Am i being a selfish mother?

Question

I have a 3 year old son to my ex-partner,unfortunately after 12 months of being apart he is taking me to court as he wants parental responsibilty.Now I have my doubts and fears because for 5 years of being together i was a victim of domestic violence, and my son had witnessed this on a number of occasions. My Ex has a history of violence(and a very bad one at that) and I would be absolutely devastated if the court allowed him this responsibilty.He was arrested last year for his actions against me but as he was so controlling over me I was forced to sign a letter in which he typed and sent to the courts.He was fined £50 and received a conditional charge for 2 years.Now if the court allowed this access I would be constantly worried for my son's safety. The only time he mentions his dad is when he tells me that his daddy used to smack his bottom and that it hurt. So he used to try and hide. I assume this took place when I was at work. So am I being selfish in denying my son his father?

Answer 1

I don't think so, at least not for unsupervised visits. With a conviction just one year back, it does not seem likely that a judge would put a child in harm's way in unsupervised visitation.

Answer 2

No you are not being selfish this is your son your talking about, you are trying to protect him. If you have serious concerns then the court will take them into consideration, maybe you should suggest your sons father have supervised visits for the day. Your son needs to have someone with him when he see's your ex, you arent denying your son a father and im sure when he is older he will understand. I really do hope things work out for you, and please if you are unsure about your sons safety then go with your insticts and keep him away from his dad.

Good luck

I would also not suggest listening to people that say "his daddy wont hurt him" i dont mean to scare/worry you but there are parents out there that hurt there children

And also please dont let a judge 'interrogate' your son, he is a child and he should have nothing to do with the court & legal battle you have ahead of you

xx

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Answer 3

Dont worry. Go to the Sherrifs Dept. and you are allowed to get copies of the fathers arrest reports and witness statements if anything. These are public records and only cost a dew dollars. Also bring anyone you know as a character reference who knows the babys father. Freinds, relatives etc. You need to file a restraining order. Yo can go to the court house and get one for about $40.00 I believe depending on where you live at. If you cannot afford an attorney, you can represent yourself in court as well. I know that no judge in their right mind wil award him custody especially after reading his arrest reports. The courts look for who is the more stable parent. Which parent will help foster a loving relationship between the child and the other parent. They are not concerned with who makes more money etc.
They want to know that there is a parent who is better at providing a stable atmosphere for the child.

Answer 4

You are not being selfish, you are doing the right thing. If you allow your son to see his father, he may grow up to be an abuser, too. If your ex has a documented history of violence, he should not be allowed unsupervised visits with the child. I hope that you will stay strong and not allow your ex to get to you and make you give him visitation. If your ex does get to controlling you again, I hope that you will seek counseling for your son's sake as well as your own. Your son will learn how to act from both you and your ex, so you need to be strong, fight for custody of him, and show him that he does not need to grow up to be a dysfunctional man like his father.

Answer 5

Absoloutly not!!! You are his mother and there for it is your job and your responsibillty to protect your child. Your ex needs help and a lot of it! There is no way any court would allow this man to have visitation with a child that fears him. I would fight till the death to make sure my son was safe. Now that you are out of the relationship, I would tell your ex that if he wants anything to do with our son, he needs to get help or it's a no deal!! Your sons safety must come first. No mother will ever be called selfish for protecting their child. That is our job!

Answer 6

Being a mother, I can understand you. I would , no way, agree such a partner to have my child. But maybe law forces you and you have no legal ground to refuse. So what I would do, first of all find myself a specialised laywer. Give all details about domestic violence. Use he did not want to see him in 1 year (If so). And then if you cannot refuse parental visits, claim rules.
I don't know where you live, but in Belgium exists a system that if you are very doubtfull of your partner seeing your child, and in case law orders you that he can see the child, he sees the child in a center with a psych present and very limited in time. And with a lot of restrictions.
Get yourself informed legally and ask for this type of alternative solutions.

I knw he's the father, but a father cannot harm his child.
Good luck.

Answer 7

You have to have a license to fish, a license to hunt, a license to drive a car, but any jack-*** can be a sperm doner. It takes a real man to be a father. I'd say that one is less a man than any one I've ever met. Ask for the judge to speak to your son, in private, asking him what happened when his "daddy" was around. You're better off having this person out of both of your lives forever.

Answer 8

The guy sounds like a sperm donor-not a father. Fight it tooth and nail. You are not being selfish, you are looking after the best interests of your child. That's not selfish, it's YOUR JOB AS A MOMMY!!!

Answer 9

Not at all. I wouldn't let him near your son! Sever all contact with your ex. Even change your phone number if you have to and keep it unlisted

Answer 10

No you are not being selfish. You are trying to protect your child. Good Luck in your battle.