Dad and wedding issues.?

Question

Ok I need help. I have been engaged since July of 06 and I have been planning simple things along the way, in November I asked my father ho much he planned on helping out so I could get a better idea of how much to save. He told me he knew that his responsibility as a father was pretty much everything and he would help alot. So we got through the holidays, lot more planning well now it's January and I told him that I need him to help me start paying for the reception/ceremony hall. He told me he really can't pay for alot and he thought I had all of this figured out but he would help a little. What? I am really hurt about this, he completly backed out and left me hanging. I am so stressed now. How do I move on from this and not have hard feelings for my father? Or any good money saving tips? I have already pretty much eliminated the caterer and florist and found a really cheap photographer, any other suggestions? Thanks!

Answer 1

Certainly Megan you can save the expense of DJ by downloading your own songs and playing them off a laptop through speakers. You can also print your own invitations and response cards. Have a cash bar rather then an open bar. Buy some artificial flowers at a dollar store or and outlet and make up your own bouquets. Speak with the person where your reception is and see if there is anything that they can do to reduce your debt load to them. It is rather sad that your dad has changed his reaction regarding helping you out but you must have been aware of his financial situation prior to becoming engaged. I'm pretty certain that inside your father wishes that he could provide for you a princess wedding and feels regretful that he cannot. So please do not be too hard on him and/or angry either for that matter. You and your fiance are going to have to do a lot of savings prior to this day and cut back on some fun activities. Also if either or both of you receive any type of tax refund you'd be wise to use this towards your wedding. Best of luck in getting ready for this special day. Please do not allow yourself to get too stressed as things always work out in the long run. May you and your fiance have a wonderful day and a happy and healthy marriage. Congratulations also.

Answer 2

It stinks that your father offered to help and has since bailed out on you, and I am sorry it didn't work out.

But remember this ... parents are no longer expected or obligated to pay for their child's wedding. So if you are old enough to get married, then you are old enough to handle the financial responsibilities of a wedding. Whether that means a full-out dinner-dance in a fancy ballroom, or simply cake and punch in your backyard. So while you're within your rights to be upset that he broke his promise, don't feel like he "owed" you anything.

Decide what you absolutely need, and what you can cut. You could always just go to the justice of the peace and get married, and all it'd cost you would be the license fee.

If you're having a wedding with guests, you'll need food, drinks, seating and some form of entertainment. Again, this can just be as simple as a grocery store cake, some punch or champagne, basic folding chairs and some homemade mix CDs in a boom box. You could get some loose flowers from a grocery store and make your own bouquets, and buy a pretty dress from a department store.

Join the message boards on theknot.com, and ask for some budget-friendly ideas. Many girls there have had gorgeous weddings for only a few thousand dollars, and some for $1,000 or less.

Answer 3

I think that a lot of wedding responsibility falls on the laps of the bride and groom to be these days. It sounds like your father is backing out on what he originally told you. That isn't right. You should talk to him about it and let him know that you feel he misled you. Keep your guest list as small as possible. Put $25 from your check and your fiance's check each week in a weddding fund, more if you can afford it...it's surprising how much that will cover. Have a friend operate a cd player so you can eliminate the dj. Choose a ceremony site that is already pretty...a garden, park, beautiful church, etc so you can save on decorations or have the wedding in someone's home.

Good Luck. If it helps your feelings any at all, my fiance and I are completely paying for our wedding and I believe we will come out of it with around $2200 spent.

Answer 4

i understand you completely. The only difference is my father or anybody else for that matter hasn't offered a dime so we are on our own.
Here are some of my ideas.
I am getting married in September. Seeing as June is Prom season i will look for a nice white dress. No need for the big gown that will not serve any purpose after.Maybe if I cant find anything i like i will rent a gown for the day. Home made center pieces and local restaurant hall that i will decorate myself. I will make the cold buffet. I always make these kind of buffets for my daughters birthday so why not for my wedding. I will play music i downloaded and CD i already have. For wedding portraits we are going to walmart for those precious pictures and then we will be buying disposable camera for our guest.These cameras will be our at the end of the night for memories to last us a life time.
Anyways hope these ideas help a bit and just remember a wedding is just a ceremony for the family and friends that last a day, your marriage is for you and your husband and will last a lifetime.
gl to you

Answer 5

First of all, your father apparently misunderstood you. Was he 100% sure of his father-of-the-bride duties?

I'm sorry this happened to you. But my top five money saving tips are to buy a dress that is not categorized as a wedding dress (a bridesmaids' dress or a prom dress, or even just an evening gown), use candles instead of flowers (much, much cheaper), use a reception venue that's untraditional (social hall, museum, park, etc.), nix the alcohol except for whatever you toast with (alcohol can be as much as 10% of your wedding budget), and reduce your guestlist size! (If your wedding comes out to $40 a person, cut out ten people and you just saved $400!)

Answer 6

I don't blame you for being hurt, but don't let this ruin the wedding for you. Find out right away how much your father is willing to contribute. Do you have a friend or relative at whose home you might be able to have the wedding? We had our son's wedding at our house. A friend's daughter who is not a caterer but a good cook catered it. A friend did all the decorating of our house in exchange for a piece of furniture we no longer used. We got the flowers from a grower who had a stand at the farmers' market. Hope everything works out for you.

Answer 7

It's disappointing, I know.

It sounds like your father got excited about the idea of his little girl getting married and really wanted to step up and help, but realized he just doesn't have the funds. Look at it as instead of letting you down, he let himself down.

Instead of being angry, you might want to feel badly for him. I'm sure he wishes he could do more and it probably makes him feel like he's let you down. Male egos are fragile that way.

If you want to keep a good relationship with your dad, just let it go.

What you CAN do is say something like
+++"Dad, I love you, and I appreciate your desire to help, but it helps me best when you are honest with yourself about what you can do so you can be honest with me."+++

Then:
Your two choices are to go with what you could afford on your own, and anything he kicks in you can use for honeymoon, etc.

Or sit down with him and plan with him how much he can kick in and go from there.

But there are tons of ways to save money and still have a beautiful wedding.

-I did my own flowers for the centerpieces.

-My favors were chocloate kisses in organza bags I got for 8 for $1 at the dollar store.

-You can have an afternoon wedding - lunch receptions are cheaper and there isn't as much an expectation for a DJ and dancing - you can download music and have hours worth on an MP3 player. Or have the recpetion from 2-5. Then people don't expect lunch or dinner and you can just have appetizers and cake.


-When is the date? Winter weddings can be cheaper because receptions halls aren't as booked. My brother got a great deal because the site needed the "off-season" business.

Try that for starters!

Answer 8

Listen I know that to you your wedding day is a reallyy big issue but you have to remember that it is really the marriage that is important. You can have a reall lovely party that is intimate and inexpensive if you can get some true friends help you out. Do your own flowers and cook your own dinner. You cant ask your father to give you what he dose not have to give. Have a great day wedding day and good luck.

Answer 9

Make your invites and wedding favours i found this a big help and you dont have to be that good at arts and crafts to do it, make your own centre pices for the tables and place cards it works out so much cheaer and it is fun when you get the girls round to help, i also found a lot of simple things in wedding shops on e bay

Answer 10

I think your should never think that some else is going to pay for your wedding, that's very in-mature. You father is helping as much as he can. I would cut your guest list down to help save money. Cut out anything small and unnecessary- don't eat out, don't buy junk good, get rid of the Internet, cable or your cellphone if you can.


Never make plans on someones elses dollar!!