it is a long story to explain but ill tell you most of the points ; my mum told me and my sister that me and her have both diffrent fathers and they left my mum and us on our own wen we were little. she said that our fathers didnt give a **** ;excuss my language ; about us at all. but do i have right to see and no what he was like and would he look like me. wud he be thinking of me or not? im just wondering. i love my step dad i do but wud you go out looking for him? please help .
2007-01-22 00:00:30 · 17 answers · asked by teri c 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
when i was alot younger and stupid i had an affair with a married woman and we had a child, well her husband didn't want me in the picture and because of a lot of other crap i had to let her husband adopt him. well i told you that so i can tell you that i pray everyday that someday i'll get a knock at my door or a call and my son will be on the other end. i don't know how you're real dad feels but if he has any feelings at all he'd probably love to hear from you. you just have to sort out whats best for you though, good luck with that too. jones_pdiddy@yahoo.com if you want to talk more, later
2007-01-22 00:11:47 · answer #1 · answered by hotrod111075 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People when confronted with this news deal with it differently. Now told you feel the need to confirm your identity, ie what was my father like what does he look like what about other relatives etc. It can be a very confusing time. It would be best to speak to your mum about where this man could possibly be,she should not react angrily and if she does then you need to remind her that she has opened this can of worms so now you need her support. It does not change your relationship with your step father but it it a natural yearning for us to know who we are. Your mum obviously has some issues with how she has been treated by your Dad and that is understandable however you now need to make that judgment yourself. If your mum is not approachable re the subject then you need to seek out other relatives for help. Seek some counsel ling re this news as it is a lot to comprehend. The sense of abandonment if that is what you feel needs to be addressed. Often it is not abandonment but complex adult issues that got in the way of you two remaining in contact. sometimes people feel it is the best option but in reality in the long term it is not, my bet is he has had ongoing issues re this as well. Seek him out if you have to, you need closure but be prepared that you may not find him for quite some time yet if no one is going to guide you through the process and there is a risk of rejection. Get the counselling to prepare for all outcomes. Good luck
2007-01-22 00:17:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you know the answer to that question. When your biological left he showed how much he cared. Your real father is the one who stuck around and took care of you. Sure you have a curiousity to find him but will that change anything. It's not that hard to find people these days with computers. If he wanted to know about you and what you are doing, if he cared I think he would have been there or have found you by my. But if you do decide to look for him be prepared he may still want nothing to do with you. Good luck.
2007-01-22 00:17:11 · answer #3 · answered by momseekinganswers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen I been there done that and believe me after I got the story it didn't match up with what I had been told all my life.As a matter of fact I regreted even getting involved with what should have been (let sleeping dogs lie)totally.If you have a stepfather that cares about you then let it be.Your real father is going to have to deal with what he didn't do it's called "KARMA" leave him alone and move on with your life.Let your step dad know how much you appreciate him..
2007-01-22 00:59:14 · answer #4 · answered by gblue52 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. I think you should, actually i have the same problem, but i don't even know where the hell is his.. it is a fortune that you know where is he, find out the reason whys he left you prehaps truth wasn't like what your mother say.. i mean not trying to broke up the relationship between you and your mother, fact is always hidden, you should at least give a chance to ur father.
2007-01-22 00:09:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he hasn't cared for you at all in all these years, or called to know how you're doing, sent you a post card on your birthday, then why bother? Obviously he doesn't love you. Your step dad has done his job well, right? Then THAT is your father. Paternity is credited to the one that raises, and not to the irresponsible **** that laid a sperm and then vanished.
2007-01-22 00:07:51 · answer #6 · answered by M'lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife is facing the same question.However, when my wife actually found the guy(her mother had told her it was this man her whole life)her mother started saying it might be someone else.When my wife had contacted this guy she let him know she didn't want any money(she was already 21)she just wanted to meet her father.well ,thanks to her mother changing her story we would have to pay for a dna test just to find out if he's her dad.You have every right to know where you come from.You're mom might be trying to protect you.wait till you think you can handle whatever happens first.Get all the facts before you move on and let your mom know what you're going to do.You're stepdad would understand if he knows this is something you have to do.
2007-01-22 00:19:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes....i would say you need to do that because it would haunt you till you old. You will need some guidance though because this is a very emotional matter. I would say to 1st get a history on him before just 'bashing' into his life...he might be a high commissioned guy or a junky for all you know...i say that, trusting that you need to bear in mind, you have to prepare yourself emotionally for what ever comes...the worst rejection!
I wish you the best!
2007-01-22 00:14:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well..i think ur so curios about him so why dont u give it a try to find ur father. tell ur mum and step father that u at least wanna see what he looks like. whether u like him or not it depends on u when u see him later. but dont expect u can see him. he maybe somewhere far away in this world
2007-01-22 00:05:31 · answer #9 · answered by nonisu_9591 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay here's what you do...do a search for him..don't make it known to anyone that u know that u looking for him.. try and keep it on the down low..if u know what i mean...When u find him...check out where he lives and if he has a family..if he is a loner and has no job...he might not be stable and he might try and hassle you for money in the years to come...coz he is your father and he knows who you are now..but if he has a family..and he has a responsibilities then go to him...he might regret leaving you...leave your mom out of it for a while...she might think that she wasn't good enough to you and that's why you went in search of your dad.
Good luck
2007-01-22 00:11:21 · answer #10 · answered by Natz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋