My 9 year old daughters father spent 4 hours with her for the first time in 2.5 years this weekend. When he dropped her off she couldnt stop talking about how much fun she had and all the clothes he bought her. I encouraged her to be excited and keep talking and never made any negative comment about her father (I have never said anything bad about her dad to her or anyone else) but it was hard to see her put him on a pedestal when he is never around and I am. Any other mommy's or daddy's out there know how I feel?
2007-01-22 11:22:14 · 8 answers · asked by Kristin Pregnant with #4 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Sure,
But you are doing the best thing...
Let your daughter love her dad, and let him be with her... even though it is not as it should be...
The first promise that God gave man, in order for things to go well for him/her, and to have a long life, is to "honor thy father and thy mother"..
Think how difficult this must be for children with alcoholic parents, or parents who are in prison, or parents who abuse them..
You and your daughter are still blessed..
2007-01-22 11:35:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a wise mother. Give him enough rope an he'll hang himself or else let her make up for lost time. He'll fall off the pedestal on his own doing probably. My sister didn't do so well as you with her daughter. She is friends with wife number #3 and her daughter though and he is on wife #4. The neice already says he will never walk her down the aisle. I worry that she will ever go down it at all and if so that she will marry her resentment towards her neglectful irresponsible father. It is definitely to her benefit you keep your feelings out of it though as far as transferring bitterness towards him through the daughter. She can't see at this time he has done her any wrong so to her it's better late than never. Just keep an eye on his overdoing the spoiling and keep communications open between you and your daughter at all times and pray for patience to endure! A father can never take the place of a mother. As long as he doesn't try to turn her against you, you just give her all the love you've got and she has the best of both worlds in spite of a difficult situation.
2007-01-22 11:46:17 · answer #2 · answered by Lovin' Mary's Lamb 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is normal, and probably will continue to be for a long, long time. It is likely that her father won't have a need to discipline her too much (not nearly as much as you have to) and she will start to view his visitation as a vacation for her. If she ever asks to live with him, (assuming he is able to support her) give her a trial run and see how quickly they both get tired of it. The more discipline and rules he has to dish out, the more he will feel like you do now. :)
You should continue to be consistent with your love and discipline and continue to encourage her to love her father. Don't ever say anything negative about him because it will backfire on you and she will not appreciate you bad-mouthing her father. Especially as she gets older. You are doing a good job so far.
I'm sorry you feel down about it, but just know that as long as you are a good mom to her, and show her love and support she will know how good you always were to her when she is an adult. Trust me, she already knows that you are there for her and love her. It sounds like you are a good mom, and are doing what is right for your daughter.
2007-01-22 11:34:07 · answer #3 · answered by toothfairy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I have a 12 yr old stepdaughter who keeps trying to bond with her mom even though she just wants to be there when it is convinent. If 12 yr old is sick she doesn't go for visitation, if she has been "acting out " she doesn't go, she lives with her dad and I and i get tired of always being nice about her mom but it is wrong to talk bad about the other parent in front or around the child it is not their fault.
2007-01-22 11:27:35 · answer #4 · answered by chiefs fan 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh yes! But I think that is the way it is. It is amazing how they can step in and be the "Disneyland" dad,While you work your tail off to provide for them (with no child support), sit up all night with them when they are sick or scared, not buy any new clothes for yourself until they graduate from college. The good news is now that my son is 19 he can see for himself who this man is and I have done nothing to tarnish his view, his father did it all by himself! Good luck and keep up the good work, parenting is the hardest job in the world if you want to do it right!
2007-01-22 11:35:40 · answer #5 · answered by Girl Squirrel 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i understand that has to make you feel bad (or jealous!), since you are always there for her. but keep in mind that your daughter is probably longing for a better relationship with her father, and so her reaction is perfectly normal. you are doing the right thing in encouraging her to be excited! you should also try encouraging her father to continue to spend so much time with her.
2007-01-22 11:28:46 · answer #6 · answered by Rebecca O 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there are many of us who know how you feel hun, and its completely normal. especially when you play the part of "grouchy momma the disciplinarian" in competition with "santa claus the buy-it-all". realise that the men and women santas out there do it out of guilt. its hard but you have to let it go. look on the bright side - if he's going to do that, maybe you'll have a little extra cash to treat yourselves to a weekend of fun somewhere with the clothing money he'll hopefully save you :;-)
2007-01-22 11:34:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
you have to understand, he could be the worst, most abuive husband in the world.
but he can also be a great dad.
being a bad husband doesnt = a bad father, the relationships are both totaly diffrent
2007-01-22 11:50:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋