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I'm a 21 yr old male raising my 5 yr old sister. I asked for help in another question with controlling her behavior because she has HUGE tantrums and wont eat and such. I would like to know the laws about spanking because im considering that as an option.

2007-01-22 10:48:55 · 8 answers · asked by nick h 1 in Family & Relationships Family

8 answers

Why do you need to make her eat? That one needs to be a non issue. Put the plate in front of her. Eat your own meal without any reaction. When the meal is over remove her plate. Do not react to ANYTHING she does. Two nights like that and she will eat. My son went for four nights. Now he's fine.

Refusing to eat is not a hunger thing its a control thing. You can not win, so don't try. Let her make up her own mind to eat when she gets hungry enough. Don't hit her or she will start having an eating disorder. Also a control thing.

As for the tantrums, control again. In a safe place, completely turn your back on her. Wait for as long as the tantrum lasts (even if it is half an hour). As soon as the tantrum stops, continue what you were doing as if it didn't happen. The next time the tantrum will be shorter. If she gets no reaction to her tantrums, they will stop. Promise.

2007-01-22 11:15:04 · answer #1 · answered by Tamm 3 · 0 0

I would try other things such as taking away games and good things as punishment before resorting to spanking. I do spank my own child but not to hurt but to say "you deserve to be spanked!". That means the spank is so light and only one spank on the bottom that the child is not hurt at all. But the intention is clear to the child, "Your behaviour is bad. You deserved to be spanked. But I am not really spank you".

So how would a fake spank works? It must go together with other punishment like taking games away. It is to remind the child that the next punishment will come very soon unless the behaviour is corrected. And the next punishment won't be spanking but something unpleasant and would last a while such as 1 whole day without TV or game. Children learn very quick when their bad behaviour would stop them getting the attention and love they want.

It's awful to be raising a sister at 21yrs! That's very young. Perhaps you should get as much help from the government as possible. Also send the child to child care, preschool, ... so educators can help her to behave.

While I don't like spanking, I would admit that spanking would have positive affect if it is administered sparingly like 1 or 2 times in a whole year when the child is under 8 years old. A normal child who gets enough care and attention would know that such unhappy event of spanking only happens when they are really badly behaved, so there is no lasting negative effect on the child's emotion.

2007-01-24 13:09:02 · answer #2 · answered by dmaivn 3 · 0 0

Spanking isn't the way to go. Try the time out method. If she is 5, and acting up, put her in a time out chair. She is not allowed to interact with others during her time out. She must stay there, (1 minute per year, so 5 minutes for her). After the 5 minutes is up, get eye level with her and ask her if she knows the reason why she was placed in time out. Then she should say she is sorry. Make her understand that if she does it again, she will be back in time out.

Also, considering your age, are there other family members that can give you a hand? You are so young to be tied down raising a child. Just a thought.

2007-01-22 10:54:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

It's not illegal in any state to spank a child, you just can't leave redness that lasts a long time. You can still give a pretty good sting, certainly enough to handle a 5 year old. Don't listen to the morons who say it teaches violence. It's a specific act for a specific purpose, and kids can easily understand that. Don't do it in anger. The answer above mine is completely correct, and I do not mean to imply that you should use spanking for the problems you mentioned. Kids should not be forced to eat anything, that's one reason so many people are so fat btw, and the best way to handle tantrums is to ignore it completely. Spanking comes into play on pure defiance and specific acts they know are wrong.

2007-01-22 11:20:23 · answer #4 · answered by The Scorpion 6 · 0 0

Unfortuently spanking seems like it doesn't lead to much besides the kid just being more angry with you. You are better off really taking away priveledges. Rather it is games, toys et cetera. That will affect her more than a spanking. Cause once you do it, it may hurt for awhile but then its over. But if you take something away from her, she must earn it back. Otherwise it remains in our possession. This leads to motivation, but also gives her awareness of consequence. I live in PA, I don't know exactly the law on spanking, I just know it won't cure your issues with her. Also try to ignore the tantrum. She will get a payoff by your acknowledgement of it. Sometimes kids look for any kind of attention even if it means negative interaction. She needs to learn to respect your role as a parent and this will come by you making her earn her things back from consequence. Also it will teach her postivie feedback, and allow her to feel the accomplishment of doing "good" and then reward her and you will find shes behaving better much more often. It has worked well with both my children. Most important thing is consitancy! Goodluck!

2007-01-22 10:54:59 · answer #5 · answered by Shannon 2 · 0 0

Ask your representative...I know one state was saying about not spanking a kid under four years old...this is really getting ridiculous because kids need a firm hand and I must confess...the little one was getting away from me and I I I oh wait the cars...I swatted his butt before the situation got out of hand and he gave me his hand without adieu..problem solved
In your case...I think you should lay down the expectations before you go out and if she gets out of hand...bring her home and put her to bed! Some kids are harder to raise than others..Prayers and please be firm...it is for her own good

2007-01-22 10:57:37 · answer #6 · answered by Patches6 5 · 0 0

Please get the book Parenting with Love and Logic! It' a very easy to follow and understand. It worded wonders for my kids.

www.loveandlogic.com

2007-01-22 10:58:43 · answer #7 · answered by Soulfulgrl 3 · 0 0

umm well just enough to show her whos boss but not like abusive

2007-01-22 10:54:30 · answer #8 · answered by amber j 2 · 0 0

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