My daughter?

Question

I am a single mother of 2 girls, 12 and 6.My oldest daughter has just told me that she use to cut herself and now she does it sometimes.her dad acts like its not serious.We live in nm and she is failing school and I can't work because I am trying to be there for her and her sister,and I don't have a babysiter.We want to move somewhere away from her father and someplace that I can afford to live and not a big city.I told her that jobs are hard right now,but she hates the living situation right now.Did I tell you that we live with her father(my ex).He won't help with the babysitting because my youngest is not his child.I need some advise(serious only).I am worried that if we don't relocate she will fail school and continue hurting herself.

I don't know anyone else here and its just the 3 of use if you don't count her dad.

We talk.My daughter is my best friend,but she has a habit taking on my stress,No job and having a real home for us.I told her that is not her job but she does.

Answer 1

move out and get therapy.

Answer 2

First up, you have to get her into some therapy. There are free clinics around to help. As for you, you need to at least get a part time job while the kids are in school. I don't know how you'll be able to move unless you have a little next egg somewhere. I agree that you need to get out of this location. I wish I could help you with that. Do you have any family that will put you up? You also need some education. There are on line courses you could take. That way you can be home for the girls. They need to see you in a positive and productive light. Be a role model for them. I'll say a prayer for you and your family. Good luck

Answer 3

First of all, I would deal with the obviously urgent at hand. The self destruction. It only gets worse and this is how she is dealing with her pain and anger. Talk to her, tell her to come to you when she is feeling upset before she cuts and the two of you work out another way that satisfies her anger without harming herself. She will need professional help if it doesn't come to a halt. Sometimes, a professional is the only one that can make the difference and this could be the difference between life and death. The living arrangement doesn't sound healthy for you or her and her sister. You need to find a way to be out on your own with those children. State assistance, a job (many offer or help with childcare), whatever it takes. Your ex not helping with childcare costs is only damaging that little girl, knowing she's not loved by him like your older daughter is. Please, look into any help offered in your community. The three of you should be together, close to one another, and able to share everything! Communicate. Communicate with those kids until you are all communicated out and then communicate some more. They depend on you for their safety and everything else. Pull yourself up by your boot straps, put on the strength gear, and get going in the direction that leads to success and happiness. It may not be easy but it will change the lives of three people who love one another and can be there to support each other through it all. Don't wait any longer. Get out and get going! There's lots to research and be doing. Oh, just love those girls!

Answer 4

I was a single mother for many years so I know how hard it is to work and take care of all the other responsibilities. I also had an ex who didn't care about what was going on with his kids and didn't help in any way.
The first thing I would do, is move away from your ex, or make him leave. You should try getting social service or some form of housing subsidy program, like section 8, depending on what your state has to offer.
Wherever you live, the most important thing you have to do it get your daughters into therapy. The reason I say daughters is because I believe they both need counselling. Your 12 year old, because of the cutting, and your 6 year old because of the neglection from your ex. You don't need that kind of man around your girls. He is no parent, no role model for what kind of man they should look for when they are adults. Having him around is just making the problems worse.
Your 12 year old needs you more than ever. I am sure you talk to her and spend as much time with her as you can. It is very hard when it is all on your shoulders.
Find a good church and get involved as a family. Your Pastor will be able to help you get into some therapy, and maybe even free,or at least very inexpensive. But please get them into therapy, especially your 12 year old.
If your ex seems to think it is not so serious, here is a little information I found on the internet for you. Let him read it, and there is plenty more info out there.
God Bless you with wisdom, strength, peace, and courage, while making these decisions.


Info from a Teen Cutting site:
It can be hard to understand, but people who cut themselves sometimes do it because it actually makes them feel better. They are overflowing with emotions - like sadness, depression, or anger - that they have trouble expressing.

People who cut themselves are often full of intense emotional pain, but they have difficulty relieving the tension this causes in the usual ways. They may think that they have to be strong, and so they may not allow themselves to cry. They may have been taught as children that expressing emotions is wrong. But the tension inside their bodies and their minds becomes almost unbearable, and they find that cutting themselves somehow relieves that tension. It's as if the physical pain releases the emotional pain they've been feeling. It actually calms them, at least for a short time. It helps them feel as if they are in control of their situation and their moods.


No one knows for sure why some people injure themselves. Research suggests that it could be a combination of several factors. These include low levels of a chemical called serotonin (pronounced: ser-uh-toe-nin) in the brain, which has also been linked to depression and anxiety. Family background may play a role; people who self-abuse may have been discouraged from expressing their feelings as children. A history of physical and sexual abuse may also be associated with self-abuse.

Self-abusers don't usually intend to hurt themselves permanently. (In fact, many would say that cutting helps them relieve the depression that might lead to suicide.) But many theorists believe cutting is an addictive behavior and that self-injurers will need to make more and deeper cuts as time goes on to relieve the pain they're feeling. This can lead to serious medical complications.

Answer 5

Please take your daughter to therapy. She needs help now before she becomes unreachable. I have a 12 year old girl and know how they take on the problems of the world. Try not to share your obvious unhappiness about your living situation. Get government assisstance, food stamps, med insurance, housing. Not sure if it works in NM, but try calling 211 from any phone. that's the number for First Call For Help. Tell them your situation. They have resources for food, clothes, emergency housing & funding, etc. Also, if there is a YMCA near you they offer daycare and after school care, free transportation (limited) and their fees are based on your income (my kids went free!) Don't stop asking for help. Ask family and friends. Don't keep your daughters secret. Don't feel ashamed. We all have problems. Good Luck!

Answer 6

First you need to get your daughter into a counsler so she can talk about her problems

There are many government programs that you can partake in just till you get on your feet again. Many welfare agencies will also help with daycare. You can also look into a Section 8 program to help you get housing to leave the fathers house.

Most importantly you need to be a parent to your child instead of the best friend. She is too young to be taking on adult problems. She needs you more as a mother than a friend. I know this because that is what my mother wanted to be to me my friend and I would have rather have had her be my mother.

Answer 7

First of all your daughter needs help from a Dr and you can go to Human Services and they will help you with your problem , Churchs also help some times with relocating people . There is help out there , take care of your girls and your self Good Luck

Answer 8

Talk to the school counselor if you can't afford private counseling. Get a job when the children are in school to ease the financial burden and dependency on the father. Take them to church on Sunday and get them involved in activities that don't cost money. Church can put you in touch with any assistance you need for your girls. If they don't you are in the wrong church.

Answer 9

First of all your daughter needs some help, since you arent working go to your local dept of human service ask to talk to someone about everything- they can set you up in a income adjusted housing unit. rent is based on income. Hope this helps Good Luck

Answer 10

If you believe in God, Pray for her and Pray with her. If not, keep talking to her, your love and devotion can be the most important thing to her right now. I was previously a "cutter" and when i saw how much i was hurting my parents, i had to stop. I have a similar situation with my father as well. My only advise is to try as hard as you can to be patient with your situation, and keep trying. Thanks for being a good mother, you're making the world a better place.

Answer 11

Hello .I am sorry your daughter and you all are suffering . Your daughter is hurting herself because it gives her total control and helps her deal with what is going on .The pain she feels inside she is putting on the outside thinking that it will help. No doubt she is feeling depression and helplessness . You need to get her help now even if she says she doesn't want it . This could lead to worse.good luck to all of you .........one who has been there