Is it bad taste to ask people to put in money for my 21st?

Question

I have around 80 people just in my family. So no matter what it'll be expensive. Add in that I kinda have expensive taste when it comes to my birthday parties, and you get where I'm going. Here's the list, just from what I've got so far, of what things will cost if I get all my first choices:

1. DJ - $395
2. Catering and Drinks: $30 per head for drinks, $13 per head for food = $43 per head x approx 100 people = $4,300 (!!!!!!)
3. Costume (It's a costume party): approx $30

So, all up, that's.... $4,725, just for three things. That's not including the decorations I know I'll insist on, the designer cake, invitations, booking the Hall, one of those giant keys people have at thier 21st birthdays...

So, to reiterate the heading, would it be bad taste to ask people to at least pay for thier food and drinks? Or even just drinks? I can't expect my parents to pay for it all, and I can't cover the cost, not even half of it. I guess we could do without the expensive drinks service, but I know it'd be a disaster to ask people to bring their own. I'd rather have professionals serving it.

Sorry, I've just realised I worded some parts wrong. I don't mean I want everyone to pay for everything, my parents and i would be able to pay at least $3,000 or so (I think), I would never dare to ask people to pay so much to "get in" to my party. I know I'd hate to have to pay for someone else.

It was just a thought that went through my head when I sat down and looked at the costs. It's the damn drinks that've broken me, really.

Answer 1

there are quite a few people here that are berating you, but i would go the opposite way.

in the invite, just let people know that you would prefer a "donation" to help with the costs instead of a present. that sort of thing is fairly common with weddings and stuff now, so no-one will be too shocked. Just dont put a price tag on it, or then people might get cranky cause that would be in bad taste.

or, ask people to bring their own alcohol, that will significantly cut down the cost.

Answer 2

I think that its definatly bad taste. thats like expecting people to pay for your wedding. Dont have the party unless you can afford it. Instead of catering ask everyone to make a dish. That would save you and insane amount of money AND you will never run out of food. (my friends who didnt have alot of money did this for thier wedding) And you're "costume" PLEASE don't add that into the expense. You done Need to spend any money on costumes. Then if you still cant afford it, get a friend or a local bartender that you are friendly with and ask them if they would bartend your party. Tell them they can have all the food they want and you'll pay them $200 instead of $4300.00 for the caterer. Then just buy about 3 bottles of rum, vodka, gin, whiskey, scotch, tequila (ya know, the basics) you can actually return what you dont open!! Then get two kegs. One dark and one light beer. Some plastic cups, and you're all set. You have a bartender, a huge buffet for food, still have a DJ. People really dont care how it's put together as long as there is food and drinks and good music. Get rid of your expensive taste if you cant afford it. Its silly. REALLY silly. And you'll learn that later in life.

If you still insist on asking for money for your party, when you send out the invitations tell them that there is a fee at the door. Say - $25 per plate with an open bar all night.

But then you might get a lot of people who dont want to come because of that.

Good luck . and i would siggest cutting back.
Youre not one of those girls on My Super Sweet 21st

Answer 3

Having a cash bar is not in poor taste, as long as the drinks are reasonably priced. If you want, include two drink tickets in everyone's invitation and cover the cost of those drinks, or have open wine and beer, but, ask that it be a cash bar for liquor/mixed drinks. Just be sure word gets spread around that it is a cash bar, that way no one is leaving to hit the ATM. Having them pay for their own food is in bad taste.

As to invitations, you don't have to go overly fancified to get a beautiful invitation. Sir Speedy has book after book of beautiful designer invites, for about 1/2 the cost of Papyrus, The Papery, etc. Just a thought...

If you like the drink ticket idea, www.myjeanm.com has cute vellum paper that they can print, it's a wedding site, but, all the party stuff can be used for just about any kind of event. And they have great invitations too. Happy Birthday!

Answer 4

It would be a definite rude call! If you have expensive tastes and still want the party, keep the guest list down to what you can afford.

You should always pay for the food, unless you are meeting friends at a restaurant or something like that. And it should be with the understanding that although you are celebrating your birthday, everyone is going dutch. Don't leave someone high and dry and wondering.

But at a party, an alternative to the drink expense would be to serve non-alcohol drinks and have a bar that they would pay for their own optional alcoholic drinks. My niece did that at her wedding.

Answer 5

Yes, it is tacky. When you invite people to a party, you are asking hem to come celebrate with you, not pay for the party itself. Wedding guests are not expected to pay an admission fee; neither should birthday guests.

If you had a backyard BBQ and asked people to bring food and drink (even alcohol) as a "pot luck," that would be acceptable. And the food might be better! Then all you have to pay for is the DJ.

One other thing to think about - I know that for some people, a 21st birthday is a beyond huge deal. Just make sure that you save some special partying for another time in your life.

Answer 6

Your goals are achievable, you're not shopping around. Some of the fee's can be eliminated. Ask around to see who in your social circle can provide music, and give them free food, and drinks, and 50 bucks. Food, visit your local grocery store, and have them do the catering, price=,,maybe 120.00 to 150.00. Drinks? purchase at the same grocery store doing the catering. Alcohol, visit the same grocery store for beer, wine., price140.00 Liquor store,,,100.00. Also, tell everyone to make their own costumes,,, and consider charging people at the door who's not in costume. This will cut your cost, also, record the entire party with camcorder. Maybe,100.00 if you have someone with a digital camcorder.

Answer 7

Yes, it's incredibly bad taste, in my opinion. Once you ask them to pay, they're no longer 'guests', they are now 'customers.'

Just because you feel justified in having expensive taste doesn't mean you should burden others around you with it. Your tastes outstrip what your parents can afford - there's no crime in that, but if you can't pay for it either, I wouldn't transfer the burden to the attendees - at least, not at a birthday party.

I suggest you consider scaling back your party accomodations to fit what you can afford, or if your heart is set on this level of plans, take out a loan to pay for it all.

Just don't ask the attendees to pay - like I said above, I wouldn't consider myself a 'guest' anymore, I'd think I was a patron or customer, with all the expectations that come with that...I want to be entertained, I expect the food to be absolutely excellent, I want the night to cater to MY tastes since I'm paying to be here, etc.

You don't want that - you want people to enjoy being there to celebrate YOUR birthday. Hope you consider this.

Best to you, and happy birthday.

Answer 8

Yes, it's definitely rude to invite people to a party and expect them to pay anything! Since you're officially becoming an "adult", you should know that YOU should be responsible for your own expensive and/or extravagant tastes, NOT your family or your friends. Insisting on all this stuff makes it sound like you care more for the things than you do for the people.

Answer 9

Seems rude to me. You are forcing them to share your expensive tastes while you avoid having to pay for it.

Think of a wedding/reception - who pays? The guests or (typically) the couple's parents?

On my 21st, we went out to dinner then went bar hopping all night long. I paid for my own meal, but once we hit the bar, my friends literally and quite physically confiscated my wallet leaving me with only my ID. They paid for every drink I had that night. Some of it was stuff I hated, but that's part of the deal.

Answer 10

Why not just get over it and go out to a bar like every other person does for their 21st,get hammered,and have the people who want to come w/ you come?!