My boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend issues..?

Question

my bf and i been together for last two months. he told me about his ex of about two yrs? that it's completely over and resolved. but he's been acting suspicous so i checked his phone and i found text messages that says that they are more than friends. i confronted him but he says he's been going through some complications and needed to speak to her about it because they were really close friends. and that he is not cheating on me. after the confrontation he told me he will call his ex and tell her that their relationship is hurting me and they should stop talking. i know i can't trust him like i use to and he said he will try to earn my trust again. should i believe this guy? i really like him and i think he likes me too. and the bad part is that i understand that feeling of attachment can be hard to break. should i give him a chance? guys help me!!

Answer 1

If you feel he has something amazing to offer you (like a great relationship) give him a chance, and some time. If you feel like he is just a good way to pass the time til something right somes along, then no chance because IF he isnt over her, you will look stupid being with someone who is in love with(and still communicating with) someone else.
ALTHOUGH, if you feel yall have a possibly bright future then give him a chance. his breakup with this chick just happened two months ago and he is obviously so closely attached with her that he would want to turn to her in a time of need, CONSIDERING you knew this ahead of time, you knew what you were getting into. Attachments are hard to break, especially if they had a very honest and loving relationship. He feels comfortable with her whereas he has only known you for two months.
My best friend is a guy so trust me, I know how they feel about certain things and bond like that are hard for a man to make, and break. If I were you, I would give him a chance. Dont look to deeply into this, AND DONT LOOK IN HIS CELL PHONE ANYMORE> Dont lose trust in him until he does something for you too.
And before you ask, he probably didnt tell you about the texts because he DOES care about you and he didnt want to upset you, remember that phrase "somethings are better left unsaid".

Answer 2

You SAY it is a song he actually wrote to his ex girlfreind? How talented he is. Maybe he likes the song. Is it any good. Perhaps you should compliment him on the song and his talents if the song is any good at all. maybe he will write one for you. I think that is super. i can understand your concern about it, but the song isn't the girl. If he were keeping love letters that is another thing. You are getting too uptight about something that showcases his talent. Did you know that many big song writers have songs they wrote to old girlfriends or just friends? they get played all over the place and when they do, they get a commission. I don't think their girls get that upset about that song being out there when the old girl doesn't mean much to them anymore. She may have been his muse at the time, but that is over. So long as he is not going around her, you need to get off his back about the song. Have you ever heard it in music? If it is good, encourage him to send it to someplace where it might be published. People need good songs. Old songs like peggy Sue probably didn't have Peggy Sue and the singer or the writer being married but it was for a time. That time is over but the song may be worth more than the relationship. And it is part of him, not of her. Accept his talent and encourage him to write more. Doesn't have to be about you even, but could be his sister or his Mom or just his feelings. That song shouldn't be something that splits you up, but something that you can appreciate as one of his talents and encourage him to increase his talents. Don't be feeling inadequate about that song. You are feeling insecure and shouldn't. After all, you have the guy -- appreciate that or you will end up chasing him away and you may not even have a song. Wake up.

Answer 3

You definately should give him a second chance. He really cares for you, since he is willing to forgive you FOR SNOOPING through his cell phone. He is even willing to tell his ex that their communications is hurting you and it should stop. If he wanted it over with you this would have been a perfect excuse to end it, yet he is willing to work it out and EARN your trust.

See it this way. If they split up ammicably, they are probably good friends, and as such, he went to a friend for advise. You probably ask friends for advise as well, and it doesn't mean anything. Not all break ups have to be nasty.

Now, about you going through his personal stuff. Never forget that when you go looking for something, if you look really hard, you will find it. And it might not be what you think, but since that is what you look for that is what it will appear to be.

If he was acting strange, you should have asked. NICELY. Make an offer of unconditional support, be quiet, be there, whatever.. but respect his privacy. There are things I keep to myself, it doesn't mean I don't love my GF. It is just my stuff.

If you are so insecure in this relationship that you need to do what you did, may be you need to ask yourself if he is right man for you. I know I'd be asking myself if you are the righ woman for me and you would have to EARN my trust.

Answer 4

You and he have only dating for two months and there is already trust issues? Then its over. I am sorry to say that, but if you aren't trusting him enough that you have to check his phone, then there is no need to continue the relationship, because its only going to get worse from there. You will always have in the back of your mind that he is cheating, or talking to people behind your back. You say you know you can't trust him like you used to, trust is a very important thing in a relationship and if the trust is lost, then the relationship is over.

Answer 5

you're doing the WRONG THING NOT HIM...you should trust him just the same not less....He is not hiding anything from you. Then on top of that you should not have GONE INTO HIS PHONE to start with....you are the one that should be trusted if anyone in this relationship. He's doing the right thing. Talking to the (ex) about the hurt that she is causing you is more than most men would do PERIOD.....be happy for having such an understanding man

Answer 6

Don't sit around and wait for them to reconcile....because it sounds like they are doing exactly that.

You said, and I quote, "....after the confrontation he told me he will call his ex and tell her that their relationship is hurting me and they should stop talking".

Hmmm.....sounds to me that YOU are on the outside of THEIR relationship. "How its hurting you....." Of course! And what....is this ex his relationship counselor???

Its time for you to bail. Save face and have some respect by it being your decision to end this. If it was all just a fluke, he'll respect you and come back. But stop giving him so much lead-way.

Good Luck!!

Answer 7

hes not going to stop talking to her just for you, so dont try that angle. they shared something, and they will always be close in a way. but, you need to make your own memories with him, and it will bring you two closer together, rather than further apart.

drop the subject of the x, it will only break the two of you up.

Answer 8

If you are going through his phone and checking his text messages, that means you trust him and i think its better that break it off. It wont work, i know ive been there before

Answer 9

no no no ditch him!!!!
if he loves you he would not talk to his ex, hes a player dont waste any more of your time move on too many good trustworthy guys to waste time on people who cant move on. he still has feelings for his ex or he wouldnt be texting and talking to her. get rid of him before you get your heart broken, i have been there and its better to get rid of him now the longer you wait the more it will hurt!

Answer 10

That is a decision only YOU can make. He kept his conversing with her from you & went to HER for advice instead of coming to you. That tells me that he cares more about her opinion & advice than he does yours. I feel he hasn't let her go completly....But it has to be your choice.