Is this mental child abuse?

Question

I have a 12 yr old boy and a14 yr old girl,their grandma and their dad argues alot in front of them and even tries to bring them in on it. Their dad and grandma are allways saying bad things about me(their mother) that are not true, This upsets my kids to where they are crying. They came home this weekend and told me that their dad got in an arguement with their grandma and my son asked his dad why did he get a divorce with his mom, his dad told him that his mom was a slut and she slept around on him and he has more rights to them than she does. This upset my kids real bad and they came home and told me what he said.
what he said was not true at all, and i left him, not the other way around. Is this mental child abuse? oh, i almost forgot to say that i dont talk bad about their dad or anyone in front of my kids. All i could say is that he didnt tell the truth.

Answer 1

it may not necessarily represent child abuse, but it is deffinitely bad parenting. Their father and grandmother are not putting the best interest of the child before their own personal hostilities. I don't know if you have any legal grounds, but you can certainly try to take him back for a renewed custody order... try to keep the grandmother from visiting....at least........ I commend you for taking the high road. In the end, the father and grandmother are only hurting their relationship with the children. Your kids are old enough to see what kind of person you are.... i'm sure they realize they're being fed lies. Best of luck to you

Answer 2

It's not the child being abused, it's you. The children are just suffering from stress on whether or not what they dad's telling them is true, and being treated like furniture. No one has more 'rights' to a kid, someone just has a better ability to take care of them, which doesn't seem to be their dad. Sit them down and explain the relationship, then try to talk to their dad about what you've heard. As for the arguements with their grandmother, there's not much you can do except advise them to get away. Best wishes.

Answer 3

Definately! It is damaging to any child when yelling and arguing happens in front of them -- especially at 12 and 14 when they are fully able to grasp the concepts and pretty much understand everything that is going on. Does the "grandmother (is that your mother or his btw?) defend you at all or does she go right along with your husband? Are your children in counseling? I think that might help them have an outlet for their feelings and give you a better insight to how they are feeling.

Either way, the fighting is horrible and needs to stop! It will affect your children not only in the here and now but, in the long run as well. wish you the best!

Answer 4

All I can say is that maybe you should sit down with your husband and ask him if what your kids are saying is true. If it is, try to clear it up with him and let him know that you never bad mouth him in front of your kids. In the end, the kids will suffer if he lets on. Also let him know that your kids find it very uncomfortable when he and his mom argue. If he doesn't stop then, maybe your kids should talk to him and let him know how they feel. They're old enough to know what's going on, and I praise them for knowing right from wrong and not just believing what your husband told them about you.

Good luck!

Answer 5

I dont think its really child abuse, but its still wrong. Go talk to the grandma and dad and explain to them that its their right to have their own opinions of you, but to please not express them in front of the children, as children are not always capable of knowing the difference between fact and opinion, especially when they are hearing those things from ppl that they love and respect (like grandma and dad). Grandma and dad are being VERY immature by doing this, so you'll need to be the adult in this situation. If it keeps up, you can probably get the courts involved for them using slander against you in front of your children. Whatever happens tho, you need to make sure you aren't stooping to their level.

Answer 6

I think the damage was done when you dissolved the marriage and destroyed the family structure. That being said he obviously harbors some resentment against you and that kind of thing is usually not without cause. It is not right to drag the kids into a disagreement but face it your kids aren't so much kids as young adults at this point. Abuse? Nope. Is it right to do it? Nope. Is it an attempt to harm them? Nope. Is it an attempt to get at you ? Yep.

Answer 7

Yes I would consider this mental abuse. He is planting ideas inm the minds of your children whioch has has NO RIGHT tro do at all. I think Id start making their visitations supervised- they can see them but a wocial workwer will be near by as well. Some people use their kids as a pawn in a game and the only losers are the kids!

Answer 8

I have been through this, only my kids never told me because they didn't want to hurt and upset me. I would contact a lawyer and DYFS, Division of Youth and Family Services. Perhaps your ex can have supervised visitation somewhere so that he can't badmouth you to the kids. This is very harmful to the children.
Also, if your kids are this age, they can not be forced to go visit with him. When your ex calls the police, etc, or files a motion to see them, tell the Courts or the cops that they don't want to go because of the arguments and the father and grandmother's behavior. Don't allow them to hurt your kids mentally. Good luck!

Answer 9

Having adults you care about denigrate another adult you care about can be devastating. Trying to get them to take sides is putting them in a heart rending situation.

See if you can have a sit down with your ex and his mother to talk reasonably about the effects it is having on your children. If they will not agree and this behavior continues, consult your attorney about a possible mediation hearing, or a hearing before the family court.

Anything that causes emotional pain is abusive. Please get some help for the kids.

Answer 10

It's not fair to the children to talk about their mother badly in front of them. They love their mother and should be allowed to regardless of the father's issues with the mother. They're children and don't need to know details about what happened between their mother and father. Keep doing what you're doing, it is the right thing to do. I don't know if what he's doing is emotional abuse, but it's certainly not kind.