What makes a Jewish funeral and burial Jewish?

Question

My stepmother wants to prevent my father's family -particularly his children, from alltending the Jewish funeral he requested. She wants to bury him in a Christian cemetary in a state that he never lived in, and she wants a J4J minister to be the rabbi. Does anyone think this would satisfy my father's request for a Kosher Jewish burial?

Sadly, stepmother had no respect for my dad or family. She used "messianic rabbi," buried Dad in a non-Jewish cemetery in a town that brags it has no Jews - all depite a court order requiring a Jewish burial.

She could not stop smiling before, during, and after the service. Her "guests," a xian missionary and wife, and the xian "rabbi" and wife, looked more somber than she.

Since I was there, they had to leave out their j-prayers; disjointed service was under 10 minutes. Minister didn't know Dad's Hebrew name - or even know he should have. When he recited Kaddish (wrong one, BTW), stepmother waved her hands in the air in the manner of a charismatic xian listening to someone "speaking in tongues," Maybe she was just waving away the Jewish prayer...

Minister's wife added to the insult by loudly proclaiming to me as she left that without j one cannot get to Heaven. There were more insults and disrespect than fit this space.

Thanks to all who replied. Wish Judge looked here

Answer 1

This is completely opposite of what the Jewish funeral rites should and in fact must be.
When a Jewish person passes on, the body is considered holy and must be buried in a Jewish cemetery that is considered holy ground. The burial must take place within a set time limit and there must be a rabbi to oversee the ceremony.
As a matter of fact, in Jewish law, the body of an Orthodox Jew must have an attendant from the time the body arrives at the Jewish morgue until it is released for burial. The casket is made from wood and is to be kept closed. (Unlike a Christian burial in a metal casket).
The method you described in using a J4J minister at a Christian cemetery would be considered a sin in Jewish law.
Please ask your stepmother to respect your father's wishes and arrange the funeral in a properly run Jewish cemetery where he will be given the respect due even when passed on.
After all, would your stepmother want her funeral to be something else other than what she plans? Would she want to commit a sin? She must have at least loved your father at sometime in order to be his wife. Doesn't she respect him enough to fulfill his wishes for a proper burial.
I hope things work out for your father.

Answer 2

I would think that a woman would be more respectful of her recently departed husband's wishes.

No, the J4J funeral is not a substitute for a Kosher Jewish burial. J4J are Christians, not Jews, and would not perform a Jewish ceremony for him.

Perhaps you should take the initiative in making sure your father's wishes are carried out. Contact a Jewish burial society in the area or a Jewish undertaker.

Answer 3

If your father asked for a kosher Jewish burial, anything less would be disrespectful. Jews are bound by Orthodox law and so his funeral must reflect the tenets of that law, no substitutions. Surely your mother is more respectful to your father than that, he is her husband and should be treated with the utmost respect and ardor in this time.

Answer 4

its about the complete opposite of a jewish burial. christian burials are incredibly different than jewish ones, and thats excluding the fact that he's going to be buried in a christian cemetery by a christian minister.

Answer 5

The Jewish bury their deceased within 24 hours of death, unless of course the Sabbath intervenes.

Answer 6

Other answers are good - this would certainly not fulfill his last wishes.
To find a local Rabbi in the US, visit http://www.oucentral.org/network/synagogues/synagogues.cfm

Answer 7

Not remotely.