Me and my boyfriend are hanging out, having a good time and then he decides to leave me to go hang out with a friend. This has happened multiple times, it makes me feel like he doesn't care. I could be wrong, but I think it's rude, I'd never do that to anybody. I'd totally understand if they had previous plans and we were just hanging out til he had to go but he just asks his friend to go hang out and ditches me. Does he not care anymore? What should I do? We've been dating for 4 yrs.
2007-01-22 02:55:00 · 13 answers · asked by L@uren87 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I've tried talking to him about it and the only thing he says is I'm getting controlling. The thing is, I'm not trying to control him...I know that he needs to spend time with his friends, everyone does, I'm glad he does spend time with them, we can't be together all the time. It's just like whenever I try to talk to him about it, he says I'm trying to control him, and I'm really not. I'd hate to be controled so I'm not going to do it to someone else. Another couple we hang out with a lot has a very female controlling relationship and it's disgusting so to speak, it's like her bf has no say at all and with seeing that, I'm not going to try to control anyone. He said himself I need a new boyfriend...what should I take from that?
2007-01-22 03:14:07 · update #1
Its probably not that he doesnt care..guys have this thing when it comes to their "boys" they'll run out on you quicker than hell to be with their friends..I have had this happen to me allot..TALK TO HIM..communication is your best bet especially since you guys have been together for so long..let him know that it makes you feel like ****..be honest about it..Good Luck
2007-01-22 02:59:29 · answer #1 · answered by Jessi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's telling you to get another boyfriend, maybe he's unsure of where your relationship is going. I would try to talk to him and explain how it upsets you when he ditches you to hang out with the guys. Explain that you understand that he needs some space, but that when the two of you are on a date or hanging out, you would appreciate some one on one time without him taking off with his friends. Maybe he doesn't know how much it bothers you. It sounds like you need to sit down and have a talk about where things are going.
2007-01-22 11:20:59 · answer #2 · answered by cinderella_12_10 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relax as long as the friend is another guy. Guys need time with their male friends too. Don't start nagging him about this or he will think that you are trying to control him and it will lead to a break up, trust me. Just ask him if possible to let you know ahead of time when he has plans with his friends so you can go hang out with some girlfriends. Don't smother him or you are going to lose him trust me.
2007-01-22 10:59:05 · answer #3 · answered by mom of twins 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he is "ULTRA-COMFORTABLE" in your relationship. He comes and goes as he pleases and doesn't stop to think how it is making you feel.
I would try to talk to him about this... tell him how you feel... and ask him why the "sudden" change!
Have you tried to set down some "guidelines?" Such as: why don't you come over for a few hours and THEN around (set a time - or circumstance) catch up with your friends.
Such as: "Why don't we get together for dinner, and they around 7 go hang out with your buddies?"
OR -
"I would really like it if you would come over to help me with my computer. Then, why don't you go watch the Super Bowl with Tony?"
That way it would be decided when he was going to go. You wouldn't feel like he just up and left, and you would both know the expectations.
I think you need to comunicate a bit more!
Good Luck - 4 years is not worth just throwing away on something that could be rectified!
2007-01-22 11:01:18 · answer #4 · answered by Glory 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, i think you shood confront him with this and usually guys will act like they weren't doing anything but just hang on. If he does deny it, tell him that you notice it all the time and give him examples of recent times he has ditched you. Then tell him how you feel uncared for, like he doesn't love you anymore. If this doesn't work and he STILL denies it then i think you shood take a break form him b/c he obviously needs a break too.
2007-01-22 11:02:56 · answer #5 · answered by candace. :] 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is rude! Have you talked to him about it? If I were you, I'd get the feeling that I was the "back up plan" until something better came along. You should ask him what is up with that.
2007-01-22 10:57:30 · answer #6 · answered by brown_iyed_grrl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should sit down and talk to him and tell him that if the two of you have made previous plans to hang out then he has to stick to the agreement, and if he doesn't agree or stick with it you should tell him that you two can start hanging out again when he is ready to keep his promises. it is VERY rude of him to ditch you and not very boyfreind like!
2007-01-22 11:00:46 · answer #7 · answered by SEAMstressed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does he not take you with him to hang out with his friends. Sounds odd to me.
2007-01-22 10:59:31 · answer #8 · answered by angie a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should confront him about it.
That is pretty rude for him to do...
you say you guys have been dating for four years, so maybe he's just doing this because he knows that you'll always bee there and you probly won't get mad.
So i say you should confront him about it and if he doesn't fix it...well, break up with him.
2007-01-22 11:00:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is a little disrespectful, but i think he cares about u. talk to him tell him how u feel and hopefully he will understand.
2007-01-22 11:01:05 · answer #10 · answered by ivelisse 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋