Ever sense my mom died I CAN'T SLEEP and cry almost every night?

Question

my mom was my bestfriend and ever sense she died I'm so lonely and worried I'm married and my husband loves me but hes always working and we dont live toghether right now cause his job and that fine, we see each other twice a week and that's perfect but he dose'nt have a clue what's going on with me he knows I can't sleep well, BUT dose'nt now I cry alot sometime when he calls at night I'm crying and hide it and don't say anything whats wrong with me?

Answer 1

Without knowing how long you've been this depressed, can't say if it's part of normal grief or not.

Realize depression, sorrow, sleep disturbances are very common as one grieves, especially when she was both a mom and a best friend. Be thankful for such a wonderful relationship, try to focus on what you had and realize most people sadly never have that with their mom.

Don't just run for the anti-depression medication, because grief is normal, even though we live in a society that is preaching that no one should ever feel sad or they need to take a pill to get happy.

Sorrow, grief are a part of life.

Do you know that they have grief support groups that many people find very helpful? Call the funeral home where you had your mom's viewing. They can often tell you of a grief support group, that's free, in your area.

If that doesn't slowly over a few months begin to help, then maybe you need to look towards counseling, but realize, many people take six months to a year to get where they can finally stop crying, return to normal sleeping, and feel happy agian. Some grieve briefly, some for much long and both ways and durations of expressing grief are okay, normal.

If you can't find a support group, put your own AD in the paper and ask for others who want to get together and be there for each other as they work through their grief. You could even make it a grief support group especially for woman who have reasantly had their mom's die, that way you'd have something in common.

Remember you will feel good, happy and enjoy life again, it just takes time. Let it all out, write about it in a journal as many find journaling a great way to work through a variety of life situations and emotions.

Just don't get into the habit of staying home and hidding out, that can lead to clinical depression. Make sure you at least get up each day, bathe, take care of your home and yourself and children.

Go for a walk each day and talk to your mother in your mind as you walk, she can hear you through the Veil, I promise. Talk to her as though she were walking with you, share with her your life as you did while she was here in mortality.

Give yourself time, grief that is expressed has a way of finding it's own path of healing.

Sorry your Mom and bestfirend died!

Answer 2

I take it that the loss was recent, and I offer my condolences. You are obviously still grieving quite hard, and at the moment you are not in a position where you feel ready to move on just yet. The difficulty sleeping and crying are the result of that. I don't understand why you haven't discussed this with your husband, or why you feel the need to handle it all on your own. When we marry, presumably we do it to have the special person in our life share all the parts good and bad. You can't really share happiness unless you also share the unhappiness, it leaves your relationship one-sided and shallow. So the first thing I suggest is a heart to heart with your husband, to get what support he has to offer. Even if it is sympathetic ears during the nightly telephone call, that would be better for you than what you have now. Secondly, you might benefit from speaking with somebody adept at helping people in grief. This could be a pastor or priest, or other spiritual advisor, if you are a person with religious beliefs. If not, a grief counselor can be of immense help, giving you practical advise for how to deal with your grieving process in a more productive manner and learning to move on with the rest of your life. There is nothing wrong with you, this is a normal reaction to the loss of a close loved one. If you want the medical term for it, it is an adult situational reaction of temporary nature, meaning that under ordinary circumstances, with a little support, you can reasonably be expected to recover your normal pattern of life in a short amount of time. That doesn't mean you will learn to forget, because you won't. But you will be able to come to terms with the loss of your mother, and begin to live a more normal life than you currently do. It is a normal thing in the life of people everywhere, and I assure you that you are normal. The first step in getting back to yourself would be to share the pain with somebody else, seek some spiritual advice if you like or a grief counselor for some assistance, and give yourself time to grieve and heal. In time you will find peace.

Answer 3

You're grieving and you have every right to she was there from the time that you were born, and were obviously close to her and have every right to miss her and grieve for her. First of all you need to tell your husband how it's affecting you and let him be a support system for you someone to hold you when you cry, let him in to help you hiding it isn't good for either one of you, maybe you should go and stay with him a couple of nights a week with him if possible so you can be close to each other a bit more. Secondly see your family Dr. and tell him how you are feeling and if it will help see a grief counselor to help you process your emotions. And this is just a thought but if you don't have one maybe you could get a cat or dog if it is possible in your living arrangement you would be surprised at how much company they are and how much they will help and be a source of comfort when you are lonely and missing your mom. I am sorry for your loss I hope that this helps.

Answer 4

You are depressed. This is normal. When my grandfather died,(and he was like my dad) I cried for months. I had my husband there sometimes(he is in the marines) and my 3 month old is what kept me going. There are no words, sorry doesn't take the pain away, but you should see the doctor to get you on some anti-depressants and sleeping pills until you can resolve this. The pain will never go away, you just learn to deal with it. Knowing they are in a better place always helps me. Finding a place for grieving family members, or support groups will help. Pray about it, no matter what your religion is, praying helps. Good luck and I hope you can get through this. My mom is my best friend too, I can only imagine your pain.

Answer 5

The loss of a loved takes time to adjust. I will not say "Time heals all". I lost my dad to a heart condition in "83" and my oldest son was murdered in "92". Both losses were unbearable. I have learned to live with the loss and pain (I still cry for both). My husband would stand by my bed (he thought I was asleep) and say "I don't know how to help you get through this". One time I had left a office where a lot of joking was taking place a guy said "Whats her problem she never cracked a smile". My great defender said my wife lost her son 5 years ago she hasn't smiled since.I am afraid I will never hear her laugh again. It took time I still cry but I can laugh again just not as much as I use too. Everyone has to grieve in their own way, the length of time verys from person to person. One day you will begin to cope. Prayers are with you.

Answer 6

It is called grieving. How long has it been since your mom passed on? There is no set time frame for how long somebody grieves, because everybody grieves differantly. I would look into finding a support group. Or maybe try writing a journal to get your feelings out. And definately tell your husband what is going on, that way he can be more supportive and possibly be able to help you by providing you with somebody to talk to that you trust(himself). And most of all, dont think there is something wrong with you, it is completely normal.

Answer 7

Nights are usually the worst time when you have a loss because you are not active, the house is quiet and your mind just wont quit thinking. Try when you go to sleep making your mind recap your life with your mom from the time you were a child till the day she left...remember all the good memories, the happy times...do this as you are trying to fall asleep. She will be with you as you do this and it will help you sleep....do this every single night...and eventually you will not be crying anymore only remembering the good and wonderful memories that you will have forever.

Answer 8

I wouldn't question my grieving for my Mother. Like a lot of the answers said, grieving takes time. My Mom WAS my best friend as well for 19 yrs. She hasn't died, but I feel as though she has. She is alive, but doens't remember hardly any thing about me, and barely who I am. She doesn't go any where with me any more, afraid of falling! I lost my Mother-in-Law, and she was my best friend as well. I'm still sad when I think about her. It's been 5 yrs. since she passed away. I finally don't cry when I talk about her any more. But, hon, it takes time! We aren't crying for them, we are crying for our own loss! But they are better off where they are now. I know that isn't much comfort, but it will be in time! Just remember how much she loved you, and how much you enjoyed your time with her, and be thankful that you COULD! Continue LOVING her, and don't try shutting yourself UP just to make someone else comfortable. I really question why you feel you can't talk to your husband, and why he isn't around more to support you during this time? You NEED to TALK, TALK, TALK about your MOM to someone! About all the good times, as well as the bad times, until you can't talk NO MORE! I wrote a story about my mother-in-law! I cut out the picture of her in the paper and taped it to the story, and I still have the story! It was like an epilogue of her's and my life together after I married her son. Do that with your MOM, it is very healing! I felt like I was talking to her sometimes, like I could just reach out and touch her. Of course I couldn't, but it felt that way! The more alive she came in story, the less I cried! Finally getting to a point where the pain was less.
But I didn't try to stop the crying nor the grieving. The more you try to stop, the stronger the pain will be, because you haven't gone through all of the stages of grief yet. Hang in there! It will get easier.

Answer 9

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. This is going to be one of the most difficult things you ever do in your life, and I have nothing but respect for you, but you need to learn to let her go. It's the only way you'll ever be happy again. It's going to take some time, maybe weeks, maybe months, but I'm sure this is what she'd want you to do.

I know you miss her, but she doesn't want you to be unhappy, your husband doesn't want you to be unhappy, I don't want you to be unhappy, and neither does anybody on this page. I wish you the best of luck and I hope your struggle ends soon.

Answer 10

Sorry to hear that doll. All you jave to know that your mom is now resting and you should feel good knowing that she is in a better place. Of course you will feel very sad but honest there is nothing that can be done. Dont cry. Thats all I am gonna tell you. Dont cry. Just cherish the moments you guys spent together...