I got custody of my two kids when I divorced their mother in 2003 while she was in jail. She has been in and out of jail every year since then, on probation violations that has to do with drugs and alcohol. She wants custody of them when the kids turn twelve. When they can decide who they want to live with. My daughter wants to live with her mom now. Should I give them to her or fight for them? I don't trust her and she does see them everyother weekend.
2007-01-22 09:06:43 · 27 answers · asked by 987splat 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i live in butler county ohio. daughter is 9 and son is 7.
2007-01-22 10:06:51 · update #1
FIGHT FOR THEM!
Your daughter may think she wants to live with her but that's becuase you've been "the bad guy" who makes her clean her room and do her homework and dish out all the discipline for the past four years. She probably thinks living with her Mom will be a walk in the park and she'll have less responsibility. Think back to when you were a kid -- would you rather stay up late and watch TV and eat ice cream unsupervised or would you have preferred rules?
If you don't trust your ex, don't risk your kid's future. If she's still busy with drugs and alcohol, she's not going to give the kids their best chance at a happy life. Your intuition is telling you something. Listen to it.
If you are worried that the courts might grant her custody, you might want to get some pointers from Jeff Leving's website, www.dadsrights.com. You have been the responsible one, stand up for your rights!
2007-01-22 09:19:16 · answer #1 · answered by Carolyn R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well good question, I don't know how old your daughter is now but if its a few years from now, then you should say to your daughter this "We will see" I do have to say something, yo need to remember this is the Mother of your children , you loved her once and well, you did have children with her, I think this no matter what this mother has done if there is any forgivness left in you, you should think positive about this and try to help your kids mom in whatever way Possible.. if it means making sure she gets to rehab, think of the kids, I have to tell you a Judge does not think much about the parents as much as he does as to what is best for the kids and it is the kids the judge will think about and if your kids mother continues to do drugs and do wrong NO judge will let the mother or a father have the kids especially if there is truth to the matter
2007-01-22 17:14:51 · answer #2 · answered by Gina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband did the same thing as you 11 years ago. And the kids are still with us. I don't know what state you live in but i don't think a court of law would allow children as young as twelve to go back in such a unstable environment. Once you have custody it is hard to lose it. She has to prove she is stable enough to raise the children AND support them. It doesn't sound like she is even close. Try very hard to be there for your daughter, she will always love her mother no matter what, so dont' talk bad about mom as much as you want to, (in front of your kids) Let them know you are trying to do what's best for them
Yes fight like hell for them, when they are older they will see that in the end being with you is what is best for them. Trust i have seen it first hand.
2007-01-22 17:15:32 · answer #3 · answered by wmn1120 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she is not trustworthy, you should continue to fight for them. Its easy for the kids to want to be with mom. She's their mom and they need her too. This does not make her a safe parent. If she is still involved in drugs, it will be dangerous for your children to be with her. I would keep the arrangement you have now, if she wants them...make her take you to court. Just because the child is 12 and wants to live with her, does not mean it will just happen. If she is not a good mother, they will not just let the kids go. If you do this through the court system you have a much better chance of her being held accountable to stay clean and sober. I hope for the kids' sake that she does get and stay clean, this is very sad for them. Good job to you for being there for them. Make her take you to court, and then the courts can monitor her visits and make sure the kids are safe. Good luck to all of you.
2007-01-22 17:16:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am going through a custody battle myself. I am a mother but I want my kids...but in your case I would fight for them. Especially if she is involved with drugs and in and out of jail. The teen years are difficult and they don't need to be around drugs and bad influences like that it may possibly ruin them. Keep it every other weekend. Be honest with your daughter of you concerns if she was to live with her mother.
2007-01-22 17:13:25 · answer #5 · answered by me! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No child should be around drugs. I would say you should fight for them. They would be better off with you. Explain to your daughter that wants to live with her mother now that at this time your ex has problems. Be up front and honest with her. Let her know what the situation is.
If she goes to live with her mother and her mother gets arrested for drugs again your daughter could end up in a foster home or be returned to your home. Just let her know what the situation is and what consequenses could come about by her actions.
2007-01-22 17:30:31 · answer #6 · answered by RoiLynn T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My opinion I would not allow her to have custody of my child. She needs to totally get her act together and prove she can stay clean for a long time before I would let her have custody. I would be worried that your children would end up the same way, plus if she was doing drugs and the children are around, drug dealers could do them harm. You hear about innocent children getting hurt all the time because of parents who are on drugs. Talk to you lawyer and be very very careful.. good luck to you all.
2007-01-22 17:14:06 · answer #7 · answered by lynda 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she needs to learn to be a good example to your kids and when she can do that she should start with visitation rights only and see how that goes. of course your daughter wants to go with her b/c she is a girl but you have to instill that her mother doesnt have the right intentions right now. do you think that if she meaning the mother gets visitation rights she might start getting better? you can go pretty nuts without your kids you know. i would give her a little parenting responsibility with them and see if she cleans up a little if she doesnt then she is not a fit mother and make clear to her that if she wants to be a part of there lives at all she need not ^*% this one chance up. you are the parent and need to let your daughter know that you will decide when it is safe for her to see her mom. best of luck to you and your kids.
2007-01-22 17:16:30 · answer #8 · answered by ~annie~ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A 12 year old does not know enough about life make to a decision like this. You need to make it for them. Fight the mother in court if you have to. Based on her past history it is not safe for a child to live with her.
2007-01-22 17:18:23 · answer #9 · answered by DL 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God bless you for taking care of your kids. A lot of men might have walked away some of them might have even run. How will she take care of them being in and out of jail. Anyway if a mother complies with the courts and stays in the CPS system with a caseworker monitor yes. Try to maintain a peaceful relationship with her for the sake of your children
2007-01-22 17:22:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋