im given my ex boyfriend a second chance, he ended it with me,. started seeing someone else after we split and has now realised his mistake and ended it with her! we were together 3 yrs and have a house together, everyone is now being really negative about him and i know its because there looking out for me and dont want me to get hurt but i do find it quite upsetting and feel i cant mention him cos people will make a face or something obvious that they no longer like him etc has anyone been in a situation like this before?
and whats the best way to deal with it??
2007-01-21 23:22:26 · 18 answers · asked by sweetness 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
A little background, then a thought on how to deal with it.
The person with whom I have my primary relationship is rather touchy right now for medical reasons I will not go into, but in the current wide emotional mood swings my wife is experiencing, she can be downright rude and mean sometimes. Anyway my family as my support group does a pretty good job listening to when I am hurting the most EXCEPT that afterwards they seem to want to rag on her back to me, rather than realizing that she's in the fight of her life and cutting her a bit of slack.
Here's my point: there is already enough negative in the world, and you, me, nor anybody else really likes to hear someone we care about get run down by others. Or even ourselves, for that matter. So I have had to gently but persistently remind my family that they are talking about someone I care about, and while the difficult moments and obvious faults of the other person are there, it doesn't make it any easier for me if everyone else keeps throwing up the difficulties of the past in front of me while they are trying to "be with me on my journey."
We're supposed to ease each other's paths, not toss all of the past rocks in front of us or fret and focus on each other every last bump and rock on the climb up life's mountains.
2007-01-21 23:33:20 · answer #1 · answered by HeartSpeaker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just say that you understand their displeasure with him but you believe in second chances. Explain that you are an adult and will handle the consequences if he decides to leave again. Nobody wants to see their friends or family hurt. Just nod and say, yeah yeah, I know. People can be so cold sometimes. You could just try to ignore them also. I have been in a situation like that, but the bad news is that I did get burned again. I really do wish you the best of luck.
2007-01-21 23:33:27 · answer #2 · answered by looloo1122 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes Bombshell
My ex and me have been on the outs and ins so many times that nobody in my family likes her. So, whenever we get back together, I feel that I can't discuss her because of how they will react. So, you can either do one of two things. You can not mention him around them OR you can mention him all the time and be happy and don't worry about other people. If they say things negative then that goes to show you that they really aren't supportive of your decisions. Also, you may want to consider this. IF you two get into fights, don't tell your family or friends, keep it to yourself. They form opinions by what you tell them. Trust me, I know.
Good Luck
2007-01-21 23:32:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in that situation before. Its not nice.
The problem is they have all seen him hurt you in the past and they do not want that to happen again.
Time will tell. When they realise that he is here to stay they will back off i can promise you.
It may take months or years but it will happen.
Try to make a different circle of friends. Friends that do not know your relationship history.
Be patient with your friends as they are only concerned about you.
All the best for the future
2007-01-22 00:01:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes people on the outside of a relationship can see the negative aspects of what's taking place in a relationship, that neither you or the boyfriend can see.
Trouble is sometimes these people on the outside are right other times they are totally wrong in what they see and think.
Do whatever it is that makes you happiest but don't let the boyfriend use you again for his own selfish needs. Get the most out of the relationship for you.
2007-01-21 23:33:13 · answer #5 · answered by michael_trussell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently you are still interested in him regardless of what he has done, and regardless how your friends look at him....
I will tell you one thing only...
Imagine yourself living without any of your friends around you... Would u find it easier to take a decision on how to deal with this issue?????
I am sure you will be as decisive as a sword in that sense...
So, it is up to you dear to know How, When and on What basis to take a decision on issues directly touching you...
Don't wait for people's opinion on something to decide what COULD be fairly acceptable to you; i.e., going back to him.
You have spent Three Years together...This is long enough for you to decide the kind of people he is....
Accordingly you will be able to judge if he is sincere or simply bluffing....
Besides....There must ve been some good times you spent together...So, bearing him with the good picture you have in mind COULD remind you with the saying which goes:
WHEN I AM RIGHT, NO ONE REMEMBERS, BUT WHEN I AM WRONG, NO ONE FORGETS...
Be yourself dear and do what you TRUST must be done...
2007-01-21 23:37:48 · answer #6 · answered by FOREVER AUTUMN 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is understandable really why they are acting like this, but if you talk to them and say it upsets you then hopefully they will stop. If you explain how you are going to make a go of it and he is truely sorry and is making up for it then they will come round but it might take them a while to trust him again. Just hang in there and think what they about him you know the truth and it is on for your good aswell. Hope it all sorts out for you xx
2007-01-21 23:27:41 · answer #7 · answered by Kimmy xx 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you're quick and witty enough to come back with a smart comment then do, embarrassing the other person always makes you look better haha, but if not just take it like a pinch of salt and ignore them!
2016-05-24 16:34:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you need to thank everyone for their concern, but IT IS YOUR LIFE. Remind them of this, if necessary. Also let them know that this is not a decision you've come to lightly, that you've put alot of thought into this reconciliation and you truthfully feel that it is the best thing for you. If your friends and family love you, they will support you and want you to be happy. Tell them that they are entitled to their own opinions, but he is a part of your life and you would appreciate it if they didn't make their disapproval so obvious.
2007-01-21 23:27:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Really, you have made your own bed and have to lie in it!
He has let you down in the past and your friends are being just that, friends - looking out for you and making their opinions (rightly or wrongly) known to you!
There is no easy way to deal with the situation except tell them that you have given him a second chance! It's your decision - not theirs!
It is also up to him to put himself back into 'favour' by ensuring that he doesn't screw up again and let you down! If he does let you down again - your friends will all say 'told you so'! BUT, they will support you coz that's what friends do!
2007-01-21 23:28:51 · answer #10 · answered by jamand 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋