Black women dating an East indian guy?

Question

me and my boyfriend have an awesome relationship.. we get along great he is sweet and loving and always kind and we often laugh and talk about everything..but this is the down side he Indian from India...he says that people only marry people from their home state.. and I am African American.. he tells me that because of my race he doesn't think his family and friends would accept us if we became more serious like living together, enaged, married..what happens if he becomes the one..should I wait around and see if this can become something more and enjoy the moment or move on to someone who can offer me more in the long run.. we have been together for six months and no body he knows.. knows that I am black...except his sister that he is close to..all my family and friends know about him.. but it seems like I am secret to him..that hurts..when his friends come to visit it is like I don't exist..he says he doesn't tell them much cause they won't understand..what should do

Ministry of Camp Revivalis...OMG you just called me a *****.. that word hasn't been used in what 50 years.. thamks for the post but we are called AA's

Answer 1

i understand what your going through... i'v dated alot of different races outside my own and its true that our culture doesnt accept it...its a really sad and inconcievable truth...but if you ask me it's all just a bunch of b.s. , if you really love him and he loves you...try and tell him how you feel...tell him that it's making you go crazy why he's being so shady with you... i say give him a little time b4 he plans on introducing you to his family (2-3 more months)...but as for his friends...i honestly dont kno why he's keeping it from them? sounds more like it's his problem than it should be yours... and honestly...if he doesnt change...MOVE ON...ur wasting your time looking for a future with this guy...i kno his type...i have friends like that. it hurts to see someone in that situation but its true.

Answer 2

He is being honest and telling you the truth. Basically you face two prejudices- firstly your race, secondly that you're an American (which come with bad morals etc (in their view)).

I live in Asia, and for most Asians, while they will tolerate a *****- but they won't allow their children to marry one. This is because ****** are seen to be highly socially undesirable- basically they are seen to lack all the qualities desirable in a spouse- wealth, stability, manners, breeding, class (not my views btw).

Most commonly, it's a black man marrying an Asian girl. I have known several men who have completely disowned their daughters (completely cut off all of their money, etc) for having relationships with blacks, when studying in the US. Now, the mother occasionally visits, the father refuses and her siblings visit in secret- not wanting to incur their father's anger.

The racist & class attitudes that prevail in Asia are so persistent- they can never be erased- an example is how the US is an enlightened society but still unspoken elements of racism are very commonplace.

You have to remember too, in Asia, that family is more important than the individual. This means many marriages are often business or power related, in that Asians like to either marry up or into th same class, very rarely down (no assumptions made about yourself) so that trhe family also benefis from the relationship.
An example: A Chinese father has a business and the daughter is keen on the boy of a politician- the father will push for the marriage as it will mean not only financial stability for the daughter but also for the family.

Unless you're quite wealthy or at least as wealthy as this Indian boy, I strongly suggest that you move on and find someone more suitable
You can almost be guaranteed that all/elements of his family will never accept you (however attractive, polite etc you may be) and the mother will always think that her darling boy could have done so much better with a nice Indian girl.

Answer 3

Tatiana Ali from the Fresh Prince of Belair is half black (mother) Indian dad.

Answer 4

Ok, I'm a black woman, my husband is white, and we're southern (amazingly we've had no trouble either, God is good). If he had EVER said that to me when we were dating then I wouldn't have continued to date him.

I knew I wanted to be settled down and didn't want to waste years on someone who had no intensions of doing so, especially if it's over something I can't change such as the color of my skin.

If you want to see what the man is really about and you HAVE been together for 6 months already, tell him you want to meet his parents. If he refuses, then the last thing he'd see would be my black behind going out the door lol. After all, would you want a man who doesn't know how to "cleave to his wife". His family's law would always be more important than you. He would have to be willing to show them that YOU are more important than any family tradition of marrying from a home country.

His parents will never truly know you unless you meet in person. It's amazing how much your opinion can change about a situation when you don't JUST HAVE preconceived notions to go on.

Answer 5

I was in your exact position a couple years ago. I was dating this Indian guy for several years. He was great and our relationship was great. Unfortunately, he also had the same mentality as your boyfriend. He even talked about his future "Indian wife". Even though at the time I was still young and in no way ready for that type of relationship, I was still hurt that he didn't see a future with me. However, looking back now I realize it was more of a cultural thing that it was personal.

I'm not sure what stage you are in your life right now, whether you want to settle down or if you're still in the dating stage. If you're ready to settle down with Mr. Right, then you shouldn't waste your time on him if he has no intentions of having a future with you. However, if you could wait, then I think it's fine to continue dating him. Who knows, maybe he'll open his mind to other possibilities in the future. You should definitely talk to him about meeting his friends and family though. If he's worried about their reaction, maybe he could introduce you as a friend first until they're more open to you. I wish you the best of luck :)

Answer 6

he needs to make a decision
you are worth more than being a secret. if he just needs time to break the news to his family...well then fine. but if he has no plans on telling his family, then you need to just move on. there will always be tension because your your cultural differences, but if you two love each other then you two can get through it.
it has only been 6 months, so i would not demand that he tells his parents. i know that it wont be easy for him to do that. but he is planning on "keeping you a secret" for too much longer then you know he must not be serious about the relationship.
if he says that he wants to stay with you and to give him some time...i would stick it out just to see. be prepared from some major tension with the in-laws though!

Answer 7

for me,you have to ask him if he really want to continue your relationship no matter what culture he has because the longer it is the more painful it is.if he really loves you he wouldn't care what his family would say because that's his life and you guys is doing good to each other and the most important is you love each other.

Answer 8

I hear your pain, my friend experience the same thing. The best way is to move on, because he's not going to take you seriously... My friend end up moving on, because she realized that he's just playing her...

Answer 9

ever watch mississippi masala?

Answer 10

decision time