My long-distance boyfriend of 3 years has told me last night that he cannot continue this way anymore. He seems quite upset with our long-distance situation and he wants us to change it. We see each other once a month. He has been pretty upset about his job as he hasn't got promoted as he'd hoped for and since then he has been telling me he needs me to be closer to him and not far. He sent me an email today and he explained to me all the options we have and he said he'd be happy if I could be closer to him. He asked me what I think about it. I said I agree and I said I was glad he has raised the topic and I gave him my options and we both agreed to a common goal. However, one thing I dont like is that he gave us a deadline of 6 months as he said that otherwise nothing will change if we dont put some pressure on us. He said if nothing will change within the next 6 months, he wont be able to continue this way anymore. He was very logical and practical about it tonight. What do you think?
2007-01-22 10:43:04 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I understand where he's coming from.
2007-01-22 10:47:21 · answer #1 · answered by S K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
short answer, I can see where he is coming from and why he has set a deadline, but in my opinion the deadline is more of a goal or target date and not a firm set in stone date. but i could be wrong.
If the guy realy loves you he would not have set a deadline. he sounds a little too controling. so i'd consider letting him go and get a guy who will apreciate you for you and never put any pressure or set a deadline in this manner.
but after 3years of this kind of dating, i'm guessing that he may consider you a bit of a tease and do not realy want to comit to him. this says more about his own self esteem, which judging from what i read his esteem has taken a knock or two recently as far as his career goes.
tell him how you don't like how he set a deadline. whats his hurry, life is long and you are both young (i guess, maybe in your twenties or early thirties) and as life spans now eceed 70+ years you have years left.
when a guy says wont he normally meants probably wont especially where his love life is concerned. (ok i'm speaking for me here, based on me aged 33).
all you can do is tell him that six months is too soon set a maximum time span to 18 months and he may come back at you with a 12 month option. but where life and love are concerned the only time a deadline should be set is when you set a firm date do do a particular task such as a wedding day and or moving in together.
but the dates need to be agreed between the two partners, one person should never dictate anything to the other if they truly love each other they will value the others opinion and come to a joint decision.
ok this is just my opinion.
good luck. and remember if he realy loved you he would not dump you just because you can not meet a deadline that he set, and for that matter if he loved you he would not have set the deadline, he would wait until you are ready.
2007-01-22 11:27:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It my seem quick and may not be doable but by starting to put the wheels in motion and showing you are genuinely trying to make the change it should assure him that you really do love him and want this for the two of you. If you are worried about it being to quick because you are unsure you want to do it then you need to tell him. But if you really do want this then look into a new job nearer him, a place to live etc. show him you are doing it and then if it does take a bit longer he will understand but feel safe that you love him!
2007-01-22 10:58:06 · answer #3 · answered by bamba_982 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is a good catch and you love him, then IL think he has a right to say whathe did. Three years is a long time, how come you have held off? ILf yuo were thinking right you would realizethat their ismore then you out their. Ithink the man has given enought time towards your decision. Are you really in love with him, or playing games, like having your cake situtation
2007-01-22 10:52:28 · answer #4 · answered by mrboangles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he sounds like a really good guy wanting to spend more time with you, and if you loved him you would want to be with him, you would not need six months, you would be heading to him this weekend. Be careful you may lose him. Good luck.
2007-01-22 11:08:06 · answer #5 · answered by Kirks Folley 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
going out for 3years and only made luv once a month,cant blame him for being upset,he wans to see you more make a change
2007-01-22 10:58:19 · answer #6 · answered by blueendred 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand and if i was him i would of done the same thing too. he wants to make sure that you arent fading apart. i couldnt go seeing my bf only once a month and i think he is getting sick of that also
2007-01-22 10:50:21 · answer #7 · answered by carebear_destroyer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
too long, can you make the question shorter.
2007-01-22 10:47:54 · answer #8 · answered by revolou 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋