i need help as time is running out. i love my boyfriend of 5 yrs so much but can not marry him. we plan to go to iran in march......to get married but i am scared to go through with it. although he is a good man and i dont want to let go of him i am too embarresed to tell him.his parents r making plans for the wedding and to not o through with it now is so humilating for him and i dont want him to get embaressed in front of his family.there is too much to explain for people reading this so it is difficult for you to get the full picture. i love him so much, more than he loves me.please help with good advice that can help me.no silly answers please as i am very troubled. many thanks.
2007-01-22 09:31:18 · 27 answers · asked by soft 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If u love him that much why are u so reluctant to spend the rest of your life with him ? let him go set him free let him find a woman who will share his dreams and his plan for the future u obviously aren't the one
2007-01-22 09:35:29 · answer #1 · answered by nitenurse 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I like that your nickname is soft because that is what you are being. If someone said to you "go jump off a cliff" would you do it because you were too scared to say no?
Basically this is what is happening, the longer you leave it to tell him, the more preparations are going to be made for this wedding. You need to sit your boyfriend down and say to him that you love him but are not ready for marriage. Be prepared that it may be the end of the relationship but by the sounds if it he is not the man for you anyway if you doubt his feelings for you. Weddings have a tendency to take on a life of their own and overshadow the real reason for marriage - to wake up every day with each other forever. A wedding is ONE DAY of your life. Think about today. By midnight it will be over - that is how quickly a wedding day goes but the husband is there for the rest OF YOUR LIFE. Marriage is not about the wedding, it is about the two of you as partners until you are dead.
Best thing to do is to take a deep breath (and a shot of vodka), tell him the truth and let him deal with his family - things like this happen all the time.
2007-01-23 01:39:07 · answer #2 · answered by Carrie S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must tell your b/f as soon as possible. You cannot possibly allow this situation to continue no matter how embarrased you are. Thats a silly excuse as you are just about to turn a few worlds upside down but better now than after the wedding. When you finally tell him, suggest he tells his friends and family that he called it off if he wants to save face - you can think of a story to tell everyone together. If you really love him - you have to tell him today. Whatever the reason is that you are not marrying him, I hope its a good one and not just cold feet. If you are just having the jitters then give yourself a talking to and get on with it.
2007-01-22 09:38:08 · answer #3 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you know you want to spend the rest of your life with him but are just scared of the wedding then this is just cold feet... maybe talk to your friends about it and you boyfriend.. am sure they'll understand... if there is a solid reason for not going through with it then tell your boyfriend as soon as possible... do not let him go on thinking everything's great if you are just going to upset him closer to the time.
Ignore anything his parents are saying or doing... this is about you and him...
talk to him.. once you have said your worries out loud to him you may then really begin to understand what you are thinking and will know what is the right thing to do...
his reaction will also tell you how understanding he will be as a husband...
do it soon.. before it eats you up anymore and gets too out of hand.
I wish you good luck :)
2007-01-22 23:04:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure why you don't want to go through with the wedding and what has changed your mind? You need to tell him right now before his parents spend any more time and money on the wedding. You will have to be aware that he may end the relationship as he will feel that you dont love him. You need to speak to him about it and give him a good reason why you dont want to get married but stay in the relationship. How would you feel if he said he didnt want to marry you? Its good to put yourself in someome elses shoes. Good Luck!!!
2007-01-22 22:33:14 · answer #5 · answered by jaygirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. That's a toughy.... But I am in the same boat as you, honey. I love my boyfriend of 3 years very much. We had a date picked out, the invitations sent, my wedding dress bought and made. But I got cold feet and backed out. We are still together, because he understands that I was scared; he was scared too. I feel like it has brought us to a different part of our relationship; more of a adventure with him. I feel like he really understands me in every way, and I love him even more. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me how much I love him!! Now I feel like there is no need to rush.
So my advice is that you should just talk to him. Tell him how you feel. If he truly loves you, he will understand and not rush you. And when the time comes when you're ready to get married, it will be all the more special for the both of you!!
2007-01-22 09:48:18 · answer #6 · answered by vanessaracheal 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is a way to help you when you won't fully explain yourself. I couldn't see what advice would be best when I don't know the whole story. You clearly love him so why you would be second guessing yourself is beyond me. If there is another man or something I could see you not wanting to go through with it because you love both of them, but if that is the case, if you love this man as much as you sound like you do and you know he's a good guy... why back out now? Unless you are getting second thoughts thinking he isn't "the one" or something.
2007-01-22 09:37:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel you do not want to get married then you absolutely should not. I know it will be awkward and embarrassing but far better that than do something you really don't want to do.
Have a chat with your boyfriend about the way you feel....tell him what you've said here...tell him how much you love him. Then perhaps the two of you can face your families together and say you've decided jointly not to get married yet, or not at all if you feel that way. I'm sure he would rather say it was a joint decision too.
It will be terribly hard for you to do but I'm sure it will be worse if you just allow yourself to get dragged along with the whole thing.
I would say take a deep breath and do what you know you need to do.
Good luck and best wishes.
2007-01-22 09:37:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-02-11 16:43:49 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have doubts it is better to deal with them now than risk the greater pain and humiliation of a failed marriage later.
If you love him and he loves you, then that is a good basis for marriage, so don't panic. But I would take some time out with your man and talk through what his expectations of married life are, what he is looking forward to, what is is anxious about, etc and see if it matches with your hopes & fears.
You might find it helpful to do some couples preparation - there are good courses run by voluntary and faith groups, or you can get a book/website. One good one is http://www.relate.org.uk/
Don't let the parents take over. Your marriage is about you & your partner, no-one else. You must talk to him about your feelings and fears, as trust and honest communication are the foundations of a happy marriage.
2007-01-22 09:47:01 · answer #10 · answered by Bridget F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you want to marry him? If it's because you don't want a big wedding, tell him. If he really wants one, just get it over with. If you don't want to marry him because he's not the one, tell him. It better now then later. If you wait for everything to be said and done and then divorce him, it's so much worse. If you never divorce him, it's even worse. It'll make you both happier in the long run if your honest with him about your feelings. Who knows, maybe it's an easy fix? Praying for you.
2007-01-22 09:53:52 · answer #11 · answered by Elise 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋