a broken heart a broken soul
needing somethign to makeit hole
needing tears tears of the rain
needing somethign to take away my pain
needing love need it so much
my heart needs a afeeling of my lovers touch
no time for me no time at all
in behind everyone else i fall
i crash and burn and fall from high
as people take away my sky
i am but a side plate somnethign to be seen
somethign with a heart but all peopel do is scream
so all i say is im ripping at the seems
as my breaking heart is seen as my breaking heart screams
as i come to an end as my heart just stops
as it sinks to bottom sinks liek a rock
as i look at them and ask myself why
i look and i reach tryign to grab my sky
i stretch out far i stretch out hard
but i pull back in pain with my heart so so scarred
so what do i do what can be seen
or shoudl i just sit in teh backround never knowing.... never seen
2007-01-22 05:59:36 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
pushed away pushed afar
puhed deeper into my scars
no one bothers oh here he goes again
ill just hide myself right here in my pain
ill stick around ill try my best
even if sometimes i am a pest
i cry a hard tear ill drop it far
ill scream out my pain so so far
never knowing....never seeing
always taking... never dealing
2007-01-22 05:59:47 · update #1
You were right...It is rubbish
2007-01-22 06:03:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I found the content somewhat depressing. Sorry but it just doesn't jell together very well. There are spelling mistakes in every verse and there is no punctuation. The use of lowercase letters throughout interrupts the flow of reading. One cannot tell where one sentence finishes and another starts. I feel you may have potential but you must use correct grammar and spelling to make the poem work. The punctuation is very important.
2007-01-22 14:17:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that poem is rely gud, i love it...
i write poetry too but never as gud as that mine are similar about heart ache and loss
eq. i sent a dove to heaven with a parcel on its wings
becareful when you open it
its full of beautiful things
inside are a million kisses
wrapped in a million hugs
to tell you that we miss you and send you all our love
because we had a baby cousin die a little while ago so i wrote a lot of poems to help me cope
by the sound of your poem you have been heart broken and poetry is like a relief
keep it up its a talent hun hugs and kisses
2007-01-26 06:51:55 · answer #3 · answered by Irish Lassey Sammi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is good!
My criticisms would be that its too long, and that you should concentrate more on what you want to say rather than it rhyming. Also some parts did not flow as well as they could. It is good, but needs a bit of editing.
Well done!
2007-01-22 14:04:56 · answer #4 · answered by As You Like It 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let not your anger catch your tears
your not alone release your fears
this world is grim without no light
embrace your heart it rides the night
when sometimes friends or words cant heal
a space alone your hurt to feel
All odds will fall against your will
yet just remember who loves you still
From the dark let go of those
whose only passion your soul dispose
Its over now take up your arms
vow yourself the dark "wont harm"
~Only you walk the pathway your grief takes you~
(C)
2007-01-22 14:10:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Poems do not always have to rhyme, go look at some of the great poets and keep practising. Get out more too!
2007-01-22 18:41:59 · answer #6 · answered by monstermoony 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how nice but sad hope you keep smiling there is allways sunshine after the rain tgc
2007-01-22 14:06:14 · answer #7 · answered by pinkwitch1975 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a bit strange in places but i share the feeling.
2007-01-22 14:04:34 · answer #8 · answered by agius1520 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its good, but you sound very sad. I hope things get better soon.
2007-01-22 14:03:32 · answer #9 · answered by Well, said Alberto 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is good. I wish I could write Poems like that!
2007-01-22 14:29:42 · answer #10 · answered by kc 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You think it`s rubbish,
you`re probably right,
I think it sounds like,
a load of s***e
2007-01-22 14:11:25 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋