My parents let my 25 almost 26 year old brother live at home rent free. He never has had a real job, and my mom does all of his laundry and things like that. Every pay check that he does receive, he spends on electronics and other things that he wants. I have confronted my parents on this in the past, and they always just shrug whatever I say off. They say they are letting him decide what he wants to do with his life. He is a musician (not a bad one but professional level) and expects stuff to just fall at his feet. He doesn't want to start at the bottom and work his way up. He wants to go ahead and start at the top. My worry is that he lives with my parents forever and then when they pass away, I will have to kick him out into the street on his own because I am definitely not going to care for him. Any suggestions or similar experiences?
2007-01-22 08:15:32 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am not saying it is wrong to live at home with your parents, but I do think that at the age of 25 you should at least be learning how to take care of yourself such as at least paying your parents rent and things like that. I have a very successful cousin in her 30's who lives at home with her parents, but she takes care of herself and contributes to the family. If her parents were to die tomorrow, she would be able to fend for herself. I do not believe that this is the case with my brother.
2007-01-22 08:30:48 · update #1
I have talked to my parents about this and they are oblivious as to what they are doing. I can't force them to kick him out and make him grow up, but I can take a stand and not let him do it when he comes and visits us at our house which he does do on occasion. I refuse to do anything for him, so he just gets my mom to do it instead. He won't even make a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich for himself. For those of you who say that I should just ignore the situation (which I do on a daily basis), my mother calls me very upset on numerous occasions because her sister is just like my brother. She is in her late 40's and lives with my grandparents and uses all of their money and retirement. It is hard listening to my mom complain and complain about her when what I really want to say is she is enabling my brother to be just like my aunt. I agree with most of you though. It isn't my business, and I have talked to them all and that is all I can do.
2007-01-22 14:53:49 · update #2
Well, let Mr. Muscian do whatever he wants in his own home! He is a grown man, and by living at home with 'mommy and daddy', they are enabling him to never grow up! Until they get a "tough love" attitude, brother dear is going to take advantage and use every excuse of having the best of two worlds. Boy! How wonderful it would be to live at home with my parents,and have my mom do my laundry for me, and not to pay rent! WOW!
To answer your question about similar experience..well, I know a family here in town that has allowed both there adult children to stay in the home. The son is now in him late 30's..still at home, still drinking beer..and the daughter? Oh, she lived at home until she was 30, got married briefly..twice. Still home, now with boyfriend and baby on the way....talk about mom and dad being taken advantage of! Who's house is it anyway?
2007-01-22 08:26:48 · answer #1 · answered by faith4ricknlisa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think that you are left with any options to make things justified for everyone. You arent your brother's parents, nor do you make the rules in the house.
If you parents decide to do this, then let it be. I'm sure they are smart enough to not let things too out of hand. You dont know their motif on this situation.
You should just go about doing your own thing and just being as independent as you can. Be a role model and/or positive influence towards your family. It will be noticed and hopefully your parents would try to implement the same lifestyle that you live on your brother.
One last thing, I would also have a one time sit down with your brother and vent out everything that you feel about the situation. Give your opinions and dont leave him any room to talk excuses.
2007-01-22 08:47:20 · answer #2 · answered by bjperez07 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're probably going to have to back off. If your parents don't mind having him sponge off them there's not much you can do. They aren't doing him any favors by not forcing him to be responsible and independent, but if you confront your parents then you may end up damaging your relationship with them. I'd sit down and talk with my brother and let him know that if he's living with your parents he should be contributing money to the household, doing not only his own laundry but his parents too along with household chores and grocery shopping. He's not going to be receptive to this but you'll feel better letting him know how you feel and how it looks from your point of view. You can talk with your parents in a non-confrontational way that they would be helping him if they didn't make it so easy for him to continue living with them. This is a tough one since neither of the parties seem to have a problem with this situation. Good Luck!
2007-01-22 08:34:13 · answer #3 · answered by Kimmi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you. I think that being 25 and living at home is ok, as long as you have a steady job and help out with groceries, cleaning, etc.
Advice: I would talk to your parents about your concerns. Let them know that he needs to be a bit more independent, and that they should charge him rent (maybe a small fee to live there since he is their son). Tell your parents that they need to expect him to help out around the house because you don't want to see them doing ALL the work.
I'm sure your brother doesn't mean to take advantage of them, but in a sense, he is taking advantage. Bring this to your parents attention, because they may be blind to it.
2007-01-22 09:25:13 · answer #4 · answered by *Logan's Mommy* 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your all adults and if your parents choose to take on this burden that is on them. I wouldnt say anything to them because they obviously are not going to do anything about it. I doubt he will either but I would speak to him and tell him to man up and get his sh*t together. He is enjoying a free ride though so I doubt he will do anything different either...but just let him know how you feel about him taking advantage of your parents.
2007-01-22 08:30:27 · answer #5 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you saying, that no one should live with their parents when they're 25? Or are you just concerned, that he doesn't pay rent to your parents?
2007-01-22 08:26:06 · answer #6 · answered by furienna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i haye been sitting here thinking .how in the world can this be any of your bussness besides when your parents pass away .how do you know that their not going to leave him the house and everything in it people like you cause a lot of family problems
2007-01-22 09:00:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is between your brother and your parents. You should stay out of it.
2007-01-22 08:37:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋