I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months now and I love him so much. The problem is , his boyfriend still lives with him and has been interfering with our relationship. He has suicidal tendencies and my boy feels responsible if anything bad happens to him.
The ex lost his job because he tried to kill himself at work and now he is totally relying on my boyfriend- financially.
The ex is abusing and using my BF just because he CAN. I am hurt (not jealous) that he let th EX do this type thing to him. Helping a friend from time to time is acceptable but abusing ? I dont approve.
I am not a jealous boyfriend, I am just bothered by the whole situation.
Please advise.
2007-01-22 09:41:56 · 13 answers · asked by Vegan 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You need to tell ur bf to get help for this ex cause he cant take on something as serious as this by himself and its also unfair on him and on ur relationship. Tell ur bf u understand he cares about this ex's wellbeing and so do u, but he needs professional help and they really shouldnt be living together, also unless ur bf does something soon this will continue for a long time, his ex living off him isnt good and he wil continue to do it as long as ur bf lets him.
2007-01-22 09:46:31 · answer #1 · answered by Onie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough one! I give your BF credit for trying to help his ex out - commendable but certainly an easy way to put a wedge between the two if you. Sounds like he has a huge heart however which is hard to find! I think you just have to keep your cool and talk very openly to your BF about how this whole situation makes you feel. No one can allow you to feel guilty except for yourself...I say this referring to your BF and it sounds like he has allowed himself lots of guilt with the ex potentially harming himself etc. A huge burden that he has taken on - but one that was his decision unfortunately. Are you sure you are not jealous?? You mentioned it twice in your post almost as if you felt you had to justify it. I am not sure how you would not be jealous as I certainly would;t be able to handle the person I was in love with living with their ex - way too rough!! Good luck & hang in there!
2007-01-22 09:49:17 · answer #2 · answered by chick33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your boyfriend needs to grow a backbone and dump the other guy. yes i said dump. Your BF needs to understand that he is not responsible for this other guy.
Personally, I would be very jealous, because your BF cannot "cut the cord" so to speak. When it comes to this situation you need to take care of yourself. The relationship between the other two is not normal or healthy. Until your BF completely dumps the other guy you two cannot have a healthy and normal relationship. You need to think about yourself in this situation.
2007-01-22 09:49:54 · answer #3 · answered by crzyanl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to be invovled with this kind of stuff, it's sad and sometimes your bf might feel bad if he doesn't help, but what he needs to do is get him counciling or something, talk to him and tell him how you feel about the whole situation, you can't just expect him to know how you feel if you don't tell him, let him know and try to help, he needs to let his ex go, he's interfeiring and if he doesn't quit then just end it with him and find some one that won't give you so much pressure.
2007-01-22 09:49:50 · answer #4 · answered by Lilmamasita 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way to do this if you guys move away from this ex and not give out any of your contacts. This ex is suicidal because of his emotional stability not because of your bf. What you guys can do is intervention --- send him to therapist. If that doesn't work - you need to really ask yourself if you are willing to put up with this issue until your hair turns white -- i know you love your man - but how long can you put up with this -- life is too short to be unhappy... Sooner or later your the one who is going to be feeling lost due to this behavior. Your choice
2007-01-22 09:51:41 · answer #5 · answered by Silkies101 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell ur bf how u feel about it. Tell him basically that u think that his ex needs to move on and get someone else to help him financially. If ur bf loves u back he will tell his ex that he really does need to leave and quit interfering... Good Luck warhawk_softball_chick!!!!
2007-01-22 09:48:41 · answer #6 · answered by Sammy B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why doesn't the ex get professional help if he has suicidal tenancies. Why be with a guy who has lots of extra baggage it can be so draining on relationship. You ought to cut your loses now because that kind of relationship spell disaster on it. Your boyfriend is going to spend more time with the ex trying to help him with his problem that he going to neglect you, then you are going to wonder and complain why he not spending more time you.
2007-01-22 09:53:20 · answer #7 · answered by rma2ks 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should just tell your boyfriend that he should just move in with you and if not then you should just find someine better then him...cause i bet you probly can get better...you dont need another friend like his ex by your side if hes still living with his ex then its ovious he still has some feelings for him even if he says he doesnt...cause that would not make any sense for why he should still be living in the same place with him! an you know what just take your boyfriend and move away together somwhere far if you have to... just help him by getting him away from that weirdo!
2007-01-22 09:49:22 · answer #8 · answered by marlene 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend is NOT being abused. HE is making his OWN choices and is responsible for them. Stop blaming the ex for the choices and actions of your boyfriend. You ARE jealous. That's why this bother's you so much.
2007-01-22 09:47:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hang in ther it should all work out the ex is just hurt and your guy is just trying to do the right thing.
2007-01-22 09:47:56 · answer #10 · answered by grumpy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋