Relationships?

Question

I've suffered through a painful childhood being verbally and mentally abused and I started to rebel against a lot of people and I hardly had any friends because of this.
This continued throughout when I was a teenager.I had to leave highschool as I was being tormented and noone did not want to do anything about it.I was able to finish my education by being homeschooled.
Now since I am a adult who is married,I have hard time keeping relationships -Friends,aquaintances and coworkers. There are points in time I lash out..I can not understand why I have a hard time with people for? I believe it was because of the abuse I went through as a child.I do want to develop a good relationship with those who is close to me but it is difficult.Seeing a theripist is the last resort as I been through a lot of theripist when I was younger and noone didn't give me a answer.Is there anyone who went through this?

Each job I had I had to leave as there was always someone who did not like me or tried to get me fired.I was able to keep a job for 3 years with encouragement.

Answer 1

Well you've gotten the toughest part taken care of: you know the root of your problem: verbal abuse from your parents.

You also undestand what your symptoms are: lashing out and having difficultly keeping relationships.

Lashing out at people is bad. I will assume that you step all over your husband and he is a caring loving guy who just takes it from you because he's not the kind of a guy who hits girls or talks rudely to women because his parents did not abuse him verbally and taught him that snapping at people is bad.

I'm most likely wrong, but I will assume that.

Because you realize the root of your problem, you are responsible for your actions. Based on that, you should know inside that you are wrong for lashing out at people or losing relationships. Not your parents who abused you.

By denying accoutability, you are giving yourself this get out of jail free card everytime you snap at someone.

To free yourself of this, you have to catch yourself in the act and apologize immediately to the person you snapped at. The more you do this, the more you will remember how good it feels to apologize to friends and the less you will remember the pains of when you were abused mentally.

It's not an easy process. The abuse you received as a child is like any learned conditioning. You just have to recondition yourself which is half the battle; the other half, which is where the counselor's come in has to do with the vulnerable depths of your mind that you cling on to when you should be letting them go.

Answer 2

The answer is within you- you need to decide the past is over, you're not defined by your childhood, and start creating the balanced adult you. How you behave as an adult is your choice.
Read "Bad Childhood, Good Life"
First Sentence:
Unfortunately, a lot of people are made to suffer as children: beatings, rapes, torture, abandonment, neglect, parental divorce and subsequent remarriage with new or stepchildren to compete with, alcoholic or drug-addicted parent(s), erratic and even dangerous consequences of parental mental illness, browbeatings, parental insensitivity, psychological and emotional assaults, parental affairs, constant family turmoil, molestations, familial violence, single parent by choice or irresponsibility, and so forth. The book will help adults stuck in the past break free from destructive patterns and move peaceably forward.

Answer 3

maybe seeing a therapist might help. You might not have seen one before now that was actually any good to you. Its all very well them sitting back like they have all the answers, but i think if u go away from it feeling frustrated or worse, then they have failed!

If i was you id give it another go with a therapist. Because sometimes you cant talk to other people about it, unless your lucky and youve got a really truely good friend to talk to, but thats rare. Then theres also a risk of talking to someone, opening up to them, and they might not be totally trust worthy. So id go for a therapist.

What you need to do is get down to the nucleas of what it is. It can be something thats started years ago, and then grown from that. So you need to get in and root it out. Or at least identify where your problems are.

Im not saying your alone though, i think alot of people can have lots of issues. But when you feel isolated it can feel like your alone sometimes. But believe me hun your not alone!

But youve got to do what you feel is best, i think a therapist could be a good idea. Because you have to move on or try to move on from those awful feelings youve had to endure in your past. You need to realise that you can be happy, and you deserve to be happy.

If you learn to love yourself, then thats a good start!

its a gradual process, but if your onto it, youve already made a good start

Answer 4

By no means am I a professional, but I could relate personally to many parts of your letter. It sounds to me like you may have "borderline personality disorder" which usually comes when people have been abused as a child. The most common traits of this "condition" are the inablility to have normal healthy relationships, even at work. I am sorry, I know it's not a nice thing for you to hear. When my dr. told me last year that i had it, it felt like he told me i had another form of cancer (i already suffer from depression and anxiety). Unfortunately, most professionals will say you need to be in therapy to talk about your anger and your past. I bought several workbooks and books about this condition, yet I am too scared to start reading them! I wish you luck!

Answer 5

Until you stop blaming others for why you behave as you do, you will not change. As an adult YOU are the ONLY ONE RESPONSIBLE for your behavior, and ONLY YOU can change it. No therapist is there to give you any answers, their purpose is to help you find your own answers. It's hard work, but you are the only one with your answers. As you realize there is a problem, you've made a good first step....now you have to stop blaming others (your upbringing, the way other people respond to you etc) and take responsibility for who you are. Then, and only then, can you change who you are now into someone you want to be.

Answer 6

Seems to me you know the problem kinda... The problem is not your past its your unwillingness to face you fears of being hurt with any type of relationship with others and yes this stems from a low self esteem. Do what I did and stop being the victim from your past and quit using it as an excuse... You and you alone are responsible to be your own friend first and then others..Or you will regret this for a long time internally. I wasted so much time claiming to be a loner only to find out the problem was truly me ...

Answer 7

there's no way of understanding which gender is truly greater aggressive than the different whilst it is composed of relationships (lesbian, gay, transsexual, right this moment, or bisexual) and its impossible to be a hundred% helpful whilst it is composed of the study that record archives from others, because of the fact actually everyone isn't consistently truthful whilst comes all the way down to it. that's an somewhat gentle undertaking and human beings are no longer consistently desirous to talk concerns of important different abuse or to record it to government. on a similar time because it the study could be very precise, it has additionally been shown that woman tend to be greater open approximately greater gentle matters than maximum adult males, because of the fact maximum adult males do no longer desire to confess they have been overwhelmed up by skill of their important different (male or woman) and taking this into attention, its virtually impossible to verify actually everyone seems to be telling the fact (till of course we upload protection cameras all around them or have somebody carry on with them 24/7, yet that does no longer artwork for glaring motives) So on a similar time as this study could be precise its extraordinarily much impossible to tell whether its genuine or no longer, and if its genuine and gay women tend to be greater violent than gay adult males, than there is a few explanation why this could be (verbal disagreements that turn actual, temper swings, pms and so on)

Answer 8

i have never been through it , but dont push the people that r close to u away, and if u know they care about u , u need to tell them what u went through, and explain to them why u lash out and maybe they can help u , but if u push them away , u can regreat it and u might never get them back.

Answer 9

go to the doctor and ask to get effexor it,s for people with depression.the doctor will tell you how much you need i take 100mg there is less.

Answer 10

You must learn and practice "Meditation" daily non stopping any day.