What should I do if my girlfriend is bisexual?

Question

I introduced my girlfriend to myspace recently for her to have great success gaining a substantial friends list. I was paranoid about what she was doing when on the pc late at night and i installed a keyboard monitor. I now find that she has been talkin to another woman who lives down the road who she finds extremely attractive and she is now admitting to her that she is bisexual.

They have agreed to message each other and to send each other naked pics to get themselves horny and worked up. My girlfriend has said that she enjoys talking to her than any other bloke she has met. The other woman sent pics of herself through to my girlfriend and she said that she fancies her. My girlfriend is eager to keep in touch and is taking the lead of the other woman.

I have recorded everything they have written to each other and it seems pretty intense. I was thinking of keeping an eye on the situation, but what if its a matter of time before something happens?

Answer 1

Wow there are a lot of questions, possibilities, and potential outcomes here. You also have a lot of choices to make, but if you love this girl (and it sounds like you do) you might want to sit back and see how this plays out.

It definitely sounds like your girl is bisexual (for sure), which she clearly can now admit to herself and this other girl. The question is whether she's known this but kept it from you (and why...fear? nerves? shame?) or is just discovering this about herself...or at least just now admitting it because of the sense of protection and anonymity being on the web has provided her. A lot of us say and do things on the web we might never have done in real life or facing a real person.

The key problem here is not her bisexuality, but the fact that right now you have a secret between you. She is hiding these Internet exchanges from you and you are secretly recording and monitoring them and neither of you are talking to each other. If you love her (and you don't sound angry...just nervous and confused) then you should probably let her know you accidentally came across this, and that you love her and support her as she's figuring this out...and as long as she honors your relationship (however the two of you define the "rules") you accept her as who she is...straight or bisexual.

Here's where it gets tricky. If she is finally allowing herself to explore this side of her, she will probably want to do something about it, if only out of curiosity. While I've never had a threesome or an open relationship, these are options if the two of you love each other and this new thing is really standing in the way.

A threesome allows you to be part of the sexual relationship she explores with this girl, but also can be very complicated and should be considered very carefully. What it does do is largely keep her developing relationship with this woman as a sexual, not emotional one, and your acceptance might deepen your emotional relationship with her. If your relationship is to survive, she has to be emotionally focused and faithful to you.

An open relationship is different because she will be developing a relationship with this woman on her own time, without you, and risks a greater chance of falling for her...and thus hurting your relationship.

Then again, maybe she likes the boundaries she can push on the web with chat, pictures, etc. but doesn't want to actually "be" with anyone but you, and that could be a big relief to you and your relationship.

There's also the possibility that she's discovering (or allowing herself to finally admit) that she's actually 100% gay, and the admission and acceptance of bisexuality is a step on that path. If so, and this is something neither of you will know if you aren't honest with each other, and she might not know for sure for some time, then the best thing you can do is love her enough to let her know you don't hate her, don't think she's disgusting for being gay, and let her go when you and/or she is ready to call it quits.

Don't panic, but don't keep this BIG secret between the two fo you. Talk about it but without judgement. Let her know you love her and don't want her to think she has to hide part of her life from you...and that you'll figure out what's next together.

Answer 2

First of all, let me pose this question to you... Why were you so worried about what she was doing on the computer late at night? Obviously there are some pre-existing trust issues here that loom larger than your hang-ups about her bisexuality. As for the bisexual thing... if you love her then accept her for who she is no matter what. If you can't accept her, then you'll end up losing her for good.

Answer 3

Well Inspector Gadget it seems as though you have your work cut out for you,with all the conversations you have recorded and personal boundaries you have violated its time to take a look at your own behavior and possibly find your own pen pal.What is the harm in innocent flirtation between two women who find each other attractive?You really need to relax and let her explore her new friendship because if you do not she is going to dump you.and for good reason(your cramping her style,and her need for exploring her sexuality)Aren't you grateful she is chatting with women instead of men?? Relax and mind your own business,she is not your property,you do not own her.

Answer 4

First of all, if you're using a keylogger to monitor what she is talking about, you have trust issues. Why would you not talk to her about it. Most men like the girl on girl action anyways. You don't have much of a relationship if you're monitoring the things she does.

Answer 5

WOW-first of all, where did you get a keyboard monitor? I need that for my husband. And secondly, she'll eventually go to her. Especially if she lives down the street. I would break up with her.

Answer 6

...first off, ... never trust anyone till you can verify and their intentions... many times women on the internet are men!!! Pic can be copied or created......
....If this is not the case and she is a bi-woman,...jump in man, we say it's a lot of fun for another to join , even if you just watch, if she loves ya she should have no prob with this, and ..... ENJOY! We've been a 'playfull' couple for years and the wifey here is bi......
.....very very very bi!!!......lol (may we have her myspace addy?)

Answer 7

Don't be faitful because you will get screwed.One question if she asks you say no if she's a keeper though.If i messed around with another girl would you get mad.And your going to say hell na.I got screwed like this cuz i had a lady and saw her with a hickey and i was like what the f.k and she was like no it was from my ex girlfriend.So be careful.But hey take advantage of a threesome.You only live once

Answer 8

Ask her if she still wants the relationship with you!! If yes then ask if she can give up the other woman. f NO then let her go. If she wants your relationship and the other woman I say join right in and have a lot of men's fantasy.

Answer 9

if you are really worried about it try sitting her down and asking her about it, talk to her about how you feel and how its affecting you and people around her. if this doesn't work then maybee there really is something going on, and if youre not happy with it it might be time to ditch her!

Answer 10

you stated that she has admitted to the female friend that she IS bisexual.....So what areYOUR feelings about her being bisexual. If she is then you can not STOP what comes natural for her. How would she feel about you spying on her?