or in a relationship with anyone at the moment, I know there is no one else involved we have lived together for 2 and a half years, he says he needs to find out who he is as he no longer knows and there are a lot off things he needs to sort out. He came to me about 4 months after his marriage broke up and i love him to bits and miss him badly. I know he needs space etc to get things sorted out in his head and he said who knows what will happen when he gets things sorted out, but he cant give me false hope as he cares for me to much. Do you think he will be back?????
2007-01-21 18:22:55 · 19 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Oh btw he is not off with his mates etc he is 42 years old and at moment all he wants to do is work and sleep. I know he loves me but at moment he said he dosent love himself
2007-01-21 18:58:30 · update #1
The best thing you can do is give him time. He needs to sort himself out so he can have a better life and be happy within himself. If you are meant to be together then you will but be patient and respect his wishes to be alone for a while. Everything will come together in the end, xx
2007-01-21 19:05:26 · answer #1 · answered by Kimmy xx 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the 'midlife crisis' thing where he's not happy with his place in life or his achievements.
Encourage him to talk to you but don't press for answers.
If you nag and hound him you'll just push him away.
Give him a big long lingering hug, tell him you understand, that you'll be right there if he needs you and that you want to give him the time he needs to sort himself out.
If you think it's necessary, suggest a 3-6 month sabbatical and make it clear that it's unfair to keep you hanging on if it's over and that it's unfair for him to expect you to wait forever. No - he shouldn't be allowed to see other women until he ends it definitively with you.
All you can do is be encouraging and supportive. Give him space, otherwise it'll go down the drain regardless. Giving him what he needs without question and with your heart in your hand is the only way. You can't be with someone if they don't want to be with you and he has to come to that decision by himself.
I know it hurts, but that's life and love. I've been there.
I was living with my partner for 4 years and had been going out for 5. Hurt like hell but in the end it was a blessing in disguise.
While I gave him time to think about his life, I also had time to think about mine and where I was headed and wanted to be. I came to the conclusion I wanted more too. I'd been so engrossed in making him happy I forgot about myself.
I also figured that if he was the one thing I was sure of then the one thing he should be sure of in his life is me and if all my love and support isn't enough to make him see that, then I could never give enough and nothing I do would change that. I also realised that our relationship was a oneway street and that all the effort was mine.
In the end I decided I deserved to be treated better and that he wasn't good enough for me. It took more than a year to get that closure and it hurt like hell, but I'm am happier now too.
I think I will always love him, but I know that I'm no longer 'in love with' him. It's hard to trust the man after breaking your heart like that.
Good Luck.
2007-01-21 21:48:42 · answer #2 · answered by thespian 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is thinking of going back to his Mrs!
Or at best can't decide on you or her!
Men of 42, invariably come with Baggage, be it Ex wife, or Kids!
Are there Kids involved?
Pain full as it may be, you have got to walkaway!
If he doesn't know if he wants to make a life with you after 2&1/2 years, then how long are you prepared to be a doormat?
If you want to be with someone then, nothing on this earth will stop you!
Make a Clean break, before you end up getting really hurt!
2007-01-21 19:53:21 · answer #3 · answered by Peter R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he was being honest and cut loose because his heart wasn't in it. At least he respected you enough to do that instead of cheating on you and trying to have his cake and eat it.
Who knows whether he'll come back or not. That's up to him, but you shouldn't put your life on hold waiting - get over him and build a new life for yourself without him.
You never know, if he does choose to come back, you may not have room for him in your life by then.
Two and a half years is a long time - take your time and don't rush into another relationship for a while - make sure you don't end up bouncing into a rebound relationship that will turn sour.
Good luck.
2007-01-21 19:02:38 · answer #4 · answered by RM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might, but in the meantime act as if he won't He may be afraid to get into another serious relationship and that could last for years so you can't put your life on hold waiting for him to decide but you can go out with friends and not get into another relationship yourself if you want to wait a bit longer to see what he does.
2007-01-21 18:29:40 · answer #5 · answered by Al B 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he was on the rebound at the start of the relationship which is never a good thing. will he be back? only time will tell! i would be asking myself if i wanted him back he don't sound very committed to your relationship. whats he doing with the space he needs is he out having fun with his mates if so he isn't being very respect full to you and i would walk away and find somebody who is willing to commit to you no matter how hard things get. you have to give him a time limit to sort his head out and stick to it else he is just going to be messing you about if your willing to put up with his behaviour. dont waste to much time waiting around for him you will lose your self respect get out there and have some fun yourself.
2007-01-21 18:44:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I think that maybe ur relationship may have started prematurally. For not to sound disrespecful to you im sure you are lovely but him going to you may have been an attempt to bounce back after his marriage failed. ANd because he had not fully healed from the problems from before they may have been carried into the relationship that you have with him. For some reason men dont always feel comfortable expressing how they feel, so dont blame yourself because you not neccessarly going to know. But all I can say is to be there for him for it sounds like he is depressed, dont be to assertive but let him know you are there for him.
2007-01-21 18:30:34 · answer #7 · answered by bovezuk 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Whether he comes back or not, he will be a better man for the time and space that you are giving him. That in itself is a sign of how much you love him.
2007-01-21 18:38:39 · answer #8 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Whoa! look, Courteny gets somewhat jealous a minimum of. Come on! you have been away and with Kiah and all. the terrific element is to remind Kiah which you love her and all till now the dance. concerning the what-to-assume element, Courteny would be overjoyed to work out you returned. whilst will you notice Kiah returned?
2016-11-26 01:33:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will be back to just enjoy with you and your company . He is not committed and will not be committed in future also . If you are intelligent , you must keep him as your one of the very close and rare friend , if you want to live happily with peace at heart in future .Pl do excuse me to be very straight in replying .
2007-01-21 18:52:51 · answer #10 · answered by your noon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋