I left my ex-boyfriend of a little over two years. He was extremely controlling and mean, made me cry every night, and mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive to me (though I did start it sometimes). There was a reason for it though... His best friend told him that I slept with him. I made up my mind yesterday that I was done with him while I was at work. Supposedly while I was gone from work, his best friend also told him that I didn't cheat on him. Which I would guess is why he was being so nice to me after I got home from work even though he was being the biggest asshole imaginable earlier. I had my mind made up though and I have about half my things moved out of the apartment already. He has been begging me and crying and saying that he learned a lesson and will treat me right. But he always says that when I try to leave. But then again he has never said that he knew that I was faithful before. Was I wrong for leaving him?
2007-01-22 08:51:08 · 24 answers · asked by chanteuse87 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
P.S. .. I didn't actually sleep with his best friend. His best friend made that up to get to us. That's one of the reasons I feel so bad now.. I feel like I let his friend win. But then again, he really didn't have to treat me the way he did and he should have just trusted me.
2007-01-22 12:07:10 · update #1
No you were not wrong for leaving him, my best friend went through the same thing with her controlling verbally abusive boyfriend, she got out before he got physically abusive but some women aren't that lucky. The fact that he has done all this, shows that he does not love you. You feel incomplete because you guys were together for so long, but don't feel guilty and don't let him guilt trip you to coming back to him. He's the one who made the mistake and he'll continue to be this way, he'll never change. Even if you were unfaitful, he should have just left, not put his hands on you or anything else. That's just violent. If he couldn't deal he should have let you go. You were absolutely in the right for leaving him, and though it hurts now, you'll realize that it's best this way. Now you can live your own life, and make room for the right man to come into your life....the one who will treat you like the queen you are. Someone who will never raise their hand to you......good luck sweetie and if you ever need to talk I am here.
2007-01-22 09:04:27 · answer #1 · answered by April 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey...they always promise not to do it again. And it never fails that each "episode" just gets worse every time.
You are right for leaving him...he is wrong for abusing you whether it was emotional or physical. He was wrong for not trusting you when you told him you didn't cheat. He was wrong for taking the friends word over yours. He is wrong...period.
There are a thousand guys out there that would treat you like an angel and never make you cry. Why not give one of them a chance to make you happy.
You feel incomplete because for 2 years the abuse was probably all you knew. But you have a choice now. Take it and run before the next person he makes cry is your mother when she has to bury her daughter!
2007-01-22 08:59:20 · answer #2 · answered by brooklynn_31502 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I know what you're going through... kinda lol. First of all yes 14 is very young to be dating, but everyone does it anyway. If I was you, I would wait till you and your two best friends are alone and tell them how you feel, tell them everything, tell them how you feel like a fifth wheel, and how the 'nerdy' boy stalks you and how you don't like him, tell them that that one boy flirts with you and that you like him. and everything else. Keep in mind that they've been friends with you longer than with their boy friends, and be sure that they know that. Also, looks don't matter, its personality, and how one treats you, that matters. If you don't like the 'nerdy' boy at all even if you try to think about it, next time he tries to flirt with you or something, tell him that you only like him as a friend and you like someone else, and to please leave you alone, and stop stalking you and stuff, but be nice about it. If your friends still don't do or say anything to make you feel left out, it could just be that they really, really like their boy friends and are just still in awe, I'm sure it will ware off soon, and they'll pay more attention to you as a friend. or maybe you need to go and find yourself some more friends not new friends just some more people to hang out with maybe invite another friend into you're group, so you have someone to hang out with while everyone else is with their boyfriends, Don't worry about it too much, and you are very young, you have so much more time before it really matters to have a boy friend. I would recommend that people should weight till your old enough to drive to be able to go on real dates instead of having you parents drive you around. I know what you're thinking, you probably think I'm some like older person and what I'm saying is blah blah blah, but I'm only and I've been single my whole life... so far, and I have never been heart broken, yet, and that's a good thing. I know a lot of this stuff by experience of being a third, and fifth wheel, and of how my friends get boy friends and then become heart broken, in my opinion it's best to wait, and just rely on and work on friendships, not relationships. I really hope this helps. :)
2016-05-23 22:35:35 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It always feel "weird" when you make a major change in your life. Okay, you said the guy abused you and now you want us to tell you if you were wrong for leaving him. Do you really need help with that one? This is one of the major reasons why I don't understand women. Do you all just like being victims? Does it have to do with a kind of joy suffering or do you really feel incomplete without any man in your life? Please answer that question in the details section of your question.
2007-01-22 08:54:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The feelings you feel are normal after a long relationship, even if abusive. Give it time, you will move on and hopefully find a person who treats you right. But, DO NOT get back in a abusive relationship just so your not lonely, it isn't worth it.
2007-01-22 08:54:40 · answer #5 · answered by Common Sense 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO you werent wrong for leaving him. Please do not doubt yourself. It seems like this is a bad situation that may just get worse with time. You found your strength to leave him dont give into the weakness now. I promise the pain and lonliness you feel will go away... maybe not tommorow but it will go away. You will come out so much better on the other side.
2007-01-22 08:59:30 · answer #6 · answered by LeiMe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cant teach an old dog new tricks. He will probably not change.
You will feel like crap for awhile, but thats because you know you put a lot of effort and love into the relationship. So stay away no matter how impossible it seems. You will thank yourself down the line.
2007-01-22 08:57:25 · answer #7 · answered by Tom S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You were definitley not wrong for leaving him.I mean come on he was a complete asshole to you. But it is understandable for him to believe his best friend.Maybe you two should sit down and have a talk about it. You two could possibly get back together.But what you should definitley talk about is trust issues.He put you through hell and back and u did not deserve this.You need to make him understand that he should trust YOU no matter what.:)
2007-01-22 08:56:35 · answer #8 · answered by CPH 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, absolutely not. Leave ASAP & never look back. Better to be alone than have an abusive control-freak running your life, male or female. It will be quite difficult at first, quickly improving to the point you will wonder " why didn't I do this before ? ". ^_^
2007-01-22 08:56:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i see only your side of the story,cant say u r right or wrong but two involved here he has a right to know y u left and u have a right to make your mind and dont llok back,the pain and discomfort will go within days,but i think from your view its a good decision
2007-01-22 08:56:22 · answer #10 · answered by reifguy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋