My son is 16 yrs old, how can I give him advise about not getting married at this age??

Question

Since I married at 15, he thinks it's ok.

He has this girlfriend back in our hometown, that's the main reason he wants to get married.

Answer 1

Show him your income and bills.
Make a forecast of what his bills may be.
Then, ask how he intends on providing for a wife.
What happens if she (or him) gets sick? Is there insurance to cover the costs?

Some people just have to learn the hard way. If he won't listen to reason, this is one of those things that you have to let go and let him try flying on his own.

Answer 2

My mother got married at 14, my fiance's got married at 17, so I know where you're coming from, but honestly, why do you think he's not ready? Most 16-year-old boys I know are thinking about beer and bikinis, let alone walking down the aisle. If he's found someone who is on the same page, there's nothing wrong with that. Some people just skip the beer and bikinis phase entirely.

Having said that, I also know how mature 'most people' are at 16. You should talk to him. Does he truly understand the commitment involved? Does his girlfriend? What is his motivation for wanting to get married? Does he do well in school? Does he seem more mature than other boys his age? Has he made good choices regarding other decisions?

While the average age for getting married is now in the late-twenties/early-thirties, that doesn't mean that everyone needs to wait that long. Some people find the right person earlier than others, or just decide they want to skip the singles scene. While I'm glad the average is no longer in the teens, it makes it difficult for a teenager to communicate to an adult or parent the depth of their commitment.

If your family is religious, ask your priest or minister to speak to him and his girlfriend. If they wish to go through with the wedding, I think most clergy these days would require some premarital therapy.

But above all, don't let this come between you and your son. I've seen children get disowned over weddings. He's 16, he's easily old enough to be hurt by your disapproval. Be careful that you don't get frustrated and angry, it will come off as pushing him away.

Answer 3

Times have changed! How long has it been since you exchanged vows? My wife and I were married in October of 2006, she was 23 and I was 24. We are still a little immature at times. Being a guy myself I can say this, I consider myself to be more mature than your average 25 (b-day Jan 21st) Year old. Marriage isn't just about LOVE, it's about commitment, honor, respect, and in our case, most importantly faith. Faith in each other and faith in God. If you still "take care" of him, (laundry, reminders, bills) He's not ready for marriage. Ask him what he would do with a minimum wage job, car insurance, utility bills, the cost of a decent wedding, and so many other expenses. He needs a hobby to distract him. If the Girlfriend is pushing this, it's even worse! How about college, how about a future, how will he provide for children? So many questions that your average 16 year old simply cannot answer. BE HONEST WITH HIM about the pains of the first few years of marriage, communication, sexual pressures. There is a program sponsored by the Catholic Church that EVERY couple should go through NO MATTER what their faith life is. It's called the Engaged Encounter. Type in Catholic Engaged Encounter+your state into any search engine and take a look. It's a real eye opener! Good Luck!

Answer 4

Ok, here's what he's telling you that your not getting-he's an adult and you're still a minor. He has physical needs (sexual) and if he were to have any relationship with you while you're underage, he could be in serious trouble with the law. that's great that his mom approves of you, that's obvious or she wouldn't be trying to get you two together, but he's not so sure about it all. My advise: you know it would be nearly impossible to be just friends if the chemistry is there; look at the world now-there is too many divorces going on because of infidelity so just friends doesn't work. He may not want to wait 8 months for you. I'd keep looking at other potential boyfriends, keeping him still in mind and communicating with flirting and wait until your a little older and then see where it leads.

Answer 5

I think that getting married at such an early age is wrong.

Perhaps you should make a deal with him. Tell him to get a part-time job and help you with your home finances for the space of 1 year. Make sure you throw at him some of the heaviest adult responsibilities of having a home, and supporting someone (a virtual wife).

Before the year is over, increase his responsibilities by creating a "virtual baby", and increase the amount of money he has to spend in the home from his income.

In few weeks he will start screaming about where the money goes, and how fast it is going. Tell him. That is the "Marital Basic Training" and he needs to complete the training to get your blessing for his marriage.

You must not help him. Remember you will not always be around when he needs help, and he needs to learn that too. Get the girl's parents involved. Tell them you have no problem that they keep their relationship (your son's and their daughter's) until they both are prepared for such a major step.

Best wishes.

Answer 6

I would point out that marriage at a young age (like 16) is huge risk factor for divorce. Explain that he can have a serious relationship, but why jump to marriage? He has plenty of time to figure out who he wants to marry. He won't really understand, but he hasn't really matured to the point to make this decision. He doesn't know who he is. Freud would say he hasn't fully developed. At 23, I have been with my fiance since I was 18, and I know we have both grown and matured so much in this time. I know at 18 I wasn't ready to marry, but now at 23 I've grown and matured and am now ready. Let him know there is no need to rush into marriage, but that he can have a serious dating relationship.

Answer 7

First of all, he won't be able to marry without a parent's consent. Actually at age 16 or younger you usually need a judge's consent.

You should bring good arguments.
Tell him why you were ready at age 15 and he isn't.
If you have experienced something bad during your first years of marriage, be sure to tell him about it. Try to et him know all the bad things about getting married at a young age like himself.

Answer 8

well since he is 16, most states require parental consent ot get married before tha age of 18. Just don't give your consent to let him marry. if he really loves this girl, he can wait two years to get married.

Answer 9

Say, "you don't want to get married at 16. I married at 15 and had YOU, and look how that turned out."

Answer 10

Someone has to sign for him since he is a minor.. don't sign, problem pretty well solved... and if he thinks he is ready to be a man, make him take on some adult responsibilities, get a job, keeping it, going to school, paying his own way...