ince i had my baby ( 7 weeks ago) things with my husband are just getting worst and worst by the minute, when i was pregnant he was the sweetest man ever, he answer to absolutely every question i had, he took me every where, and he wanted my opinion on everything, he made me feel like i was very necesary to him, now since i had the baby he thinks that i dont have necesities like taking aminute for myself, even halfan hour, without the streess of been a mommy, he actually tryes to do reverse psycologyon me all the time when i tellhim that he needs to at leas take halfan hour with the baby when he comes from work , due to the fact that is me that gets up at night, and take care of the baby all day long, sometimes i dont even have time to shower, i'm very youg too, i'm 19 he's 25 , but he has a litlle girl back at colombia where we are from, the mother of the girl is 27 and when they had her thay used to live with themother of the lady and her sister, so he never had to do anything
2007-01-22 05:29:58 · 8 answers · asked by yennyfer 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
for the baby so he says i comlain to much and that now i dont need to know where he is and at what time he gets home, he says he needs freedom, and that he is too tired after work to look for the baby, yesterday he told me that he needed some time to recover his freedom and that maybe the best thing for us to do is me move out and he still would pay for all the bills, i asked him to be honest and tell me if there was someone else in the picture, or if he didnt love anymore, and he says that thats not it he claims he wants freedom to go out with hes friend whenever he feels like it and for as long as he wants
2007-01-22 05:30:29 · update #1
already try talkingto him, i even arguedand nothing seems to work, also my baby takes formula, and he cant even feed him , thats how much he is avoiding the baby, i dont have any family in this country, and no friends cause i dont drive , im just learning to
2007-01-22 05:31:31 · update #2
BREATHE !!!!
Dont' try to MAKE him into the parent you think he should be, help him make better choices -and focus on you.
A baby is a HUGE adjustment! What he did/ did not do with his other baby, is not the point right now.
Now, you have neglected yourself (showers, grooming, and I am assuming the house), he sees that. I also am assuming that you took pride in yourself before the baby arrived. He is trying to get you back to being yourself. The methods he's using, are obviously not working.
Take the baby into the bathroom with you. Make it a MORNING ROUTINE. Use a baby bouncer/ swing, set the baby in it while you shower, that's what I used to do. Make a game of it with the baby, talking / singing, whatever. Do the same thing with getting dressed and hair & makeup. I KNOW that it sounds super stupid, when your life has changed so much, but it will help you both. You'll have more confidence and feel like you have done something for yourself, that will put you on more level ground. He will see that you are making an effort, and that will help your relationship too.
At seven weeks, your baby still takes a lot of naps, use that time to - pick up the house, vacuum (the noise will help the baby sleep through the night and not be a light sleeper---Shush! You'll wake the baby, never applied in my house!) do the dishes, plan / start dinner.
My MOM used to say - "it's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it". This applies to almost everything. LIKE - "You don't even feed the baby!" as opposed to " Honey, can you give me a hand and feed the baby while I start a load of laundry / start cooking dinner / pick up the living room ?" See----It' s all a matter of semantics. He will not help you with the baby, or the house or WANT TO BE AROUND, if he thinks that you are being lazy while he is busy working. Get at least one thing accomplished each day (besides showering / grooming), you both will be a lot happier, trust me on this!
TWO MORE THINGS - First, don't NAG him about going out. It is his escape / way of fighting back. - Make him feel GUILTY about it, AND IT WILL CHANGE. TRY THIS -
SMILE, and tell him what you'll be doing while he's gone. Like - folding clothes, picking up the house (you actually have to do what you are telling him you are doing).
Second, you do not appear to be suffering from p.p., (hormones are a factor though) you are STRESSED OUT, AND SCARED. Just breathe, and listen to my advise, in a week or two, you will see a difference, then you'll have a better idea on how to handle this situation. My email is listed, if you'd like to use it.
Good Luck! Kiss the baby, and get to work!
2007-01-22 06:53:27 · answer #1 · answered by ne_art1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry you are in this situation! Even if he is tired after work, he should look forward to seeing and spending time with his baby as soon as he gets home. You both need to have a life outside of family but FAMILY should come first. It sounds to me as though he doesn't want to be a family. You cannot change that. If he is asking you to leave already after only 7 weeks since the baby was born, I would go. I know it is hard. Maybe he has to sort things out. Is there any way you can go back to your home with baby for a little while (say a month or two)? Just to visit and get your head clear. A baby is a wonderful gift. If he is not ready to be a father, go now while it is easier on her. Who knows maybe while you are gone he will figure out that he loves you both. Then again maybe you will figure out he doesn't want either one of you. No matter which way you look at it you will be better off in the end. If you cannot go back to your home, is there a relative or friend in the area who can support you? Don't cheat yourself or settle for you and your baby. You both deserve better. Sorry I couldn't be of more help to you. Blessings to you and your baby.
2007-01-22 05:51:53 · answer #2 · answered by alishaanne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Ia m very soory to hear this. HAving a child is supposed to be a joyful time and a special thing for you and your man to share. Is having the baby something that was planned or did it just happen?Becuz it sounds to me like mayby he feels trapped and not ready for a baby again. If I were you I would tell him to get to steppin up or steppin out..All that is important is that the baby gets the care and attention that he/she needs. Your a new mommy,embrace and enjoy it with or without him. If he cant see the joy in it, Let him go..there is lots of mommys out there doin it on there own...As far as havin no friends..Thats the great thing about the internet..I am a mommy of 3 and if you evere needto talk, i will listen..Mammarowe3@yahoo.ca..Well hope everything works out.
2007-01-22 06:47:46 · answer #3 · answered by rowebaby 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it doesnt sound like he wants freedom. more like the security of having you while he does whatever it is he does. if you think its just not working, FOR YOU, then bounce. its easier said than done I know, specially with a newborn and all these feelings. just make a decision for you and your baby. and the way your putting it, if you take care of the baby day in and day out and at the end of the day you feel like you want some alone time or at least some hygien time for yourself, you dont have post partum dep, you have what I would call, NORMAL MOMMY SYNDROM. Just remember, if you ever get so fed up with the baby that you feel like you might harm him (sound horrible but it happens to everyone including me) call someone and tell them you just really need a little break from the baby and explain that your at that point. you said you have no friends, ill be your friend, but we're far away, ui suggest you look up support programs in your area. Thats what they are there for, to gladly give you a hand. good luck with everything!
2007-01-22 05:48:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't worry about it.. u are just alltangled up, I had my daughter when I was 19 and my hubby wasn't even living in canada at the time. You are all new to this so give it time. Try to spend the day with him, just the 2 of u ... Have u'r friends or family members babysit for the afternoon or night and enjoy u'r time together with u'r hubby.
He is probably just tired and scared too
2007-01-22 05:40:28 · answer #5 · answered by BFP On September 20 :) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont really know what to say except that I am praying for you and your child!! I pray that God blesses you in ways that all of this bad stuff will not even be a memory for you. Good Luck and sorry that I couldnt offer any other advise!!
2007-01-22 05:39:56 · answer #6 · answered by Kaci H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you just need to kick him to the curb (alot easier said than done, especially without support of family and friends.) I hope things work out in your favor. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
2007-01-22 06:03:13 · answer #7 · answered by rn4sicbabies 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're not a sexy chick anymore. You're the mother of his child. That's why he isn't paying attention to you. It's not your fault. He's one of those guys who fathers kids, but doesn't want anything to do with them once they're born.
Tell him to shape up, or kick him to the curb and collect child support. You don't need two babies in the house to take care of.
2007-01-22 05:38:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋