See I have been with this guy for a little over 4 years now and he has cheated on me with a girl who was 14 at the time and even though he doesn't want to be with her she want leave him alone. Well my problem is that after he done that it has been so hard for me to forgive him b/c he was 18 at the time and I was 18 also. We are both 20 now and the girl is 16 and has a baby but says its his and he denies it. Ever since then things haven't been the same I have built this wall up against him and I don't trust him at all but still love him some. I am at the point that I don't know how to just let it go and move on. I'm afraid that if I move on to someone else then I'm going to build the same wall up with that person b/c I'm going to be afraid to trust anyone. What can i do to get over this and move on?
2007-01-22 01:56:52 · 10 answers · asked by sweety_8620 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First of all, know that the relationship will never be the same as it was before he cheated on you. People do not realize that cheating could be very damaging to any relationship and some relationships may not ever recover. You must see where the relationship is now. Is he really remorseful and taken responsibility for his lies? Has he made an effort to earn your trust again? Then there is the question if he is the father of her child. I would not want to be with a guy who did not take responsibility for his own child. I would want to make sure if indeed this child is actually his or not. Then her age at the time made her a minor and he an adult which is against the law to have sexual relationtions with anyone under the age of 18. This would make me question him in my mind from a moral point of view.You alone must decide if this relationship is worth saving. Know that the hurt of his deception will always be in the way of having a close, honest love relationship. Some couples with alot of work have been able to overcome issues such as yours. My personal opinion, if I were you, I would prefer to move on. You are stiil young, not married to this guy, no children I presume, so you could have a great future ahead of you with someone who will love you and make you happy. This is the time to concentrate on studies so that you can have a great financial future. Think these issues over for this will determine the outcome of your future happiness. Best wishes to you!
2007-01-22 05:31:41 · answer #1 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow thats must be tough times for you lately. I am sorry that it happened to you. Whatever happen, it happened and nothing can change that. You right, you can't move on because you have nothing to change it or solve the problem. Now, you have to be single for a while, start to trust yourself, it is very important to begin before step a new level. If you met someone, why don't you be his friend first, get know him more, remember all guys are not same! New guy won't be same like your ex boyfriend. You need to start trust a new guy, and explain him about your history why you have hard time to trust enough but you just can't turn him off and can't trust him, it might hurt a new guy, but hey you don't need to worry about that now because it wont happen until later. All you need to move on and start your life, travel, go to school, keep yourself busy and building up your trust by yourself, it will help you to forget everything in the past. Good luck.
2007-01-22 10:03:24 · answer #2 · answered by MissGal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just getting away from him will help you be able to think more clearly. I'll bet you won't even miss him because you'll be sitting around asking yourself why you didn't do it sooner. You'll feel so good to of gotten that two ton weight off of you and you'll be happy. You know this relationship isn't working and that it's bad for you so just leave and the rest is easy.
As for that baby, it probibly is his. She was 14 at the time. Most boys aren't sexually active around that age and I doubt there are too many other 18 year olds who would go that young. Have you yelled at him to take the freekin' paternity test yet? What kind of man denies his own baby?
2007-01-22 10:06:42 · answer #3 · answered by Tasha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's going to be hard for you to move on and get over this because every time he leaves out of the house you are going to think he's out cheating on you again and plus you probably think that the baby may be his and you make him get a d.n.a test to see if it is his child. But the only thing that you can do is try your best to forgive him and try to restore the trust that you once had for him.
2007-01-22 10:03:25 · answer #4 · answered by Lady T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon, when someone you love and been with so long betrays you like that, it just devastates you. My ex (before I met my husband) cheated on me twice!! So I know how hurt you are and the feelings you are having. This is going to be hard to do, but you need to do it to help yourself. Get all your courage and strength together and you need to leave him. Yes, it is going to be difficult to do. But if you stay with him it is bound to happen again and those feelings you are having will not go away. There is someone out there meant for you who will treat you how you want to be treated. I didn't believe it at first when I left my ex.......but I found my husband! Give yourself a chance to find someone who won't hurt you or betray you like that.
I was scared at first when I met my now hubby. Thinking all men were the same and will only hurt you.........I was wrong! You need to leave your boyfriend to find true happiness. And yes, you will be able to trust again! Good Luck hon!
2007-01-22 10:10:53 · answer #5 · answered by PrincessAli'sMom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you stay he will do it again thinking u will stay, its hard at first but move on and build a new life it does get better and u will trust again with the right guy it may take longer to trust again and u will have some natural defences but the right guy will be patient and loving and earn your trust. not all men are bad but good ones are hard to find and well worth looking for so dont accept second best which is what your partner is
2007-01-22 10:05:41 · answer #6 · answered by northern_playgirl_seventynine 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's ok to move on. It takes time to heal. Don't date anyone else until you heart heals. Then maybe you won't build such a high wall with someone else you care about.
2007-01-22 10:01:00 · answer #7 · answered by mizzgrizz01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If someone hurts you really bad, you move on. If you stay and give them chances to do it over and over, you're at fault. I've always told my daughter this...she thanks me for this piece of advice all the time.
2007-01-22 10:00:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it takes almost all of your love for them just try and remember all of the good times you had and try not to think of bad things with him
2007-01-22 10:00:26 · answer #9 · answered by spawnof_thedevil 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are so young to be so hurt. Let it go........go out and have fun...don't worry about him........move on.
2007-01-22 10:01:28 · answer #10 · answered by Monte T 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋