how would you handle your bf's dad?

Question

i have a boyfriend and we've been dating for almost 4 years now. the first time i went to their house, i wasn't given the respect that i was expecting from his family. his dad doesn't like me bcoz they have a family friend with a daughter same age as my bf. his dad likes that girl for my bf. well too bad, im still with his son and we're planning to get married this october.

here's the reason why his dad doesn't like me - he said im skinny, he thinks that im sick or an addict - but im not!! it actually runs in our family, we're healthy but its not just obvious bcoz we're not fat. everytime i go to their house, he ignores me, like i dont exist. his mom and grandparents are great! its just his dad.

how would you deal with this kind of situation? how are we going to tell his dad about our wedding plans? im worried that he might not give us the blessings.

i know its not a big issue, but the dad is making it a big deal. i am trying my very best to gain weight (not for them, its for my own purpose - i wanna look beautiful on our wedding day).

Answer 1

Please, honey, regardless of whatever you do, you are never going to be able to please him. So stop trying and be yourself (been through that, and nothing I could do ever changed anything). All you can do is treat him with the respect he deserves as an adult and as your boyfriend's father. Speak when you are spoken to and let it go at that. Treat him like everything is okay. Say hello, good bye, have a good night, happy birthday, Happy Thanksgiving, whatever. He's your boyfriend's dad and it's up to him to deal with that relationship. If he doesn't give you his blessing to get married, have your BF talk to his mom and ask her what to do. Who knows what his problem really is, but I really doubt that it is you. Good grief, you are so lucky to be on the skinny side. God bless. Be yourself and don't let him make you worry and be bitter. Turn it over to the Lord and let it go.

Answer 2

you are going to look beautiful no matter what. And remember wether the dad gives you his blessings or not what matters is that your boyfriend loves you and wants to be with you with or without his dads permission. You go ahead and plan your wedding you have your families support and your boyfriends and that's all that matters. Good Luck. Don't worry about the way you look if your boyfriend had a problem with your appearance he would of had left you along time ago. He loves you for you and only you. Don't change.

Answer 3

Your boyfriend's dad needs a reality check! His son is love with you and is happy and he should be happy that his son feels this way about you. He should also be happy that his son was able to find a true love in today's crazy world. I don't know what the deal is with the other girl but the dad needs to forget about her. Try sitting the dad down, just the two of you, and explain the complications presented above. I know that sounds scary but it may just be the only way to get through to the crazy old man! If he still wants to be a pain and not listen, get your fiance to talk to him. If there's anyone in the world this guy will listen to it'll be him. If he doesn't even want to listen to him, just ignore the way he acts toward you. Be entirely yourself around him and ignore any smart remarks from his side of the room. He wants a reaction from you and getting upset is giving him what he wants.

Answer 4

DON'T gain weight for them. Politely tell them that being fat is only the norm in America, and that you like your body just the way it is, thank you. Take it from a McDonald's addicted size 0; accept your body now, or you'll just wish you had later. Look at it this way: Small size wedding dresses are often cheaper!

Your fiance needs to speak to his family without you present. If they continue this behavior, don't take it. Address it when it happens, and if your fiance won't stand up for you, he's not Mr. Right.

Answer 5

Talk to your soon to be father in law and tell him that you know that he doesn't approve of you for whatever reason but you truly love his son and want to spend your life with him. His son was the one who chose you to be his wife and no one else. Tell him that you want to have an close relationship with him and you know it may take time but you will wait until he is willing. State that you would like his blessing but do not require it.
If that gets you nowhere talk to your bf about it and possibly his mother if your at all close. Good luck and don't worry one day he'll come around and see that you are the right one for his son.

Answer 6

Had same prob. many yrs ago, his Dad just refused to accept me, because he already had sons wife picked out, but Thank God, Dad was right, the son was NOT my soul mate, married now for 30 yrs to my REAL God chosen mate !! back to you tho... this is for the b/f to take care of, this is his dad NOT yours... you do need to respect the dad but there is a line he should not cross... you and b/f need to sit down and discuss this first, and agree on a few things... you need to tell b/f just how you feel and what it is doing to you and ya'll as a couple.... your saying this is not a big deal, but I am reading that it is, I am 48 and have learned to read between the lines !!!! B/F needs to then sit down with dad and explain a few home truths about all of it... YOU are his chosen bride to be and Dad should at least respect his ADULT sons choice... I believe in FAMILY and I have seen my (3) sons make bad choices but I had to stand aside and let them make those mistakes because they are adults and have to learn to grow.... NOT calling you a mistake !!!! just saying that as adults you have to follow your own hearts and learn as you go..... Dad does NOT have to give his blessing, but he does need to be told that RESPECT of the union is the ONLY acceptable thing !!!! God bless

Answer 7

Wow. I don't know how I'd deal with this. I have a hard time dealing with my husband's father. He's a hard person to live with. I feel like he doesn't like me. As long as you and your boyfriend love each other then don't let his dad stand in the way. He'll have to get over it and accept you just like my father in law has with me. Just ingore him and try your best to get along with him. At least some of his family memebers like you and that's a plus.

Answer 8

Maybe write his dad a nice long letter explaining your feelings. Tell him you really love his son and are going to do everything you can to be a perfect wife. Tell him that you would like to get to know his family better, and would like his family to get to know yours. Explain everything and just be very honest and respectful. Parents usually like it when you just confront them but in a very subtly way. Dont say anything about his discontent for you- just say that since your relationship with his son has gotten more serious, you feel you would like to get to know his family better.

Good luck

Answer 9

first, be happy with your self, if your boyfriend likes the way you look, kudos there also, as far as the dad, talk to your boyfriend about it. make sure he will stand by you after you get married, he puts you before his family. the dad will either learn to love you , or he will be the one to suffer in the future, but dont plan your life around him. pray that God can soften his heart towards you. i hope you the very best.

Answer 10

Respect his father, but you can't waste your time and effort to please day, If your boyfriend loves you, their is no need to gain weight for anyone else, as long as you are healthy, that is what is important. Tell your boyfriend to sit his dad down, and tell him, his wedding plans, and then say to his dad, I hope we have your blessings! And all he has to say to day, she makes me happy!