I'm really sad some one cheer me up only serious jokes no life's to short PLEASE?

Answer 1

Donkey in the well

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old, that the well needed to be covered anyway and that it just wasn't worth retrieving the donkey. So he invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quietened down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.



Parable of the Carrot, Egg, and Coffee

You may never look at a CUP OF COFFEE the same way again. A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?" Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity--boiling water--but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water. "Which are you?" she asked her daughter. " When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?" Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you can get better and change the situation around you with God's help. How do you handle adversity? When adversity strikes, ask yourself...ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?

Answer 2

How about the daughter getting married and finds out her mother and step mother have bought the same dress for the wedding. The step mom is stubborn and won't return it because she is going to look like a million dollars at the wedding. The mother of the bride says she will buy a new dress and does. The daughter tells the mom she will never have an occasion to wear the original dress again and the mom says oh yes dear I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!

Answer 3

A soldier arrives in Iraq and reports to his post, out in the middle of nowhere.

After a few weeks, he asks some of the soldiers what they do for fun action there. "We use the camel tied up behind the captains tent."

Disgusted, he walks away.

A couple more weeks go by, he decides to ask the captain himself. "Sir, the men here told me that if I want some action, I should use the camel tied up behind your tent." The captain responds, "That's correct private, we all use it."

Curiously, he finally decides he should give it a try. So he pulls up a stool and does his business.

He walks back into the captains tent and says "Sir, that was by far the nastiest thing I have ever done."

To which the captain replies: "You know son, most of us just ride him into town..."

Answer 4

A girl and her bewst friend were Walking past a out of gas station when A car pulled out in front of the them and asked the girld best friend if she was a illegal Mexican ...

THEN The friend Replied ,"No Im Native American So get off my land and Stop eating my f**king Corn".

Answer 5

A doctor is making his rounds at the hospital he works at early morning. A nurse walks by and notices that there is a rectal thermometer behind his ear. The nurse walks up to him and informs him of this, to which he replies, "D@mn, some @$$h0le must have my pen!"

This was posted the other day...It is hard to make me laugh...but this one got me :) .

Answer 6

effective jokes!!!! i am going to tell u one comic tale " a lady and her 5 12 months previous daughter were going to attend a wedding ceremony. As this become the first wedding ceremony the little woman become attending, she requested her mom "Why is the bride wearing white?" because white is the colour of happiness" replied her mom. "Then why is the groom wearing black? Is it the colour of saddness? Is a lady chuffed at the same time as she receives married, yet a guy unhappy at the same time as he receives married??" requested the little woman. Her mom did not answer.

Answer 7

Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one responded, "Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "That must be the door -- I'll get it!"

find more clean funnies here....

http://www.gcfl.net/

Answer 8

ok
there was this guy stranded in the desert and he sees this guy with 2 camels coming. he asks for one of them. he says "ok but hes a weird 1. u have to say GO to make him stop and praise the lord to make him go or go faster.". so he kept saying praise the lord to make him go faster. then he saw a cliff ahead and yelled"STOP< STOP< GO!!!!!!!" and the camel stoped at the edge of the cliff."Praise the Lord!!!"

Answer 9

Only serious jokes? LOL, that did it for me....

Answer 10

Why are you so sad?