Can you inspire me to change my attitude?

Question

I wanted very much to have a family, but now that we have a baby (8mo), I find myself experiencing parenthood primarily as a heavy responsibility. A ball and chain, even.


I know, life and everything in it is just what you make it... but I haven't been able to get myself to see how watching the baby is something other than a tedious job that takes me away from what I would really like to be doing. I mean, I can think of it as much more than that in theory - when the baby isn't there! - but when I actually have to carry her around, feed her, play with her instead of what I think I'd rather do, it just seems like a job.


Do you have anything to say that might inspire me to LEARN HOW to see it more positively?

(Besides, "grow up already" -- please just keep quiet if you can't be kind and helpful!)

Answer 1

I never wanted to have kids and neither did my wife but surprise surprise we had one and I was very depressed about it. The first months seemed like a thankless and menial job. My freedom was taken away and now I'm a stay at home Dad. I've felt so trapped into something I never wanted. I can relate to your feelings.
The silver lining was made apparent to me the other day. I went to help friend move which involved an over night stay away from my wife and now 18 month old son. On the way home I realized that I couldn't wait to get home because I missed my little guy so much. It just snuk up on me and now I have no regrets.
It will sneak up on you to one day. These little people have a way of getting into your heart and all the work that is involved in raising them seems like a labor of love.
Best wishes.

Answer 2

I know EXACTLY how you feel and it is very normal.

I applaud your honesty, I wish more people could be as sincere.

The truth is having a baby is a ball and chain, especially when it is your first - your second will be a whole different experience and you will appreciate it more.

The fact is no one tells you what it is really like to become a parent - it's always the same romantic story of how wonderful kids are etc.

But the truth is, it is expensive, alot of work and time consuming. However, as they develop a personality you will begin to appreciate the little one more and as they grow you will soon miss how small they used to be.

I always moaned to my husband at night about the same thing you are complaining about, but after I was done I would also think about how the little one must be feeling.

The baby is quite helpless and it really isn't his fault at all, he is here now and you have to make the best of it.

Enroll in some Mommy & Me classes like Gymboree, join playgroups that meet once a week or more (it helps socialising and the little ones get to explore and meet new friends). This saved my life, I was becomming so depressed and have an activity everyday really helped me relax and enjoy spending time with my little one.

On the bad days tell yourself "Today was terrible, but tomorrow I will try to do better" (whenever I did this the next day always went much better - mind over matter).

When I had my first kid, I was like "Who goes on to have 2; 3 and 4?) But now I love being a Mom and you will too, it just takes time.

Don't be too hard on yourself, there are plenty of Moms out there who experience the same thing.

My advice to new parents is always go out and have as much fun as possible, because once that baby comes your life as you know it is over.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

Parenting is a hard job - no matter what the age of your child. And at 8 months you are not going to get any kind of companionship from a baby. Yes, it is a tedious job; it's the same thing over and over again.

Not all women are meant to be stay-at-home Mom's. Maybe you can talk to a relative to see if they can watch the baby while you get a part time job or some you time - like going to the gym to taking a class. My hubby watched our son at night while I went back to school and had some outside activities - it really helped.

Your child will continue to grow and develop and be more of a challenge. And you may become one of those Mom's that are too involved in their kid's live - lol.

Answer 4

First, you may need to see the Dr. regarding post partum. I realize it's been 8 months, but it's worth the visit.

Second, I have a 4 yr old and I know exactly how you feel. It comes and goes, don't beat yourself up over it. I would suggest trying to find something to do with the baby that would be fun. for example, swimming, music etc. Mom & baby groups are also good, you often find someone in there that is going through the same thing and you can hang out together. But be ready in the Mom & Baby group for those who can't dream about what you are going through...stay away from them.

Hope that helps.

Answer 5

this is the most important job you could ever have because you are molding and individual and the way you treat this baby will have a huge out come in this babies life. You are contributing to who this baby willl be some day. I dont know if your the father or mother but if your the mother maybe your suffering from post partum depression and maybe thats why you feel so trapped. Speak with your spouse or your doctor if you feel that could alos be the reason why you feel like you do. Unfortuneatly parenting is a heavy responsibility and it onl;y gets harder as they get older. seek help for your feelings. take care and hang in there

Answer 6

You will have days like this, and you will have days of when you are going to wish she was a baby again. I know this may sound a little harsh, but you may have a bit of postpartum depression. When the baby is sleep start a journal write your feelings down and what you and the baby did together. As you get older and so does the baby you will be able read back and see how both of you have grown up. When the baby is 2 yrs old and holding a full fledged conversation on absolutely nothing, you are going to wish she was 8 months again. Try never to rush her to get older because that's what happen to us, we rushed to get grown, now we are here and we hate it

Answer 7

My only response would be wait. Wait until the first time she says Daddy and knows it is you. Wait until the first cut that sends her running to your arms. Wait until the day she wants to marry you. Right now you are doing something very repetitive. It is normal to wonder when all the fun starts. Don't miss it now. My hubby got to see our son smile for the first time. He told me he smiled. Now he still talks about it and my son is 4. Those are memories you can't get back. She will grow up very fast. Just keep doing what you are doing and soon enough you will realize that there is nowhere you would rather be. I know that is true for hubby and I. But at first we felt like you. Good luck

Answer 8

PARENTING IS HARD BUT IT IS ALL ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK AT IT. IT IS ALSO VERY REWARDING AND THE POSITIVE OUT WEIGH THE NEGATIVES. THERE IS MORE TO COME TRUST ME I HAVE A 17 MONTH OLD!! BUT IF YOU JUST KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND THEAT LOVE THAT YOU HAVE FOR YOUR CHILD ALWAYS ON YOUR MIND AND IN YOUR HEART YOU WILL SUCCEED.
THERE IS NOT MAGIC PILL YOU CAN TAKE TO MAKE THIS FEEKLING GO AWAY AND MOST PARENTS EXPERIANCE THIS AT SOME POINT. YOU WILL DO GREAT AND BE A GREAT PARENT . WHEN THINGS GET TO MUCH JUST THINK OF ALL THE POSITIVES AND SMILE THAT YOU HAVE THIS WONDERFUL LIFE THAT LOOKS UP TO YOU AND NEEDS YOU.
GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!

Answer 9

I would ask you to consider talking with your ob/gyn or a therapist about your feelings. It sounds to me like you could be experiencing a bit of the baby blues or postpartum depression. The symptoms for depression can show up months after you give birth.

Besides that, have you had any opportunities to get out and about without your baby? Try scheduling activities that you love doing by yourself that allows you to get out of the house while leaving the baby with a sitter or family member. Even though babies take up alot of our time, it's also important to take care of ourselves. This also includes scheduling a date night with your husband or partner which can work wonders for your relationship.

Don't be afraid to ask others for help. And try looking for a mommy support group or seek out your friends who may be willing to babysit for a little while so that you can get out and enjoy your old routines.

Answer 10

Wow you really need to sit back & think of the big picture.Imagine what you want for your baby How you can make a difference in the child's life,set goals for you & your baby to do together.Teach your child about life that way you can grow together its a fun journey enjoy it...