how can i convince my boyfriend to not join the marines?

Question

my boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years now. since we were 16, we are both in college and doing very well academically, socially and all that. we are both really happy with our relationship and plan to have a future together. recently, a friend of ours joined the marines and it has triggered something for my boyfriend to want to do the same. he's mentioned it before but never seriously until now. i would never tell him to not do something because of me and i would support him in any decision he made. however, i cannot promise to stay with him if he had to leave and i really really really dislike this idea. he has asked for my opinion as we do have a lot of time and emotion invested in each other. we've done long distance before and it was so hard. i dont think i could handle doing it again. and i dont want to be a military wife. also, is it wrong for me to want him to not do this? i dont want to tell him not to, i just want him to realize it himself.

Answer 1

Your not wrong to feel the way that you do. You absolutely should tell your boyfriend that you don't want him to go and why.

That being said, he has a right to feel the way that he does too. Probably this has been something he has been thinking about for a long while. The best thing you can do is to help him make an informed decision about his future. And part of that is he needs to know that if he does this, you may not be there for him romantically.

Then you have to step back and let him make his choice. Do your best not to guilt him into staying if he wants to go. Even if the choice goes your way it may cause resentment that will damage your relationship. You are very smart in letting him make this decision. (Do not ever use the phrase 'If you loved me you'd . . . )

If he goes, try to support his decision, as a friend at least, if not a girlfriend. He will need it.

I understand that long distance is hard, but it can be done (I've been away from my bf for two years now)

The armed forces, and especially the Marines, provide many opportunities that would be otherwise unavailable. He will have some great chances to better his life and make a difference in the world.

The other thing to bear in mind is that you both are so very young, and got together when you were even younger. If it turns out that he's not the guy for you, for whatever reason, there will be other guys (although it will hurt for a while). You each will be changing a lot over the next five to ten years. My boyfriend and I are both radically different than we were when we were twenty. This is true even if you aren't in the military. Him not going into the military is no guarantee that you will still be together four years from now.

This is where everybody has to grow up sweetie. Maturity is hard I know, especially when things change so drastically. Especially when you want to hang on to what you have and keep it the way it is.

I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but I hope it helps.

Answer 2

It's not wrong to feel like you do but it is wrong to tell him not to join only because you don't think your relationship will work out. That is selfish. Be supportive & voice your opinions but don't make it about you. Tell him facts like if he joins now, he'll very likely be deployed to Iraq. We all know how that is going and that ain't good! He might be going through a phase. I myself have been on a little military kick but I always ended up changing my mind. Get some info on the Marines. They are really one of the hardest branches of the military and if he has a problem with discipline and authority, it won't be his cup of tea. Suggest that he watch a few shows on the Marine bootcamp and then see if he still wants to go. A Marine recruiter will get him pumped up about joining because that's their job. He needs to look at this choice for what it is, a life altering decision that he could be very unhappy with and unable to back out of. Since you're trying to change his mind, focus on those points instead of how you just don't think your relationship will survive if he leaves. That's not enough to get him to stay if that's what you want. He needs to see ALL the angles here.

I forgot what the show is called but, there is a show on The Discovery channel or something about Marine bootcamp. That show does show what it's really like and it's not easy.

Also be very sure you're not keeping him from something that could be a good choice for him. Don't stop him because you don't want to lose him, stop him if you think he hasn't thought it all out yet. This could be the best choice in the world for him and he'll end up resenting you if you hold him back. Telling him the reality is the best and only thing you can do. Good luck!

Answer 3

You need to let him make this decision on his own. This is something that he needs to think through completely. Don't tell him not to. This isn't your place too. If he go's in then you need to decide what is best for you. All you should do is tell him that you don't feel that you could stay with him if this is what he wants to do, that you don't want to influence him either way because this needs to be his decision. You love him and you will support him in what ever he does but you don't want to be a military wife on top of worring if he has to be deported. Make sure he understands that you just want to do what is best for you if he wants to go in. But that if he decides not to because of you and because of the reason you gave him then he needs to be sure he'll never regret it. You don't want 3 or 4 years to pass then one day he pops up blaming you why he didn't go after his dream of the military.

Answer 4

My father was in the Army 24 yrs.-during WWII etc. Marines? I can see your concerns-they are usually the first ones in. If joining the military is something he truly wants to do, please have him check out all branches, and get whatever he has agreed to, in writing-before he signs anything. I also understand the emotional attachment you both have. One thing about being a military wife-it takes someone special to do it-and you have the benefit of travel at times. I have a niece in Singapore right now, thanks to her husband. Could you be there for him during basic? Sending him "care packages" of cookies, etc.? Is it wrong for you to want him to not join? Emotionally, I see where you are coming from. Reality? If this is something he truly wants to do, he should do it. But like I said, please have him check out all the branches first. Does he want to do the Marines because his friend is in? It sounds like you two could possibly sit down together for a long talk just the two of you, or maybe have someone in the "middle" to help you both talk this out. Like a really good friend of both of yours? Or maybe a college counselor? Wishing you the best! Take care.

Answer 5

It's not wrong for you to feel the way you feel. But you need to be sure he knows how you feel, that youre open about every detail and aspect and emotion. My bf is in the airforce and we've been together 4.5 years. You shouldnt try to talk him out of his marine choice/idea, but instead tell him all of your worries and concerns for him and for yalls relationship. He may begin to figure out his priorities after some open heart to heart's. See if he is making this descision for the right reasons, not just to keep up with or be the same as his buddy. I know it's scary and hard, but thats kinda just life and you cant avoid it. Stay strong.

Answer 6

You can't. It's his life and you can't expect soemone else to live a life based on what YOU want. What may be best for YOU may not be their life's destiny. Let other people live and die by their own choices. If you really, truly cared, you would support their wisdom in making choices for themselves.

Ask yourself if you are afraid of being alone, or if you are afraid you will be forgotten. Either way, does it matter if the other person has already made up their mind?

Destiny is in the stars...everyone has their own star to follow.

Answer 7

well you know, he has to find himself. everyone man does at some point in their lives, and everyone does it differently. you aren't married, so the fact that he is still thinking about his own life and career isn't that surprising. honestly, if he does go, will you really leave him? i think that is something you must be willing to face, because what if he DOES decide to go?

Tell him how much you love him. Maybe the only way for him not to go is to ask him to marry you? Hard to say, but good luck anyway.

Answer 8

If he asks you your opinion, then it probably means that you mean alot to him and your opinion can make a difference.

It's not wrong to do this if you have a good reason [which in this case, you do.].

Make him feel that he can't leave you and that he has to be your little bodyguard. You're both doing great in life, and should continue college, and start this wonderful future you've already planned out.

Answer 9

of course it's not wrong for you to feel like this haha you've got feelings too. Basically tell him how you feel, and also, show him that what he would be fighting for is something he probably doesn't have a stake in, that wouldn't affect him. What you can also tell him is what would happen if he died. His family would get some money (not much, I'll tell you that!), a standard letter of consolation (we're sorry for your loss, he died for our country, blah blah blah), and a flag, and to think about if that would be enough to replace his life for his family and friends. He also needs to realize that he would be fighting for a government that doesn't give a DAMN about him, that could care less if he lives or dies, and that sees his life, and those of his fellow soldiers, as toys and nothing more, though they swear up and down to the contrary.

Answer 10

Give him a better reason to stay home, or let him go do his thing. Men need a reason to live; sometimes it's as simple as having something worth dying for. He has to decide what that something is, not your choice.