besides working, what is the best way to keep my mind off of what may be happening to my husband in iraq?

Question

my husband deployed less than a month ago and it already feels a lot longer than it actually has been. i am going insane. how do i keep from thinking that my husband is fighting for his life everyday even though i know that is what he is doing? this is his second deployment but it's our first together.

Answer 1

Set a routine, learn a new hobby, go shopping, if you have kids, take them to a park, pamper yourself, work out, get your nails done, write letters to him, don't watch the news (most isn't true and blows everything way out of proportion), go to a movie, hang out with friends whose husbands are also deployed (be careful not to get involved with the ones who look at deployment as a reason to cheat), buy a dog. These are things my wife has been doing while I've been gone. Don't be afraid to use a little bit of the extra money your husband is making. The main thing is to just live your life and don't sit around the house waiting on a phone call, you will go crazy. Military spouses are definitely the strongest of the couple. We are trained for this stuff and we have an entire platoon as a support group whose going through the same things we are. You don't have that luxury, and its tough. Hang in there and try some of the things I have suggested, he'll be home before you know it.

Answer 2

Your question intrigues me. Do you assume that just because your husband is in Iraq he's fighting for his life every day or do you know that his job requires him to convoy or patrol a lot? Yes, the whole damn country is dangerous, but my husband is deployed and somehow, I really don't worry. There are times that his job requires him to travel to another base and those are the days I worry. Most of the time though he is on base, his actual job takes him about 15 minutes to do every 4 hours, the rest of the time he is taking care of admin things, going to the gym, eating, watching movies, or sleeping. Now, the first time he deployed all he did was security for convoys and occasionally they would have to do a patrol, then yes, I was EXTREMELY anxious about his well-being. You'd be surprised what the average deployed military person does in a day. Are you aware that some of those bases have fast food joints, movie theaters, places to get your nails done, somewhere to get a massage. They have steak, lobster, shrimp, crab legs at some of the chow halls. They're living better over there than most people live on a daily basis at home. If you are really worried do something to keep your mind off things, do you have a job? If not, get one. Start a new hobby, redecorate your home, take a short trip with a friend. Just don't sit around watching the news. Good luck, you'll make it through okay.

Answer 3

The best thing to do is stay busy. When my husband's gone I also try to write every day and send a package once a week. Writing to him before I go to sleep at night makes me feel like we still get our time to "talk" at the end of the day.

I would also look into your FRG. I know so many wives (especially those that are new to the military or whose husbands are not career soldiers) who really discount the FRG. While it can become a group of gossiping, bitter women, it can also be a really good place to meet friends. I've always preferred being around other families who are in the same boat as me. It's a lot easier to have someone who can relate to your bad days. Plus, when I lived in a non-military area during a deployment, I got so tired of the ignorant - sometimes down right rude - questions people would ask. Make some friends, it will help.

Also, I've found that after about 4 months it tends to get easier. I can't promise that it will, but in our experience it gets easier on both ends after about 4 months. By then you'll have a big chunk of the deployment behind you, and you'll both be in a routine. You'll be used to him being gone as much as possible. It seems that around 4-6 months you kind of get over the "hump" and it starts to get easier. Plus around there you can start looking forward to mid-tour leave!

Answer 4

I know what you are going through. Its hard for me when my husband deploys. I dont have kids to keep me busy so I just indulge myself in work and school. Here is my advice...

Do NOT watch war movies or the news. It will only freak you out. Get involved with activities on base. There are a lot of other military wives going through the same thing you are.

See if there are any volunteer opportunities in your area. Volunteering is a wonderful thing. It makes you feel like you've accomplished something and helps your local community.

Go to the gym. When my husband leaves I am tempted to sit on the couch and eat my depression away. This never works. Go work out and get those endorphins flowing. You will feel so much better and its just healthy!

If you are not already get active in your church. Having faith is the most important thing. God is the only one that can truly help you and ease your mind. Trust in Him!

This is my personal favorite. CARE PACKAGES! I feel the best when I am putting together something to send my husband. Its like the only connection between the two of you when he's gone. Phone calls are great but care packages come from the heart.

Answer 5

Big Dave, what a shame camile's husband is fighting for crud like you.

You use the word Big in your name. More fitting would be USELESS. A real shame that people fight and die to protect the freedom of idiots like you.

Camile, keep the faith and we're pulling for your husband. If your husband has use of the internet, you could set up a time each week to go on line with each other. And, as mentioned above, you might try a hobby.

And most of all, don't let the likes of USLESS Dave get your spirits down. Best of luck. Our prayers are with you.

Answer 6

Number one, send him the thanks of his fellow Americans for his service, I know how deeply I appreciate his and your sacrifices.

Volunteer. Offer to burn some free time by reading to the elderly at an ALF or Nursing Home in your area, offer some time at your local Humane Society animal shelter, Habitat for Humanity is a good place to help others and keep busy. Nothing makes one feel better than to offer some badly needed assistance to another. A new hobby as some suggested, maybe something totally out of the norm for you like building birdhouses or maybe model cars. Be creative in your attempts to find things to occupy your attentions. I wish you luck honey and the safe return of your husband very soon.

Answer 7

I went thru the exact same thing. Basically, I kept myself so busy that I didnt have time to think. I'd come home from work, and I'd go crazy on the house. I'd clean everything from top to bottom every other day. On the days I wasnt going wild on the housework, I'd do the laundry. And with that, I mean I'd be washing curtains, and everything else I could get my hands on. If you start doing that though, you'll end up burning out very quickly. What I did was I started emailing my husband every night. I'd write out everything that happened thru the day, good or bad, just as if I was talking to him. It made him feel alot closer to home because he still knew everything that was going on, and it made me feel closer to him too. Also, start a journal. In it, write everything that you are feeling, your thoughts, your fears for him, and when he comes home, you can give it to him. Another thing that helped me too, was everytime I got scared for him, I sent him a care package. One time, he ended up getting 14 boxes at once because I was worried about him. Best of luck to both of you, and remember, there are alot of us going thru the same things you are. Dont forget to attend your monthly meeting for the units wives. You can check about the dates and times thru either your FRG or the local FAC.

Answer 8

I've answered this question for someone else a long time ago, see below. Its always a hard time. Anyways you can read my first answer, and i would like to add that it may also be helpfull to keep a journal of your daily activities so you whenever you send an update via email he can look and see what your doing everyday and that you miss him. But also that you support him and that you are very proud of him!

Answer 9

Hi mine deployed till june and as hard as it is dont think of him fighting for his life as u will make yourself ill ... Block it out and think postive .. keep sending him uplifing mail and parcels and think about him coming back reinvent yourself that always takes my mind of it .... Keep smiling on the outside as even though you are worried a smile makes you feel better ..and dont watch the news as that will drive you mad xx

Answer 10

God bless him. But to get your mind off things, try a hobby. What are your interests? You could start painting,drawing. You can always get into photography, to.

Take some Drawing classes ,if you're interested in drawing, so you could get better at it. You can sumbit your artwork at many websites and people will rate it. Theres alot you could do.

You can start reading aswell, if reading interests you. If you like sports, you can always try Skiing/Snowboarding etc. Can I have more details, about your likes and dislikes Ma'am? Do you like sports,art? Just basic details.