Hey all got a strange problem going on here. I recently found out I have terminal cancer. I thought it would be helpfull if I did my funeral arrangements now that way my family won't have to do it later, I found a casket and tombstone I really like the design/color etc and got the spot in the cemetary next to my parents. Now the problem is my wife and my brothers all don;t like the casket I picked out it's bronze colored with a fishing scene on the inside of the lid, showing a lone fisherman fly casting into a stream and under the picture is the verse from the bible that says "come with me and I shall make you fishers of men" and the stone I picked is black marble with the same thing on it along with my name and the dates. Everyone here knows I'm a lifelong fisherman. My wife and brothers say I should go with a plain coffin and stone since thats more traditional. Do you all see any problem with my choices for the coffin and stone?
2007-01-21 21:19:51 · 14 answers · asked by flyfisherman_46 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Woolfie is right, in part I think it is your choice, it will be your body's resting place and I think you should have a choice on what you want it to look like, it's your last wish right?
The other part is that they are the ones that will come to visit you there and well it's probably understandable that they want a say in it.
Overall it's your choice, and it's your grave and you should have the last say on what goes and what doesn't.
I like your choice by the way.
2007-01-21 21:28:44 · answer #1 · answered by Jeannette R 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you are doing a good thing. You are taking all of this pressure off of your family. You are very brave and I applaud you! Just tell your family that this is your coffin you are going to be in it not them You made such a wonderful choice with the fisherman. They should respect your wishes! I like your ideas!My husband was a commercial commercial fisherman and he wanted to be cremated and his ashes scattered into the Atlantic Ocean. His brother traveled several hundred miles to respect his wishes. We have his memories.We don't need to visit a grave site to speak to him.I am sorry about your cancer. I know you are right with the Lord from your choice of verse from the Bible. God bless you! Maybe your family is just in shock right now.
2007-01-23 02:22:57 · answer #2 · answered by Pamela V 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friends and close family know I am adamant about not wanting flowers and the money they would have spent on them to be given to the Blue Cross Animal Society, but that's about it. Couldn't care less about all the other stuff. Destroying masses of flowers because someone has died seems an enigma to me, the same as a fancy coffin is a waste of wood and if it's a cremation, I bet the coffins go back to the Undertakers.
2016-05-24 15:42:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first let me say how very srry i am to here about your illness and with that being said your family should be cherishing every single sec with you instead of arguing over something so meaningless. this should be your choice and to be honnest and not to be harsh but this is a casket people are only going to see it for a few min at most and then never again and i have buried about 8 close people in the last 7 yrs and i honnestly couldnt tell you what the casket even looked like and i helped pick out 2 of them and let me tell you that is one very hard job so you are taking a great burden off your family by doing this for them.. once again im srry and i hope that this works out for you
2007-01-21 21:39:39 · answer #4 · answered by crazyme 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't see a problem with it. My father had a black coffin, but his headstone is also black marble with a wildlife scene etched on the back that my own aunt drew. I personally like the idea of your fisherman's coffin. Stand firm, write all of this down and sign it with two witnesses, and give the paper to someone you trust to carry out your wishes. It's your funeral, and they should have enough respect to carry out your wish.
2007-01-22 02:04:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your family should appreciate the fact that you're taking so much weight off of their shoulders by choosing everything that you really want. I knew a lady a few years ago who was pronounced terminal with cancer and she made all of the funeral arrangements and everyone at the funeral felt more of her presence in the fact that everything was done by her design.
I think in the long run your family will appreciate what you have done and realize it's a part of you that will continue on.
I will keep you in my thoughts .
2007-01-21 21:32:16 · answer #6 · answered by Cherokee Billie 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First I wish you lot of strength in your fight against your cancer and that you won't have to suffer.
It's your relatives, not you, who will visit your grave. That would mean it should be their choice how the grave should look like.
On the other hand, they would find something that is left of your personality, your choice of the picture and the memory of your being a fisherman all your life. That should be worth a lot to your relatives.
2007-01-21 21:51:44 · answer #7 · answered by corleone 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
no problem - you do what you want.
Tell the other there will be a large bottle of good Irish whiskey for them to share after you are gone.
At least you made plans - most people do not and get what other feel is right.
I got conflicts with my own clan about this issue.
2007-01-21 21:33:01 · answer #8 · answered by Carl P 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its your choice you should make it I think its amazing just that your comfortable enough and accepting enough to be able to face this and very kind that your family wont have to worry about doing this if and when you will be in need of these things I think your family should be supportive if thats what you want then thats what you should have especially since your the one that will be using them I think they sound absolutly great choice
2007-01-25 18:18:51 · answer #9 · answered by fakeblond475 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your smart, planning everything before your final day.
If your paying for everything, they should respect your wishes and be happy that part of the arrangements are taken care of.
Best of luck to you.
2007-01-21 21:33:14 · answer #10 · answered by eyes_of_iceblue 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋