I've been with a lovely girl for several months now, and shortly before things began to get steamy the first time, she made sure I understood what I had already assumed about her- that "sex" was a no-no. Here's my question- what defines "sex"?
The farthest we've gone so far during making out is breast sucking, but I'm unsure of exactly how far to go, and how far is too far. I'd like to go a little farther, but I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable.
One one hand, she was raised a Catholic and her parents are fairly strict. On the other hand, she's definitely shown me a side of her she would NEVER let her parents, or anyone else, for that matter, see. She's also never shown anything but contentment with my advances.
How far can I go?
2007-01-22 10:16:01 · 24 answers · asked by thetoastman99 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
To clarify:
I'm not asking about anything like sex, or even oral sex. I respect her enough to know not to do that. I'm asking more about third base and similar steps in between.
Also, rest assured, that nothing we could do would be illegal given our ages and the area in which we live.
2007-01-22 10:25:52 · update #1
well that is tough. if there is a lot of sexual tension between you then you should masturbate dont go ready and willing or with feelings and desires in mind because that will mess up your mind when you are with her. talk to her and tell her to spot teasing the most you can do is carress the breasts, if she lets you, and gently rub her back and glutes to excite her if that is what you want. in the sexual part, if you want to know keep reading other wise dont bother. hope to help.you can only go to where she lets you. be careful for the so called "indirect insinuations" she could show that she wants "more" but she isnt ready therefore you'll get in trouble. you will come out as the bad guy when you obviously knew or thought that she wanted to get more physical. my girlfriend and i started like that with the no sex till marriage but she had that thought for flings and boyfriends. we were both sure of our feelings when we had our first encounter. she knows that i love her and i would do anything for her. we've been going out for a year and i talked with her parents and they know how much i adore her and that we already see a future together. her heart spoke not her body. she wanted to make love not sex. so be careful what you are doing. if you are doing it to experience dont you dare get close but if you are doing it out of mutual agreement and love not hornyness and you are both ready to deal with the consequences go ahead, but you should wait until the right time dont pressure it. oral sex and manual pleasure. are an option but if she is a virgin that is tough. if you finger her you might break something and she will bleed and it will hurt. you must be gentle and only do things over the vagina. stimulate the clitoris and no more. and again only if she is ready and tells you to do it. dont get close and expect for her to say no, because that normally doesnt happen. if it gets too hot none of you will say no. just stimulate the erogenous places that are the ears, neck, back, the glutes, the thighs, lips feet and depending on what she feels is what she wants and shell let you know. dont go ahead without her recognition. hope to help. and be careful man this decision can really mess up your future and hers as well as your relationship. i advice to take it easy i was ready for the worse in m y first time.
2007-01-22 10:30:24 · answer #1 · answered by MAX 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Truthfully you should even be doing that because she going to give in an oops there a child on the way. You two should never be left alone so that way you won't be temped. It doesn't matter what religion she is she shouldn't go there with you if she serious. She teasing you and that's not good. I wouldn't advise birth control, but it sounds like you too are starting to get out of control, so you better have some condoms on hand just in case she gives in BEWARE all parents find out. Death by her father!
2007-01-22 10:26:01 · answer #2 · answered by rma2ks 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me, you have gone as far as both of you are concerned when it comes to sex. At times, even breast sucking can lead you both further which will probably be oral or even more. The thing is , as times goes by, you both may feel that you might wanna take a step further every time and for all you know, sex might be inevitable sooner than you both expected. Well, god bless!!!
2007-01-23 06:52:42 · answer #3 · answered by PhiloPhobic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Isn't it obvious that that's a question for the two of you to answer together? Why don't you just ask her what she thinks?
If the two of you are trying to remain completely within the bounds of traditional Christian ethics, then I think you'd better keep your clothes on -- both of you. I'm not telling you to do that, but that's what, for instance, the Catholic catechism would say. From what you say about your girlfriend, I get the feeling she wants to take things a lot further than that. If so, at least both of you be honest enough to admit that's what you're doing.
2007-01-22 10:19:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Here's an idea - ask HER. What does SHE define as sex? What is SHE comfortable with at this stage, and what may she become comfortable with later on? Ask her to tell you, and to let you know if you ever get carried away in the heat of the moment, and assure her you won't get upset if/when she stops you.
Good for you for respecting her boundaries, and considering her needs! =)
2007-01-22 10:24:59 · answer #5 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her define it. Talk about it, see what she considers to be too far. For some, it might be any genital contact of any type. For others, oral and "back door" action is okay as it does not result in pregnancy.
It sounds like where you're at is probably as far as she's willing to go.
2007-01-22 10:24:03 · answer #6 · answered by gamblin man 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first off, you really need to respect her for her decision. It's hard to find a good girl like that. Yes, she may have a freaky side, but, it's not up to you as to how far it's gonna go. It's up to her as to how far she is going to let you go. But, you also need to sit down and think about if you can really respect her decision. If you can, then, just let things flow, and maybe she may let you one day...you never know!
2007-01-22 10:21:46 · answer #7 · answered by Stefi13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No fingers going anywhere that she would not let any other part of you go. And kissing "anywhere" on the body is up to her. She may think oral counts as "sex", and if so you have to respect that
2007-01-22 10:23:31 · answer #8 · answered by dab1121 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think anything that defines sex - is sex. if you have to ask, it's on the list. i think anything that involves the two of you being naked at any time together - could easily fall into that catagory. but you'll have to ask her.
the only way to know is to ask. she may not want penetration with an organ, but other things might be ok... who knows.
2007-01-22 10:20:16 · answer #9 · answered by mike s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As far as she says is okay. I'm saving myself until marriage too, and I would say that anything that ends in "sex," as in oral sex, anal sex, etc. isn't okay. If you have to put a condom on, or wash your hands after, I wouldn't suggest it.
2007-01-22 10:20:23 · answer #10 · answered by GLSigma3 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋