I was stupid and slept with this guy in my class, who i thought was a "friend" at the time (wed known each other for over a year and hung out a lot together). Afterwards we had a big fight, and he told some ppl in our class that wed had sex (nobody believed him). Since then ive been completely ignoring him, as in.... no contact with him, and avoiding him when i do see him as he makes me sick. But today in maths, in front of everyone, he comes over and tells me he has "a film" of "something"... and that he thinks i can guess what. We did it in his bedroom, and knowing him as i do now I wouldnt put it past him. I started crying, which was wrong as it gave him the reaction he wanted (he was laughing about it with a friend) I dont know what to do now: if i continue to ignore him i think it will get worse. I dont know what he wants... Im so scared. How can I make this stop?
2007-01-22 05:10:43 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
yes I know ive been really stupid, i beat myself up about it 24/7 and i WILL learn from this, so you dont need to tell me. Ages: im 17 hes 18
2007-01-22 05:11:42 · update #1
It seems to me as if this boy doesn't like being ignored so that's why he decided to make his "announcement" in front of the whole class to make himself feel like a big man again, which is perfectly normal i mean he was probably humiliated when nobody believed that you'd had sex so he needed something to get them back on his side!!!!!!!! Just keep ignoring him and if he still threatens to show people the so called tape then tell him he can do what he likes with the tape but what is he going to tell the police when they find out he was filming someone without their consent.
Hope this can help you in some way x
2007-01-22 05:29:02 · answer #1 · answered by judith w 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this is from my expierence, Ive had a similiar problem minus the tape. If I were in your position I would stop ignoring and do my best to be friendly. Oh and I doubt he has a film of you guys cause he would have come forth with it sooner (assuming there was a decent amount of time between you guys having sex and him coming forth with the so-called "film") So like I was saying, do your best to be friendly and try and speak to him alone when he's not with his friends. Remind him of the times when you were "friends" and try and make things work again. Again, I highly doubt he has a film and if he does, I suggest you tell an authority figures you know and trust that can assist you. I know you dont want anyone to know about what happened but if you keep quiet things can really spiral out of control. Good luck to you!
~flashylights*
2007-01-22 05:18:07 · answer #2 · answered by S. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I don't think you shoudl beat yourself up. We all make mistakes and you thought this guy was nice and your friend. Turns out hes a jerk and really should be put in his place. Chances of him having a tape are slim to none and I bet he did it to get a reaction out of you which he got. It seems as though he was making jokes about it with his friend and wanted to see how you would react. I would jsut keep your cool and contiune to not give him the time of day. If you do want to talk to him I would say something to the effect of "he listen act your age, what happened between us is over and done with, I am not looking back on it and neither should you. You aren;t good enough for me anyway and you were lucky I gave you the attention I did that night."
Hope this helps! Good luck, just keep in mind these things will pass believe me even though it seems like its never going to end.
2007-01-22 05:21:56 · answer #3 · answered by Sam s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is probably lying about the videotape, just to get back at you. He probably would have showed it off to somebody by now.
But just in case he's telling the truth... Was he 18 at the time you had sex? In that you could potentially claim that it was statutory rape (and at any rate, filming you with your permission is considering child pornography, so you can definitely always get him on that). Tell him he has to hand over the tape (and all digital copies) to you for destruction (don't trust him to do it) or you will have him arrested for statutory rape and child pornography. Deliver the threat with sincerity, and be prepared to follow up on it if you must. (You may need to seek the help of a counselor or parent.) He will probably panic and confess that he was lying, or hand over the tape.
Right now he holds the power because he can embarass you with what happened, but the real shame of it belongs entirely to HIM, not to you. Once you take control of the situation and show him that you will not be intimidated, that you can admit a lapse in judgment without shame, then his power ends, and he will leave you alone.
2007-01-22 05:24:26 · answer #4 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you are 17 and he is 18 tell him to turn over the tape or you will call the cops. you are a minor and it is against the law to possess pornography that involves a minor.
Outside that ignore his jests and when he does them in front of others hit him back. He mentions the tape again in front of others tell him to be sure and show his next girlfriend so she can see how small he is before having sex with him or something along those lines.
2007-01-22 05:17:53 · answer #5 · answered by Richard Bricker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all stop blaming yourself!
this guy is a dirt bag and he's victimizing you.
If I were you I would either tell him that you are going to the police because it's illegal for him to videotape you without your consent or I would simply go see the police department and tell them the whole story...guys like this can only victimize you if you keep it a secret...also don't worry what people in your class think, they don't really matter in the grand scheme. So stop crying and take the offensive, he will cry when he thinks the police are involved or if a police detective contacts him.
Do not be a victim!
2007-01-22 05:16:57 · answer #6 · answered by jim 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Generally, in most states sex with a minor reguardless of whether it's consentual or not is statutory rape. Being that you're 17 and he's 18 that constitues statutory rape. You could go about this two ways... Next time he brings something up tell him you'll go to the police and report him for harassment and rape or go ahead and go. This guy is obviously an asshole. I'm sorry to hear that someone is putting you through this kind of ****, it's rediculous that people think they should act this way.
2007-01-22 05:28:31 · answer #7 · answered by M'kay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man I dont know what to say about this one, But that is sure messed up! He is a guy who needs his *** kicked for sure! Do u have any good guy budies that will kick his *** for u! because he deserves it for sure! But depending on what u want to do about this, I would think that it is against the law to do something like that without ur permission! I would look into it if I was u. I know it would probably be imbarrassing for u to talk to someone about this but he needs punishment that's for sure! I would call ur local police deparment and see if u can do something about it because I think it is aganist the law to do something like that! He filmed u without ur permission! I was just looking up some things on the com about filming someone during sex without permission and it said it is against the law so if I was u I would get his *** in trouble! Let him know who the boss is! He thinks he's real cool right now by braging to u and everyone else well lets see how cool he is when he's sitting in jail thinking about what he did to u!
2007-01-22 06:00:30 · answer #8 · answered by suz1773 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hopefully he's just pulling your leg (although it's not funny) and not have made a tape. IF you find out actual proof''..someone that you trust says they saw it......Then I would call the cops* Have him charged for video taping you without your consent then to allow others to view it*
Ask him straight forwardly......That you want to see this tape and you'll go to his place to view it*~ If he doesn't let you .....then Laugh him off he's full of sh*t! If his friends start jabbing you about it, from what he's told them about it.....again LAUGH at them and say HAHAH is that what he told you * and walk away. Let it go* He's so childish* tell him to his face to Grow Up and Get a Life or He'll Always Be the Loser he is Now*!~
GoodLuck*
2007-01-22 05:18:23 · answer #9 · answered by friskymisty01 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if i am right, he is in BIG trouble
u r a minor, he isn't.
he could go to jail.
he needs to get rid of the tape or whatever at once.
whatever happens it is NO BIG DEAL
really. i could be ur dad in this and ok it was a bit stupid but that's life.
if he confronts u again u say
look buster, i have moved on from MY mistake, i suggest u do the same.
don't let him get u down, u r worth more than that.
2007-01-22 05:18:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋