What would this be called?

Question

is it a mental disorder or what? I punish myself for my mistakes physically (force myself to excersise for several hours until my legs and arms are weak, or eat unhealthy foods even if I'm not hungry to make the workout void, stay up for several nights at a time, sleep for a whole day, and many more...) I don't know how to stop doing these things, but I want to stop. I want to like myself, but I seem to fall back into this cycle which makes it difficult... any thoughts?

Answer 1

Based on the limited info I don't think you'd truly qualify for a DSM diagnosis for OCD. The reason I say this is you mention that you punish yourself. You have a keen awareness of what you are doing, but it doesn't seem like you follow a repeating pattern of behaviors. If you feel like you absolutely have to exercise until you are week or something really awful will happen (even if you don't know what) and you cannot stop, that is OCD behavior. It doesn't mean you have it full blown.

Mentally, you are sufferring. I can tell by your list. So in that sense, I'd say you probably have something going on mind and body to make you feel this way. The sense of punishment you seem to feel you need could suggest major depression, as well as a tendency toward OCD. It is hard since I don't know your age and different criteria fit different age groups.

But, in all reality, the name of what you have is not as important as stopping the pattern of behavior. It sounds like a lot of what you are doing is stress induced or a means of diverting your attention/treating your idea that you are somehow deserving of punishment. Well, you are not! I don't care what you have done or what your brain is telling you, but you are not deserving of self punishment. The outside world is hard enough and can feel punishing, so it is time we find a way to get you out of this cycle.

I think, for whatever reason, you are using these behaviors to cope with aspects of your life that may feel out of control, hopeless, or something. The first thing to do is break this cycle and you are going to need to learn with the help of as many others as you feel comfortable with to stop the behavior first because it isn't healthy mentally or physically. It is also a cycle that will feed upon itself if you don't grab the bull by the horns. Your body is taking a beating by these behaviors even if your mind is telling you to go right along with it anyways. That impacts how you function mentally as well. The two can dangerously feed off each other. So lets find a healthy way to make it stop.

First, you do like yourself. Deep down there I know you do. That is why you wrote this. You know you don't deserve what is happening and you like yourself enough to want to stop. That alone makes you strong and very likeable and worthy of every chance you can get. I like you and I don't know much about you expect you put up a sincere question asking for help. Good for you!! Many people struggle even acknowledging difficult behaviors, let alone seek thoughts for change.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to talk to someone who isn't embedded in your behavior. Somewhere along the line you got the wrong idea about yourself, so having a person who isn't part of your regular life can sometimes help you see that what is going on has nothing to do with your worth as a person. If you are a student, take advantage of whatever medical or nursing staff available. Don't be worried or afraid because anyone in their right mind will clearly see you do not deserve this, even if it is behavior you are doing yourself. It is coming from somewhere else.

You don't need to continue with this. You need to replace the routines you've developed to cope with somethng else. I hope that something else uncovers your talents, strengths and absolute beauty. No matter how you feel, the world needs you functional. You've already done something really wonderful and that was simply to write down what you are feeling. Others are feeling it to, so you, in helping yourself, are helping to heal others. That is awesome!

There are a variety of ways to cope with what is happening to you. A combination of the right medicine short term can help break the cycle long enough to build up healthy habits. It is very hard sometimes, but I see a light at the end of the tunnel. You absolutely need someone along for the journey though.

What seems to trigger these behaviors? Is it happening all the time? What is going through your mind before, during and after? When did it first start? When did you first realize it was an issue? All of these components factor into how you are coping. If you can, try to write that down. It will help others understand the best way to help you.

Since you mention eating second to the exercise and it isn't the main focus of what you wrote, I wouldn't say you have an eating disorder. You are definitely putting your body through some stress. Not eating and sleeping normally will physcially make you feel lousy. You need to eat healthy.

How is it that you are able to stay up for nights on end? Is it natural energy, like your body is able to keep itself awake, while you do these things? Are you experiencing times where you are able to stay awake naturally but then you crash out? That could be bi-polar. It would explain your ability to exercise as hard as you do as well as stay awake all night. If you are using any sort of drugs right now you absolutely have to stop because it componds the problem and until you get this figured out, you do not want anything that messes with your brain. It makes solving the real problem harder.

The really good news is that depending on your age and what is comfortable for you, this can be treated and it should. The first thing to do is make an appointment with a doctor,clinic, nurse or someone with a medical background and give them as much information as possible. They can be a big help. It takes a leap of faith, but you've already made it halfway there! Good for you.

Antidepressants can be helpful in the beginning. The most important thing is to fight this off. You can't waste your strength maintaining behaviors hurting you because you will need it to to form healthy behaviors. What is happening with you can be treated and managed. Eventually, you'll discover you have a lot to offer.

You are not alone in this. The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill is a helpful website and resource. You don't need to be mentally ill to benefit from the resources offered. Almost everyone I know has had times where they were not doing well mentally and physically, myself included. There is no way you deserve self inflicted punishment no matter what you feel you did or actually did. You've taken your punishment and now you are ready to move on, right?

I really hope you go to a doctor or clinic for an assessment. If you can't afford it, call your local community health center and explain what is going on. You will start feeling better if you do. Being proactive is such a smart thing, so I have a lot of hope for you.

If you like to read, try Prozac Nation by Ellie Wenzel. It is a great book because you'll see the way the cycle works without being in the middle of it.

Many blessings to you. You are going to make it through this and be the superstar you should be. This is really long, but I feel a huge amount of compassion for your situation and since it is treatable, I think more information is better than just a little. No one can really tell you what is up without running through all the possibilities.

Answer 2

It's called... "beatmyselfup-itis".. ;)

Nah.. you're just being too critical of yourself. Just relax. Take deep breaths and look up and relax your neck muscles.. what you probably need is a massage or aroma therapy to soothe your nerves.. you are unbalanced. Beating yourself up is not the solution. Watch some comedy shows.

By the way, take it easy. If you make a mistake, just find out what happened and learn a lesson from it. People make mistakes - it's part of being human. That's the way humans learn. If you want to be successful, look at what the successful people do - not the neurotic ones, but the ones who are highly successful, like Bill Gates. If Bill Gates beats himself up for every Windows errors, he won't be alive today... But he learned from his mistakes and made himself the richest man in the world.

Learn from it. And take a deep breath every now and then. It will clear your head.

Answer 3

This sounds like an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. You can ruin your health this way. You need to see a psychiatrist. There are very good medicines now that can help the problem

Answer 4

It sounds like several things. An eating disorder, depression and OCD.

Answer 5

I am sure you do these things for much the same reasons that I do them ...to cope with depression and try some management. It works too but there is a price for the happy emotions. I am conscious of the errors involved and try to reduce them next time.

Answer 6

what you have would be considered many things number one you would be "a cutter" even though you dont cut you still do physical harm to yourself also you may have an eating disorder called benge eating, you have severe insomnia and i would think possibly bipolar you should seriously talk to a theropist. good luck

Answer 7

Why do you feel that you deserve to be punished?
It's okay to be human. You're good enough, so stop making it hard on yourself. Remind yourself that
God don't make junk! Whatever it is that you expect of yourself, do you expect others to live up to the same expectations?
Or are you trying to make yourself a martyr??

Answer 8

It sounds like a mixture of OCD and low self-esteem.

Answer 9

This would be called OCD....obessibe complustion disorder