MOMS, I don't know how to do this?!?

Question

I fee like I'm on the verge of going insane, I want to play with my 2 year old and 4 month old more. I feel like I'm just doing all the nessesities (diapers, feeding, cleaning..) and am always fighting crankiness and frustration. and if I clean house my 4 month old is crying in no time and my 2 year old is acting out being destructive or other things she knows she gets in trouble for. I know I need to play more and interact and challenge them. I just don't know how to have a smi-clean home and have anything at all on for dinner? I'm way out if balance and don't know how to get things going better. Plus I don't know how much my husband should do and how much time he needs to spend not working- he works full time and plus his own work at home, and errands for work on week ends.
Are there any moms who stay at home and cook dinner week nights? (not frozen chkn fingers, but healthy prepared food?)
Do your husbands work and also help with dinner prep and clean up around the house?

thank you every one I implemented some of your techniques today and I feel so much better! I can't pick a best answer because they all were so helpful! The tot in the living room for toys, the heavy cleaning day, the husbands who clean the dishes... even the suck it up answer...thank you for your
genuine support!! I've even got new ideas for myself for more quality time spent with the girls, and a more realistic expectation for my husband.

Answer 1

Everyone knows the song you're singing. :) My kids are exactly two years apart.

Divide and conquer. Decide what chores are really important--the ones you cannot let slide. Then divvy them up. Your husband picks a few, you pick a few, and you each get those done whenever you have a spare minute.

Don't look for perfection. You can easily do a quick wipe down of many bathroom surfaces while your 2 year old plays in the tub. Your 2 year old may ADORE the idea of swiffering, which might buy you the time to do a room or two. Let her help you fold towels or sort socks. Or cook: they LOVE to "help" cook, even if it's mostly just getting things out of the refrigerator or cabinet for you.

I cried about this to my mother, who pointed out that the rules have changed. When she was raising her four children, there wasn't an expectation that you'd spend vast amounts of "quality time" with each individual child. She worked, she kept us fed, and clothed, and clean, and our house was presentable, and we took care of each other. (Actually, she spent an amazing amount of time with us individually, too, but she was trying to make me feel better.) Anyway, the point is that your 2 year old needs to be able to play "alone" a little bit, even if that means she brings her blocks in the kitchen and builds while you cook. And she can lavish her attention on the 4 month old in a way you can't. So encourage her to do it. And when that doesn't work, put the baby in a high chair or a sling, and play with your big girl. It will pay off, and the baby won't mind for another couple of months.

Before you know it, the big one will be building towers for the little one to knock down, and loving it. That's the beauty of them being so close together.

Oh, and my husband does our cooking and shopping. I do our cleaning. He does the laundry, but I fold. I drop the kids at daycare, and he picks up. You see? That's how it works.

PS, don't worry about how much time your husband spends "not working." How much time do YOU spend "not working"? Not much, I'm betting. Everyone needs time to themselves. And I think that nursing moms, especially, need EXTRA time, since you can get so TOUCHED OUT during the day. So take a walk, or read a book, or do something for yourself at least once every day. Otherwise, you'll go insane!

Answer 2

OMG!!! Some of these answers are super long! I stay at home with my 2 yr old and 1 yr old. The 1 yr old gets super cranky if I'm not paying 100% to her and it gets really frustrating sometimes. My house is very clean and I do cook dinner almost every single night. I have gotten my kids into a routine where they nap at the same time, so while they are napping I usually tackle some household chore. I have learned that some things just have to wait. After breakfast I rinse the dishes and stack them neatly by the sink, then while the kids are eating lunch I wash the breakfast dishes. I vaccum my entire house almost every single day, now granted my house isn't huge and I am sooo thankful that it's not. I usually don't start dinner till I get a phone call from my husband saying he's on his way home from work, once I get that call, I find an activity for them to do. I let my 2 yr old sit at the table and color, and have recently let him stand on a step stool to "help" cook, my little one I have always put in the bouncy seat, jumper or walker. When my husband comes home he usually takes a quick shower and gets changed then he takes over with the kids while I finish dinner. He always offers to do the dishes but for the most part I refuse. The dishes are actually a nice break from the kids. On weekends he does all the outside work, cleans the bathrooms and helps with laundry. If he has errands to run on the weekend he usually takes one of the kids with him and he stays home with both kids so I can get grocery shopping or my own errands done. He is an amazing guy and sooooo helpful. Don't be afraid to ask your husband for help.

Answer 3

I stay at home, have twin girls (now 4) my husband owns his own company so he works A LOT. I have 3 full time jobs!!!
Cleaning my house
Taking care of my 3 kids (husband and twin girls)
Doing all the paperwork, office things and running around for my husbands business.
I think i have actually already gone insane and just gotten used to it!! Also my husband has no idea how much i actually do. He will come home sometimes and have the nerve to ask me what have i done all day.. I make good healthy meals at least 3-4 times a week the other days i get by with ordering chinese or haveing healthy but very quick things like sandwiches. And yes my kids watch more TV than they probably should. But really for the most part its not really that bad. Did i mention that my husband also goes to the gym 3 nights a week so that puts him home after 9pm. And yes every one with a PHD says interact with your children more, play more, stimulate their minds more, but they probably only work 2 days a week, have babysitters and family to help with the kids, so on and so on. You do what you can and trust me your kids will be ok. try break up some of the things you do during the day, kids have a short attention span anyway, so when your done doing the dishes and getting ready to start a load of laundry, stop for 5 minutes turn on the radio and sing a song or do a dance with your kids, it will give you a mental break and give them some attention and with mine usually i get through half of a song and they are so interested in what each other is doing i can go back to what i was doing without them even noticing.

Answer 4

Ok... I know where your coming from. I have a Daughter just turned 3 and new Son 4 months old. My husband works evening shift from 4pm-1am.. Here is the best way I can describe. This is going to take time about a month to get into the habit but once you've got it down it is great!
Ask your husband to help you get the house supper clean on his day/days off... I mean everything laundry done and folded, floors mopped/swept what we call a HEAVY CLEAN in my house. Then, Clean as you live, this is one of the most difficult habits I have had to establish. Once you have your Home as clean and you feel it can get, then the next morning: Begin. When you go about your day, any messes clean them when they happen, anything that is out of order (my rule is anything that would take me more than 5 minutes to clean up later if I left it there, I clean it then and there.) You kind of have to slow things down in your mind. One thing at a time. This allows me to play with my children at will and straighten the house through out the day. I always run a load of laundry and the dishwasher one in the middle of the day at the end of the day when we go to bed... That away I start my day with clean clothes and dishes...
For cooking healthy diners My advice, (and this is not an advertisemet! hehehe) a george Forman grill.... This is now a necessity in my home... It cooks in half the time, if you add seasoning, garlic, salt, peper. lemon etc. you have great taste and its healty, (it also cooks frozen meat so no time wasted in defrosting) Steam veggies the easy way... in the Mircowave. I buy fresh brocli and baby carrots baby carrots leave whole and tear off the tops of the brocoli stalks into bite sized peices put them in a large/medium bowl add alittle water, put a plate or lid over bowl and put in Microwave for 6 minutes...or corn on the cob (the precutt peices-boil these take aprox 15-20mins) My husband comes home from work @ 7pm for diner everynight and only has an hr so I begin cooking diner between 6-630 everynight. Don't get me wrong sometimes we need something different so I am not unaccustomed to baking either I just begin this alittle earlier due to the extra prep time.
This is not full proof! My husband and I had to do a few Heavy cleans when I was trying to perfect this method, I let it slip a few times and it can become overwhelming. There can be times when it feels like you do not get a break! This is where your husband comes in...I would just try and incorporate him into this... With my husband he is Home during the day so without his coroperation and him picking up after his own messes this would fail misserably. If you can request from your husband when he comes home to clean most or all of his messes to some extent it will make your transition allot easier...
Good Luck!

Answer 5

I am a stay at home mom and I cook real food! Is what we had to decide on is... when he gets home from work then I do no more cleaning! I finish getting dinner done and then we set and eat. I will clean up the kitchen just a bit to where its not a major mess. I do the dishes the next day. Alot of times my 2 year old will help me or I have him do something like read a book or color.. but I put him where he can see me so he feels like we are working together! He works and when he gets home he does not do much! On weekends saturday night we go to his parents and all the girls cook there and thats a major help! On Sundays he will cook or I will but he likes to cook sometimes too so thats cool. When he is home on weekends he plays with the kids alot so I get a good enough break to get me through the week!

Try talking to your husband about helping a bit or find someone to babysit for an hour or 2 every once in a while to give you some alone time to get your cleaning done so you can spend more time with the kids! It is hard I know I do it! Good Luck

Answer 6

Well, I work full time and am a single mother of a 4 1/2 year old little girl. I make a lot of things in the crock pot. I wake up an hour before her, prepare the dinner, stick it in the crockpot, take my shower, get ready, wake her up and get her ready for school. I work from 9 to 5:30 and then when I get home, dinner is ready, and it's healthy! Otherwise, I try and make relatively easy stuff like chicken, rice and veggies.
Try cleaning with the 2 year old, get him/her involved with you. Also, try and do the cleaning when the 4 month old is napping. I know you need to rest as well, but if you pick up during the day and then just put the finishing touches on it during nap time, you will have more time to do that.

Answer 7

I have a 2 year old, and my husband works full time and I work part time from 11pm to 730am. During the day I concentrate more on spending time with my son then a spotless house. When my son is playing with a toy and he's finished and wants to move on, he has to put the other toy away first. We sing clean up, clean up, and he thinks it's a game. Also on the weekends, when my husband is home, he helps me clean when my son goes to bed. He also cooks every Sunday, which is a huge help. I also bought a cook book for 30 min meals that are healthy and good. Bottom line my house will not crumble because there are toys laying around, but I can make my son happy by spending quality time with him.

Answer 8

I always say that I'll clean each night so I won't have to do it all weekend, but after dinner and necessities (ie getting toys out of the living room) it's bath time and then bedtime (quite the ordeal at my house). I have a 5 week old and a 3 1/2 year old. I feel your frustration. My husband will help, but he has to be told what to do and it would be nice if I heard, "What can I help you with?" I grew up in a very old-fashioned home where the wife cooked and cleaned and the husband did not. However, I work full time and I know it's a struggle. I make sure and schedule my day to include time with my kids. I have hubby take baby at night so I can put the three year old to bed and thats our special time where we talk about her day. I play with her on weekends and during the week she "helps" me so I can spend time with her and get my things done. She puts away tupperware while I unload the dishwasher. When I am folding laundry she folds my washcloths. We sing songs while I get my work done and she thinks she's being a big helper!

Answer 9

You are not the only one going insane, I work at home have twin daughters who are 5, and a 7 yr old daughter as well.. The 2 year old can understand "Mommy needs to clean, so we dont have a very messy house" Try bribing or giving the 2 yr old a treat if she can help mommy clean, I swear I think all girls are born with the cleaning gene.. Give her her very own little bucket with mostly suds and a little water, put on old clothes and give her a wash rag and ask her to help you clean her bathroom, not the toilet maybe the tub or the sink.. Turn some music on that your 2 yr old daughter likes and make it fun... I think every mother feels like they need to play with their children more and in all honesty we do..

Get a cook book that is specifically for crock pots, slow cooking, its something that has made my life way easier especially working at home with the kids, I put on a pot roast at 11am, throw in carrots, potatoes, and its ready when my fiance gets home at 6pm..(You don't have to stand there and watch it cook)

My fiance works very hard and I let him by with a lot when he gets home, I feel like I should be doing more since I don't bring home the bacon, ha ha.. He helps with dinner if I ask, if I get it started but I have to start it then maybe say honey, can you put the noodles for the spaghetti in the pot with the boiling water?? He very seldom helps clean house.. He has a bad habit of forgetting where the laundry baskets are. LOL

**You need to run out and get the book Life Laughs by Jenny McCarthy it is so funny and talks about everything you have mentioned.. Seriously go buy the book. :0)

Answer 10

The messy house thing really bugs me sometimes too. What I do is I have a tote in the living room. If I find a toy that is not being played with, I toss it into the tote. At the end of the day, I take all the toys, and we put them away. (This saves multiple trips to the room, only to have the toys drug back out into the living room).

I only cook dinner 1 night a week and on the weekends. I go to school at night during the week, so my husband does all the cleaning, cooking, homework w/the kids , etc.

A routine might be a really good thing for you too. Sit down and schedule time. That works great for a lot of people.