Ok short version: I have been "dating" this guy for about 3 years now and we have been going through this on again off again cycle and i seriously want to get off this merry-go-round and stay in our relationship. Now he has feelings for me, I know but he isnt the expressive type. (at least not to me anyways) Now I respect him and his feelings but he is starting to give me the cold shoulder and I dont know why. What should I do? I dont want to lose him. I am not desperate but i really am at my wits end! Please anyone who is in this possition or has ever been in the position please help!
Thank you
2007-01-22 08:42:09 · 13 answers · asked by gossip_gurl_2006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Ok huge misunderstanding on my side. OK we are in high school and we are going through this up and down round n round story. He hasnt shut me out or anything like that. The problem is that he wont tell me how he feels and (as many of you have so acurately put it) I am feeling drained. I am willing to break but i am afraid that once we break there will be no coming back and that is so not what i want.
2007-01-22 09:23:41 · update #1
you tell me and we both will know!
2007-01-22 08:45:25 · answer #1 · answered by whateverbabe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough cycle.
Some relationships are just not meant to be and this sounds like one of them. You both have had issues for a reason and I doubt those reasons will change unless you invest in some serious counseling.
Healthy relationships come from healthy people. You may each have to work on some things personally before you can be in a healthy relationship with each other. Plus, it sounds like you have more emotional openess then he does. That may never change and you would do yourself well not to try and change that. Some men are just not capable of opening up emotionally the way many women want them to.
I had been in similar situations and tried to keep afloat a sinking ship. It was so emotionally tiring. Since you guys have been at it for 3 years, you both have probably gotten used to the struggles and are each somewhat afraid to let it go.
maybe the best thing you can do for now is give each other some space and time. You said you don't want to end it, so how about just taking a break from it all. Work on yourself during that time. Get some good counseling with someone especially trained to work with relationships. top trying to figure him out and use the time to really understand yourself and why you choose to hold on to the turmoil? You may just realize that you do not want to go back to this roller coaster ride.
Good luck. I really do wish you the best. It is hard when you are so emotionally invested.
2007-01-22 08:51:04 · answer #2 · answered by Singthing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, I'm dizzy now from going round n round! I'd say get off the merry go round and go your own way. If it's been going on for this long and three years is a long time, it's not going to change. You deserve someone who is sure about their feelings and what they want. This one sounds immature and still doesn't know he wants, which does not give him permission to make you wait. Go out with friends, or do things on your own time etc...don't wait for him. I've been in this situation and I left it. I don't mean to sound so cut and dry, but with something like this; you about have to. Keep me posted and best wishes!
2007-01-22 08:48:20 · answer #3 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is the man for you and you believe it with all your heart by no means give up on it. However after speaking to him directly and voicing your concerns if he does nothing with them you have a decison to make. If you want to stay in it you will not be able to change him. So you will have to get right with the fact he is the way he is...Or you can not get right with this and decide now that its not ever going to work out. You will never be able to change him only how you perceive him. I personally have played the going back and forth thing before and it didnt work out because i wasnt yet willing to accept things for what they were. There was no love lost just satisfaction knowing we were meant to be. When your done playing the game you will know your done and my biggest advice is dont try to change anyone but yourself because you have no control over how anyone conducts themselves.
2007-01-22 08:54:17 · answer #4 · answered by LeiMe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow oh so familiar, only I've never seen it so plain and in black and white. I went through this and I know for a fact if it's been 3 years it will never work. If it isn't working now what makes you think it will work as husband and wife. It won't. Please take my advice ditch this dude, get your hair done and call a girlfriend and go have a girls day. Time away from him will only heal this horrible cycle. We tend to live and make decisions on our raw emotions so stay away from him, even if he calls don't put yourself out there anymore. The time has come to put you first not him. Good luck!!!
2007-01-22 08:50:06 · answer #5 · answered by pumpkin spice 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmmmm.. you seem like your really into this guys.. but it seems that the guys has lost his attraction for you... i think hes seeing other gurl.. and he's using you as a sort of back up chik..... Theres really 2 ways you can go with this.. one is you stop this Crazyy cycle.. its gonna emotionally burn you in the long run and i think its starting to burn now. . and look for another guy. that will take you seriously. the 2nd option.. is to build that attraction again.. i think over the years his attraction level for you has dropped and thats why hes taking you for granted... So learn how to build attraction.. and ill put one of my precious balls, hehehe, on the line.. that if you can succesfully learn how to create attraction again.. he'll be begging for you.. *wink*2x. GUD LUCK GURLL... HOLLA at me if you wanna talk bout this.. peace out
2007-01-22 08:56:24 · answer #6 · answered by harry B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been in a on and rancid relationship. we dated about 4 circumstances i trust. and all those circumstances we were given again mutually, it change into basically awkward and unusual. yet ultimately issues went again to frequent. yet were now no longer relationship anymore. we stopped speaking and easily hated one yet another. yet then now, were basically friends. and at times we nevertheless experience that connection there yet we are not gonna date because we went by potential of thanks to a lot. and the in uncomplicated words thanks to interrupt the cycle is to truly basically attempt to allow them pass. you are able to properly be disillusioned and harm, yet you'll meet someone. wish that helped somewhat :)
2016-10-17 02:49:09 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's that on again-off again--I'd probably want off. I wouldn't trust the guy. After three years, he should have made up his mind.
You might need to tell him that it's time for him to choose you or hit the road. If he cares enough for you, he'll do the right thing.
2007-01-22 08:47:25 · answer #8 · answered by Holiday Magic 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get off. Seriously, real relationships with a future don't go that way. Take it from someone who's had it both ways.
2007-01-22 08:45:40 · answer #9 · answered by Fire_God_69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A healthy relationship requires EQUAL participation. Explain to him, that you are more than willing to do your part and you require him to do his part. I hate to say it, but unless he does his half, you are only a filler in his life. The 2 parties must communicate. Best of luck.
2007-01-22 08:51:50 · answer #10 · answered by grtoo9 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
put yourself on the remote control, you need battery and range, so the best thing to do is try to get something permanent channel, get married with him finished
2007-01-22 08:49:31 · answer #11 · answered by lost my thing 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋