what do I say to a friend/co-worker who's adoption fell through?

Question

A co-worker/friend of mine has been waithing for years to adopt. He and his partner finally got their chance. They went to pick up the baby the day it was born. They held him, fed him & loved him the first few days of his life. Then the biological mother took the baby back. What can I say to him?

Answer 1

Just say, "I am so very sorry, if there is anything I can do to help, or if you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you."

Answer 2

Recognize that the falling through of an adoption is a significant event, and let him mourn. Be there to listen and let him talk it out with you. I wouldn't try to make him feel better by saying that there are always other babies to adopt - mentally and emotionally he has probably bonded with this baby -and now that is a real loss. Say that you are sorry for his loss. don't try to say that you understand - no one can understand unless you have gone through a similar situation. Just be a friend. If he wants to talk, he will.

Answer 3

first understand that this was the birthmother's right. your friend knew this chance going in. just keep in your mind your friend is going through what any parent would if their child was stillborn. they got to hold and fall in love with this child, and then it was suddenly taken away from them. an honest hug is all you need to say. offer to be there to talk if they want, but don't be offended if they don't. this is very personal and very private. a well meant and honest i'm sorry is all you can do.

Answer 4

I'm sorry this happened to you. I know, someday, you'll be a great parent.

I'm always here for you.

Answer 5

Tell him that there are always other babies and kids waiting to be adapted. Tell them that are more opportunities.