what to do when someone is questioning your discipline tactics?

Question

A couple we hang around with is not in control of their child and when we try to discipline our daughter in their presence the husband will almost always question our reasoning or method. for instance. He asked if our daughter could have Coke w/ her lunch ...( I said no, We just give it as A treat)....he gave me a strange look and said..." how would you like it if someone was telling you what to do all the time" ....Its strange but he seems to think like the parent that wants the kids to think hes cool or something or a good buddy without setting limits. He interferes with our discipline because if it.

Answer 1

You asked a similar question earlier if I'm not mistaken. My advice is: Make new friends.

The "new age" parenting style is all about respecting the child by letting them have what they want, make their own decisions, and guiding them instead of disciplining them. My guess is your friends are following this parenting style.

This wouldn't be a problem if it wasn't interfering with your style of parenting. They are questioning your authority in front of your daughter and making you look like the bad guy when all you're doing is raising your child correctly.

Make new friends..friends who have similar parenting techniques..friends who don't question you're every move.

Answer 2

1. If the people say this around your kids, not only are they showing you up but they're convincing your kids that you are unfair. Tell these people that it is the way you are parenting your child, and they can't interfere.

2. Not letting them have a coke was an excellent idea. They already had a treat- and you refuse the soda because you care about their health.

3. You need to look out for your kids and guide them until further notice, so what you did is right. Ignore the people who criticize your methods.

Answer 3

I think the only time that someone has the right to question another parent's discipline tactics is if the parent is clearly abusing his child - physically or emotionally. I am a grandmother whose children were both emotionally and physically abused by their father, an alcoholic, and so I am especially sensitive to this subject. I don't like it if my grandchildren are even spanked. I certainly believe children need limits, but there are many other ways to enforce limits for children, such as "time-out", or the taking away of privileges, etc. Incidentally, I also think that Coke, if allowed, should only be as a special "treat".

Answer 4

THIS GUY IS AN IDIOT. I could see if you were hurting you child but he has no place to say anything to you. You raise your child the way you see fit, and inform this couple that if they cant accept the fact that you place limits on your child that you cant spend time together. Ive been through this with a few family members, grandma backed off and still spoils my boys but she will at least ask me before she does something over the top. We avoid the family members who consistantly step over the line and undermine the rules we set forth. You are your daughters Mother, and from what I can see she has a headstart on a lot of kids out there since her mom and dad care enough to set limits and not allow to many treats

Answer 5

Hey no worries. It sounds like to me you're doing just fine. It's your child and not theirs. If you want to give your child soda only for something special that's the way it should be. Back in the '50s and before that people only had soda for special occassions. And they were healthier than what people are today. Today the U.S. is more than 50% obesse and yes they have high standards but you know when you drive down the road or go to the mall you see all kinds of fat people, people eating fast food (not to mention not sitting down to eat and digest their food properly), and are always drinking pop. There is a whole aile in every grocery store dedicated to just soda. And you know what I bet your child didn't cry one bit when you said no and I bet you have a child that is poliet and does not go around screaming. And that other person's child probally does. And who likes to hear a spoiled little bratt screaming because they don't get what they want.

Answer 6

I would tell him politely that this is your child and you will raise her the way you think is best, just as they do with their child. I would tell them that you do not always agree with the way they are raising their own child, but that you respect that it is their right to raise their child as they see fit, and they need to do the same with you. I would also tell them if they could not do this then you could not hang out anymore if you have the children. It really is none of anyone's business how someone raises their children so long as they are not abused or neglected.

Answer 7

You may seem to be 'abusing' your kid(s) and it distresses him, while he sees his way of 'discipline' as best ... so if you 'really like hanging around' with this couple and their child, then you need to talk to your daughter about what she may have and what she may do BEFORE you have to answer those questions in public. Tell your daughter that you are trying to raise her 'properly' and be as good a father asy ou can, and that you think their child is 'uncontrolled' ... but DO NOT try to stop the children's friendship, because you my be the only (and best) good influence' in that child's life, as they may be to your child.

Answer 8

Dont be friends with them lol plain and simple. Or if you are really good friends with them then why not express the way you feel and tell him that his child is out of control and yours is the way she is because she has boundaries and rules to follow. You are the parent and when he asks your reasons for things, explain your honest reasons for things. Who knows maybe hes starting to see the way his child acts and wants his child to be more like yours but doesnt know how to get there. He might be taking lessons from you :)

Answer 9

You don't say how old the children are, but I would simply tell them "This is the way we do it in our family". Some day the other child will be out of control and have big problems in school (b/c no one has ever told him NO). Stand firm to raising your child with what you know is right.

Answer 10

I think I would find more mature friends. This guy sounds like a control freak. It's really none of his business how you choose to discipline your own child.