start dropping hints to help her. Ask about the cleanliness, does that bother her? If she demands no, then start with the privacy issue. Does it bother her to go potty at school where her friends may come in and know what she is doing? Does that embarrass her? Stay in the bathroom and investigate. Maybe it is the toilet paper they have. Do they have soap? Paper towels? Are there other girls that pick on her in the bathroom?
Once you narrow it down, then you can try to fix the problem. Maybe you can speak to her teacher, and she can go to the nurses offices to use that restroom. We use to do that all the time! I hope this helps!

Answer 2

This is a more common problem than you may think. You might talk to your daughter about the other suggestions here - most importantly the "something happened in the bathroom."

In my case, nothing ever happened to me, I just didn't like using the facilities at school or anywhere else. I never had an accident from 1st thru 4th grades. Finally, sometime during the 4th grade, I got over it. Mostly. Now - 55 years old - if I gotta go and the toilet is filthy - I pinch and run.

One of my grandsons was that way throughout elementary school. Middle school - he got over it. When asked, he simply didn't like using bathrooms at school. My daughters also spent elementary school avoiding using anything but the bathroom at home.

This isn't just an idiosyncrasy of my family. This seems to be a theme of many kids, especially pre-teens. The subject has come up with at least 6 different friends. I'd say she'll grow out of it.

Answer 3

My sister did this all through school as well. The main thing to watch out for here (besides being distracted) is dehydration. You may want to have your daughter checked out by a professional psychologist or psychiatrist; my sister has OCD - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and that was one of the behaviors connected with it.

Another possibility:
Has something bad happened to her in the school bathrooms? Is she being bullied or assaulted?

My guess is that she is afraid of something about the school bathrooms, either something real or imagined. You need to find out what that is.

To begin, I would just ask your daughter really calmly, "What needs to happen so that you can go to the bathroom at school?" If all you get is "I just can't go there" ask her "why do you think that is? Is there someone or something that scares you?" If you keep getting "I just CAN'T! I don't KNOW why!" then I would really suspect the OCD.

I hope you find a way to solve this issue quickly. Best of luck to you and your daughter.

Answer 4

Ah, yeah, I'm the same way.

I'm 16, a Junior in high school, and have rarely (if ever) used the restroom at school heh. There are several reasons why:

1) People are rude.

This may not be an issue since you have a grade-schooler, and a girl at that. But middle school/pre teen boys, and often times even high school guys, can be quite atrocious, ghastly, immature, and rude with their behavior in the restroom. This was really the main reason why I couldn't stand to go to the restroom in middle school.

2) Not enough time to go

In middle and high school, and even usually in elementary school, you're only given five minutes to go to the bathroom. In elementary school when we would have a bathroom break, I remember often times just deciding it wasn't worth it even trying to go--15+ people and only five or so places to relieve yourself-- and then the teacher would be screaming for you to be scurrying back to the classroom only 2-3 minutes later. In middle-high school you get five minutes between each class to go to your locker, get to your next class, and use the restroom if you need to. Hahaha, this has never been enough time for me. Just getting to my locker and accross the school to my class on time all these years has been a race against the clock as it is. I mean when I take a dump, it's a good ten or fifteen minutes. And it's kinda relaxing for me too. So.. yeah. No way I've got that kind of time during the day.

3) Being Uncomfertable

First off, no, not wanting to go in public with a bunch of other people around is totally not 'weird' or suggests there's some kind of social issue with your child (even though some therapists think it is.) When I was a young lad in elementary school, that was another factor that didn't make me want to go during the day. It was just totally not normal to me to have six or seven people only feet away from me as I was sitting in a stall with my pants down trying to do my business, or relieve myself in the urinal.

4) Germs & Cleanliness

Have you been inside a school restroom, no matter the school level, at, say, one in the afternnoon? It's pretty much the most disguesting thing you'll ever see or smell. And I'm not even one to care about cleanliness or germs (really, I don't). But the situation in the school restrooms I've been in are quite atrocious. To put it in perspective, this summer I went to a week long music festival--over twenty-thousand people, the middle of July, no running water--The portipottys and situation they had there was literally better than any thing I've ever seen in school.

Anyway.. I figure your daughter is suffering from either number three or four, or maybe both. I'd ask her about it. As for me.. eh.. yeah. I go in the mornings, and usually hold it all day. Though number one is hardly a problem these days. And I can go during lunch if I want, where I have more time to myself, and hardly anyone else in the restroom. Though the hygenic state of the restrooms are still pretty terriable, and I'd rather just hold it all day and go in my own home. It used to distract me from my schoolwork too, but I eventually got used to it. Today it doesn't bother me, really.--Holding it isn't an issue. I'd seriously just have a conference with your daughter's teacher after having a good conversation with her about the issue.

Peace.

Answer 5

A lot of kids have this "problem", they don't like going to the bathroom in public places...and frankly after working the one summer as a lifeguard (we also had the "pleasure" of cleaning the bathrooms when we closed the pool at night)I can understand why. Girls are FILTHY! We used to have to draw straws to see who would wind up cleaning the girls bathroom ad the end of the day. There would be tampons, pads just thrown around, at least two of the toilets would be backed up because some bitchlets thought it would be funny to "flush" pads down the toilets...We would even find pads stuck on the CEILING. So I can't say as I blame your daughter for not wanting to go to the bathroom at school.

Answer 6

there are lots of good answers here. The only thing I haven't seen addressed is, maybe it's hard. My son won't go in school either -- all day ! & he is 18 & a high school senior ! he also eats very little fruits & veggies -- his choice! -- so when he does go ( &it's right after school ), he takes 10 to 15 minutes. He doesn't have that kind of time during the school day.
I'd ask the school nurse to let your daughter use the bathroom in the nurse's office. Maybe it'd help to be in a cleaner / more closely supervised/ more private setting. It could be something "little", like scratchy toilet paper. Keep trying & be kind.

Answer 7

I can say from experience that I do the same thing, and I'm well into my teen years. Honestly, those bathrooms are disgusting, and as a child about her age, I always felt embarrassed to 'go' at school. I always had an issue with people hearing you, or taking too long.

Answer 8

I'm thinking if the teacher knew, it might gain your daughter access to a nicer, more private restroom.. perhaps in the school nurse's office or teacher's lounge?

She probably doesn't understand and/or can't explain why she can't manage to go at school. As her parent, it's your job to help her solve the problem, don't try to fix it... it may not be fixable right now. Just help her find a way around it.

Answer 9

i truly think of your over reacting maximum colleges extraordinarily small ones purely have one janitor male or woman and that they could desire to scrub the two restrooms. they attempt to do it whilst no person is in there yet they do no longer end a baby from entering into the event that they could desire to . there's no recourse so some distance as i'm worried my uncomplicated college purely had one male janitor Mr. Qutel he gave me a tissue to wrap up my first the the teeth that fell out at college. He grow to be a great guy with 2 palms lacking on one hand from i do no longer understand what.

Answer 10

I absolutely hated going to the bathroom away from home too when I was a kid. I have no idea why.
Maybe she has a germ phobia. Teach her that hot water and soap takes away germs, so for her it's okay to wipe the seat with paper beforehand; wash hands well afterwards, and she won't get infected with anything.